lack of social skills
how do people start conversations and socialise everyday?
I feel this is so out of my comfort zone, and i genuinely hate myself for not being able to talk to people because i am left out as a result of it.
I keep getting feelings of jealousy of seeing friend groups as idk how to involve myself with them, especially at this late point. I feel useless and don't know if i will ever change.
I want to be able to talk to people and go out and have fun, instead of being socially withdrawn due to feelings of major awkwardness in social situations.
I am so bad that i even feel awkward to talk to my best friend of more than 7 years. I feel ashamed and embarassed of this and it make me feel like i am a **** friend for feeling like this.
Sometimes i want to call people, but due to my awkwardness, i don't as idk what to say.
I feel this is so out of my comfort zone, and i genuinely hate myself for not being able to talk to people because i am left out as a result of it.
I keep getting feelings of jealousy of seeing friend groups as idk how to involve myself with them, especially at this late point. I feel useless and don't know if i will ever change.
I want to be able to talk to people and go out and have fun, instead of being socially withdrawn due to feelings of major awkwardness in social situations.
I am so bad that i even feel awkward to talk to my best friend of more than 7 years. I feel ashamed and embarassed of this and it make me feel like i am a **** friend for feeling like this.
Sometimes i want to call people, but due to my awkwardness, i don't as idk what to say.
I also struggle with this sort of thing as I know I can't force myself to approach strangers. To help start conversations, especially when it is my first day meeting lots of new people, I will try to wear something noticeable or unusual. This often encourages more social strangers to make a comment such as 'I like your _____' and you can start a conversation that way
research into whether you're autistic or not. try the raads-r test online, which is free and a good initial way of determining whether you might have traits. not understanding how social situations are supposed to work is a big trait in a lot of people who are very good at pretending to fit in.
there's this thing with autistics called masking - basically it's pretending to be normal whilst knowing deep inside that you're not being true to yourself, and it results in a feeling of severe discomfort which becomes worst in social situations, and then what we do is we blame ourselves for feeling so uncomfortable and try even harder to fit in to solve the problem. when actually what we need to be doing is accepting that we are the way we are and working out who we are underneath the mask... it takes years to work that out, and often a change of friends and a change in mindset etc etc, but at the end of it you'll be a happier person... if this is your experience. x
there's this thing with autistics called masking - basically it's pretending to be normal whilst knowing deep inside that you're not being true to yourself, and it results in a feeling of severe discomfort which becomes worst in social situations, and then what we do is we blame ourselves for feeling so uncomfortable and try even harder to fit in to solve the problem. when actually what we need to be doing is accepting that we are the way we are and working out who we are underneath the mask... it takes years to work that out, and often a change of friends and a change in mindset etc etc, but at the end of it you'll be a happier person... if this is your experience. x
Original post by Mystical_psychic
how do people start conversations and socialise everyday?
I feel this is so out of my comfort zone, and i genuinely hate myself for not being able to talk to people because i am left out as a result of it.
I keep getting feelings of jealousy of seeing friend groups as idk how to involve myself with them, especially at this late point. I feel useless and don't know if i will ever change.
I want to be able to talk to people and go out and have fun, instead of being socially withdrawn due to feelings of major awkwardness in social situations.
I am so bad that i even feel awkward to talk to my best friend of more than 7 years. I feel ashamed and embarassed of this and it make me feel like i am a **** friend for feeling like this.
Sometimes i want to call people, but due to my awkwardness, i don't as idk what to say.
I feel this is so out of my comfort zone, and i genuinely hate myself for not being able to talk to people because i am left out as a result of it.
I keep getting feelings of jealousy of seeing friend groups as idk how to involve myself with them, especially at this late point. I feel useless and don't know if i will ever change.
I want to be able to talk to people and go out and have fun, instead of being socially withdrawn due to feelings of major awkwardness in social situations.
I am so bad that i even feel awkward to talk to my best friend of more than 7 years. I feel ashamed and embarassed of this and it make me feel like i am a **** friend for feeling like this.
Sometimes i want to call people, but due to my awkwardness, i don't as idk what to say.
I’m exactly the same!! I personally was unable to do anything about it throughout high school but when I got to sixth form I decided I had to change this. Its a good idea to try to do this too at your own pace. I found that smiling to people I’m sat next to and complimenting something they are wearing can go a long way. It sucked at first and made me feel uncomfortable but in the end it did help. I don’t Know whether you are still in school but if you are I really recommend trying to talk to the people around you — ask them help on something hard even if you know the answer and thank them after. “forget” your pen and ask them if you can borrow one. Little favours that other people do make them like you. When you get friendly enough to someone you can ask them if you can hang out with them at lunch — it will work.
If you’re not in school but in work do the same thing but with your colleagues.
If you’re not in school or work join a **** ton of random clubs and meet people that way — through common interests.
If you have a hobby that you deeply love, find someone else with that hobby. It’s so much easier to talk to someone about something you’re passionate about. I know it sounds cringey but my favourite tv show is twd and I’m utterly obsessed with it. I don’t know what it is but whenever I talk about it my anxiety fades away.
You’re not a **** friend. I randomly one day felt the same way. I honestly don’t know why either. It’s like you know they’re not going to judge you but you still are scared of being judged by them. I honestly have no idea what you do about that. I kind of just powered through. I’m not sure if it’s faded or not tbh.
It would be great if you could just flip a switch and be extroverted but alas you cannot. I think you just gotta try extra hard to talk to people — it will suck and make you feel awful but it will get easier. It will probably take a long time though. I still struggle with it massively but I did these things and found I made 2 friends in lessons through it.
Also it’s weird but I went and sat randomly in lesson with these 3 girls who were loud (GIRL IDK WHAT POSSESSED ME??) and they just kind of adopted me and they are fine with me not talking much and being quiet. Idk some things just work out well if you put yourself out there. Some things won’t - but most will.
ALSO I’ve found if you smile at people you will quickly learn who to avoid and who to be friendly to. If they smile back, you usually wanna be their friend. If they don’t smile back, you’ve quickly dodged a bullet without needing to talk to them (Usually the case..).
