My brother has mental issues, how can he put into counselling?
Onwards to his mental issues, I remember him saying he had depression (in a jokey way and he wasn’t unhappy so I assumed he’d get better) 3 years ago and it’s been gradually getting worse and worse. It’s now at the point right now for the past year hes been berating my parents for being such bad parents and compromising him due to his lack of social skills / social anxiety but honestly he used to be social when he wasn’t depressed like this and how long can you blame for parents for? They weren’t perfect but they didn’t do it with malicious intent. He went from loving my mum to hating her in less than a year which I find weird. Hates dad too but that’s more justified (personal reasons).
Just now, my dad made a remark
Content warning - mention of someone with possible suicidal thoughts
Spoiler
Which I know won’t happen because he always likes to vent like this but in no way shape or form is that a sane thing to ******* say!!! All because my brother has an ego and can’t admit he doesn’t have friends because of himself. He makes no effort other than blaming his parents. Completely insane.
So how can I get him counselling? He needs to be kinda forced into it since he won’t go by choice, can his school arrange it? My mum is worried by getting him counselling, it will be a bad mark to his name and affect uni applications / finding jobs.
thank you
What you're going through can't be easy. It must hard to see someone so close to you, change in such a way.
I get how you may feel helpless, because you clearly care about your brother and you know that this is not like how he used to be.
But it's important to know that no-one is too far gone.
It's common for people to think that a sudden dip in mental health around the exam period is just an excuse to avoid working harder.
But often, the stress of exams makes people want to run away.
It's hard to know what the cause of your brother's 'floaters' may be.
Even if it's not been observed as something he's physically suffering from, it is possible that it's an image or 'hallucination' that he's seeing.
Important: if at any point you feel you / your family is in any real danger, or you cannot keep yourself / your family safe, always call 999 for an ambulance or mental health intervention team.
Counseling, should your brother choose to take it up, will be completely confidential between him and the counselor / therapist.
There is no record that would ever be automatically issued to state that your brother is having, or has had, counseling or any other type of therapy.
The only times a therapist would disclose any information to a third party is:
•
If your brother asks them to, for one reason or another. For example, if the mental health problems persist the therapist could issue a statement to the exams officer at the sixth-form, to apply for mitigation or adjustments that could make the exams more comfortable for your brother.
•
If there is a serious risk of harm or danger. In other words, if the therapist believes that urgent intervention is needed from the NHS or social services, because your brother is likely to end up in, or cause, an unsafe situation.
•
If there is any involvement from authorities that requires additional transparency. This is rare, but if, for example, social services or child protection are heavily involved, there may be an agreement to report anything significant that is mentioned if it impacts the safety of the child. Given your brother is now over 18 and thus an adult, this would probably require a court order.
It is extremely unlikely that any information would be shared outside the 'bubble' of your brother and his therapist without your brother's consent, especially if he were using adult mental health services. Anyone with whom information is exceptionally shared would be required to treat it just as confidentially as the therapist would.
There is no stigma to therapy, and going there will not in any way affect UCAS or job applications. Therapy will seem outside your brother's comfort zone at first - he may hold back from being completely open with his therapist, for fear of being judged or his secrets being exposed. But the therapy will only show real results if he is completely open. It can be hard to believe that your therapist will never judge you, no matter how big or small, mundane or dramatic, your problems might be, and that they will maintain their confidentiality,
But as he realizes slowly that his therapist cares, will never judge him, and will never reveal anything he says, he'll get more comfortable with being open and transparent about his problems.
For many people, therapy can get people over the mountain, out of the woods, and on the road to a happier and healthier life. But it is true that some people need more than just therapy to help them. If you think your brother might need further help, for example if you think he might benefit from medication, you (or he) can approach his GP for further advice, and again this will be nonjudgmental and confidential.
So your mum does not at all need to worry about any 'mark' being left behind from therapy - even if someone were put on medication, no-one would need to know.
About how to get therapy, a few tips:
•
When I was at school they brought in a school counsellor after people requested access to one, and many schools now have mental health services offered in-house or through partnerships with local organizations / the local education authority (LEA).
•
You can self-refer to NHS mental health therapy in England - this can be done through a system called IAPT. Just Google 'NHS IAPT' and you can get information and easy instructions about that. You don't need to talk to your GP and get a referral, but you do have to be registered at a GP practice in England. There will be wait times but it's better to be on the waiting list than off it.
