I suppose I can't be the only one feeling this wayWatch
Yet, now I'm asking myself, why am I cramming for this exam? I almost do not care for it, despite it being an important one. I always revised for tests before but only for the sake of the test. I don't really care too much for the subjects I'm learning. And although I've kinda decided what course I might want to take at uni, it is a decision made more because of pressure from my teacher and parents, out of convenience.
I don't really know what I want to do in life, I don't have a passion nor am I really interested in anything other than browsing aimlessly online and wasting time. I have friends I spend time with friends occasionally, which I enjoy while in the moment. But I often find that I return to this pensive feeling.
I don't feel like this all the time, but as soon as I'm not distracted by something else, sometimes I do start crying thinking about it.
What is life? Who am I? I'm not depressed, neither am I suicidal, but I just don't feel right.
I used to have mental breakdowns during revision for an exam when I didn't get something right. I was putting so much pressure on myself even when I really didn't have any motivation to revise. It really wasn't good for my mental health.
So I decided to take a gap year and honestly it's the best thing ever. Although I have a part time job, I still get to relax and just take time to work on my mental health. There's no pressure from school or anything. Plus I will get to rejuvenate before I start uni next year and hopefully I will have better coping methods for when I feel the pressure becoming too much.