boarding school blues
This will be pretty short with a **** ton of random references so...
It's my last term in senior high school and i go to a boarding school that doesn't allow phones (i wish it was hogwarts but the truth really slaps you) and since first year i've felt like my brain deteriorates every term because i really hate being out of touch with the world. That and telling me to talk to people is like asking me to repaint the Mona Lisa with toothpinks and nail polish. Me + Social interactions = zeus + loyalty to his wife. the people i call my friends only talk to me when their real proper friends aren't around and it sucks being second choice, you know. So im pretty much alone up there and ive kind of grown used to it...but sometimes it just gets...too much and i can't and im all alone and there's no one to rant my problems to. It reached a point i started talking to myself and my housemates started thinking i was crazy. I was really just waiting for some sign that im a demigod or a wizard or something and i kind of whisper my thoughts out loud sometimes.
ok, back on track...
i was just wondering if anyone could give some advice or words of encouragement because i leave tomorow (f-ck spelling and grammer) and dont come back till late september (fingers crossed that it's before 14th and 15th because felix and han) and im so scared. Ive been counting down the days like im going to die and it feels like im going to die because i might as well, because i feel like this time i wont survive and one day ill just break down and...idek...i dont like the stress. I dont like the loneliness. i dont like the pressure and the fleeting moments of nothing but my thoughts to entertain me and what if i actually break down and idk, im never the same again. Im quite scared. Its the last stretch but suddenly i cant find it in myself to lie that i can do it this time too.
"This will be pretty short ",they said, you know, like a liar.
It's my last term in senior high school and i go to a boarding school that doesn't allow phones (i wish it was hogwarts but the truth really slaps you) and since first year i've felt like my brain deteriorates every term because i really hate being out of touch with the world. That and telling me to talk to people is like asking me to repaint the Mona Lisa with toothpinks and nail polish. Me + Social interactions = zeus + loyalty to his wife. the people i call my friends only talk to me when their real proper friends aren't around and it sucks being second choice, you know. So im pretty much alone up there and ive kind of grown used to it...but sometimes it just gets...too much and i can't and im all alone and there's no one to rant my problems to. It reached a point i started talking to myself and my housemates started thinking i was crazy. I was really just waiting for some sign that im a demigod or a wizard or something and i kind of whisper my thoughts out loud sometimes.
ok, back on track...
i was just wondering if anyone could give some advice or words of encouragement because i leave tomorow (f-ck spelling and grammer) and dont come back till late september (fingers crossed that it's before 14th and 15th because felix and han) and im so scared. Ive been counting down the days like im going to die and it feels like im going to die because i might as well, because i feel like this time i wont survive and one day ill just break down and...idek...i dont like the stress. I dont like the loneliness. i dont like the pressure and the fleeting moments of nothing but my thoughts to entertain me and what if i actually break down and idk, im never the same again. Im quite scared. Its the last stretch but suddenly i cant find it in myself to lie that i can do it this time too.
"This will be pretty short ",they said, you know, like a liar.