•
There are many local organizations and charities that provide mental health support such as counseling at a reduced price or for free. This will vary based on your local area so you may need to do a little searching.
•
If you have the means, do not overlook going private. Free services tend to limit the number of sessions, or at least encourage people to move on from therapy sooner rather than later, to allow more people on the waiting list to access therapy sooner. For issues that have built up over a long period, this limited number of sessions may not be enough to get to exploring the core of the issues. Many people liken it to peeling back the many layers of an onion before you can reach the core, and this does take time, sometimes longer than the free therapy can be provided for. Going private eliminates this issue, which may well be worth it depending on your situation. If you're interested in finding a private counsellor then the BACP register is a good place to start.
If your brother is in a mental health crisis, contact Samaritans on 116 123, and encourage him to talk it out in a private area.
Call 999 immediately if there is a risk that he may get into a dangerous situation or harm himself or others.
I genuinely hope this helps you. I promise, things don't have to stay this way and it's possible for you all to find happiness again. :-)
What you're going through can't be easy. It must hard to see someone so close to you, change in such a way.
I get how you may feel helpless, because you clearly care about your brother and you know that this is not like how he used to be.
But it's important to know that no-one is too far gone.
It's common for people to think that a sudden dip in mental health around the exam period is just an excuse to avoid working harder.
But often, the stress of exams makes people want to run away.
It's hard to know what the cause of your brother's 'floaters' may be.
Even if it's not been observed as something he's physically suffering from, it is possible that it's an image or 'hallucination' that he's seeing.
Important: if at any point you feel you / your family is in any real danger, or you cannot keep yourself / your family safe, always call 999 for an ambulance or mental health intervention team.
Counseling, should your brother choose to take it up, will be completely confidential between him and the counselor / therapist.
There is no record that would ever be automatically issued to state that your brother is having, or has had, counseling or any other type of therapy.
The only times a therapist would disclose any information to a third party is:
•
If your brother asks them to, for one reason or another. For example, if the mental health problems persist the therapist could issue a statement to the exams officer at the sixth-form, to apply for mitigation or adjustments that could make the exams more comfortable for your brother.
•
If there is a serious risk of harm or danger. In other words, if the therapist believes that urgent intervention is needed from the NHS or social services, because your brother is likely to end up in, or cause, an unsafe situation.
•
If there is any involvement from authorities that requires additional transparency. This is rare, but if, for example, social services or child protection are heavily involved, there may be an agreement to report anything significant that is mentioned if it impacts the safety of the child. Given your brother is now over 18 and thus an adult, this would probably require a court order.
It is extremely unlikely that any information would be shared outside the 'bubble' of your brother and his therapist without your brother's consent, especially if he were using adult mental health services. Anyone with whom information is exceptionally shared would be required to treat it just as confidentially as the therapist would.
There is no stigma to therapy, and going there will not in any way affect UCAS or job applications. Therapy will seem outside your brother's comfort zone at first - he may hold back from being completely open with his therapist, for fear of being judged or his secrets being exposed. But the therapy will only show real results if he is completely open. It can be hard to believe that your therapist will never judge you, no matter how big or small, mundane or dramatic, your problems might be, and that they will maintain their confidentiality,
But as he realizes slowly that his therapist cares, will never judge him, and will never reveal anything he says, he'll get more comfortable with being open and transparent about his problems.
For many people, therapy can get people over the mountain, out of the woods, and on the road to a happier and healthier life. But it is true that some people need more than just therapy to help them. If you think your brother might need further help, for example if you think he might benefit from medication, you (or he) can approach his GP for further advice, and again this will be nonjudgmental and confidential.
So your mum does not at all need to worry about any 'mark' being left behind from therapy - even if someone were put on medication, no-one would need to know.
About how to get therapy, a few tips:
•
When I was at school they brought in a school counsellor after people requested access to one, and many schools now have mental health services offered in-house or through partnerships with local organizations / the local education authority (LEA).
•
You can self-refer to NHS mental health therapy in England - this can be done through a system called IAPT. Just Google 'NHS IAPT' and you can get information and easy instructions about that. You don't need to talk to your GP and get a referral, but you do have to be registered at a GP practice in England. There will be wait times but it's better to be on the waiting list than off it.
•
There are many local organizations and charities that provide mental health support such as counseling at a reduced price or for free. This will vary based on your local area so you may need to do a little searching.
•
If you have the means, do not overlook going private. Free services tend to limit the number of sessions, or at least encourage people to move on from therapy sooner rather than later, to allow more people on the waiting list to access therapy sooner. For issues that have built up over a long period, this limited number of sessions may not be enough to get to exploring the core of the issues. Many people liken it to peeling back the many layers of an onion before you can reach the core, and this does take time, sometimes longer than the free therapy can be provided for. Going private eliminates this issue, which may well be worth it depending on your situation. If you're interested in finding a private counsellor then the BACP register is a good place to start.
If your brother is in a mental health crisis, contact Samaritans on 116 123, and encourage him to talk it out in a private area.
Call 999 immediately if there is a risk that he may get into a dangerous situation or harm himself or others.
I genuinely hope this helps you. I promise, things don't have to stay this way and it's possible for you all to find happiness again. :-)
Thank you so much for the detailed response and the time you took to write that. I’m lucky in that it doesn’t really affect me but nevertheless it’s a tricky situation to be in.
And I believe he’s been “depressed” or unhappy even before exams. Like 2+ years now, I remember him saying he had depression but in a jokey way. I knew he was a bit unhappy but he was still fine not as serious as now. And it’s gradually gotten worse since then.
Can depression / mental illness work like that?
And I believe he’s been “depressed” or unhappy even before exams. Like 2+ years now, I remember him saying he had depression but in a jokey way. I knew he was a bit unhappy but he was still fine not as serious as now. And it’s gradually gotten worse since then.
Can depression / mental illness work like that?
depression sure does ! it sounds like your brother might've been masking (i.e. pretending to be fine when he was not) and his mask is slipping as time goes by ? it's a common thing for depressed individuals to hide themself because ... well stigma, really, and other things . but to answer your main question, yeah, depression and mental illnesses really do fluctuate . it's never really a straight line, and there'll be many ups but also sometimes just as many downs . hope that answers well !
Some people end up turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking or taking drugs. This may help with the 'masking' at first, but as the body gets more used to them they stop working so effectively and, just like people who never started using them, the masking gets more and more difficult until finally the person hits breaking point. Additionally, alcohol and drugs can leave someone in a mental health crisis very vulnerable indeed - they may render the person incapable of keeping themselves safe (which as I said earlier would be a 999 emergency).
I'm not saying your brother has necessarily turned to alcohol or drugs, in fact it's that bit easier if he hasn't. But given he's now 18 it's worth pointing out that he will be able to get drinks from stores if he wants to. You don't need to stop him from buying or drinking alcohol, these are both normal things for any 18-year-old, but keep a lookout in case there is any sign he may be drinking alcohol to cope, for example if he is drinking alone, in the mornings, or indeed in college.
And your brother will have ups and downs. Even with therapy in place, it is very possible that things may get worse before they get better. But the key thing is to have that help in place, because otherwise things will get worse and keep getting worse, potentially leading to more serious consequences.
One step I do think is worth taking, and I'm sorry I didn't mention this earlier, is to talk to your brother's teachers. Ask them how he has been behaving in class, how he seems to be getting on with homework / mocks, and if there are any concerns he is going to them about.
I encourage you do ask him what his floaters look like. There exists a small yet significant patient population with floaters so close to the retina, that it usually casts a large, defined nasty shadow on their vision. This (which I have too) is very annoying to work around, and typical to those under 30. Arguably the most frustrating type of floater. I suspect your brother could have this. I reckon he is just frustrated at coping with studies around this visual experience much in the same way I am, except I'm at university.
Also, unfortunately many ophthalmologists brush us young people under the rug it seems, so I wouldn't have full faith in them just yet. A simple slit exam (which was likely used on your brother) isn't sufficient to see his floaters should they be so close to the retina, particularly in the premacular bursa. If your brother complains of a cluster/cobweb floater, then I suspect this is the issue. That his floater (whilst literally in the micrometres range) is so close to the retina that it disturbs him, as well as being in the central visual axis with any saccadic movement.
I personally believe his mental frustrations are due to his floaters, I doubt he'd be lying about his floaters as you said. But I encourage you to be transparent with him and see what issues he's currently dealing with. I wish him best of luck for his exams too.
