Neighbour and DV

So I have a neighbour opposite me who is in a abusive relationship with her partner , I hear them fighting all the time - he calls her a sket a **** and all the names you can think of under the sun . Things got quite heated and tonight he punched the wall outside my flat (he lives in the opposite flat in the corridor with his girlfriend who is the tenant) and even said to her that she was lucky “he didn’t punch her up” . Sometimes I can hear her screaming and crying for help inside . I feel bad and I know it’s not my position to get involved , but do you think I should knock on the door while he is gone and ask if she is alright ? Or am I putting myself in danger … the only reason stopping me from doing so is I don’t want to put myself in harms way too and for him to come after me even though he probably wouldn’t (I know them types acting all hard and bad and scary but deep inside their cowards they wouldn’t fight a man their own size - I have had personal experience with a relative so I know firsthand) which is the reason why I feel even more sorry for my neighbour . Bottom line is should I stay safe and not get involved ? Or is it ok if I ask she is alright ?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

By the way I’m female which makes me even more scared sometimes I do fear running into him in the corridor when I go out , but thankfully I haven’t seen him outside the flat just yet only just heard his voice so I have no idea how big and what he looks like . But he sounds ******* scary though especially when he shouts and slams stuff

Reply 2

Surnia

20

If you hear DV, a crime is being committed and you should call the police on 999. And you should do that every time it happens as it allows the police to build up a record for that address and they will offer help, as required. Do not approach your neighbour. Anyway, you may be told that everything is fine as people don't want to share their situation; it can be complex and they don't want to discuss that there are factors like finances prompting the trouble or don't want to press charges.

And don't assume it's only happening one way: women are also capable of DV and coercive control. You only hear them at certain times and don't know the full story.

This is based on the advice I got from the police after issues with next-door neighbours. One week I phoned 999 7 times in 5 nights because of fighting and in the daytime called 101 to ask exactly what I should do in this situation. Sorry to hear you're in this position, it is distressing, but inform the police and let them deal with it.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Surnia

If you hear DV, a crime is being committed and you should call the police on 999. And you should do that every time it happens as it allows the police to build up a record for that address and they will offer help, as required. Do not approach your neighbour. Anyway, you may be told that everything is fine as people don't want to share their situation; it can be complex and they don't want to discuss that there are factors like finances prompting the trouble or don't want to press charges.

And don't assume it's only happening one way: women are also capable of DV and coercive control. You only hear them at certain times and don't know the full story.

This is based on the advice I got from the police after issues with next-door neighbours. One week I phoned 999 7 times in 5 nights because of fighting and in the daytime called 101 to ask exactly what I should do in this situation. Sorry to hear you're in this position, it is distressing, but inform the police and let them deal with it.

Really ? Even if I’m not the victim reporting it they will still record it ? Ok I won’t I haven’t spoken to her since I wrote this post and don’t plan to . It’s just safer if I don’t get involved and let others handle it - such as police and security . (There’s security in the building I live in) . I know like I said I seen firsthand what an abusive relationship looked like from family that I lived with so I know .

True - I know women can be abusive too I’ve seen my fair side of abuse on both sides in a intimate relationship so trust me I know . I just assumed she was the victim as I mostly hear him berating her verbally and slamming stuff and her screaming “owww” and “help” .

Oh dear that’s not good - I hope you finally managed to move away or they moved away and you got a peace of your mind . I haven’t rung police but it’s pretty much happening this often with my neighbour . They said they was gonna break up twice but haven’t I just wish they would so they would just stop with the noise and the **** it gives me a headache sometimes tbh . It is . I moved away from a home full of DV only to end up with neighbours who are in a domestic - unfortunately my life is full of violence around me it seems . There are no normal couples these days who can get along well with each other without having to do this .

Reply 4

Surnia

20

Original post by Anonymous

Really ? Even if I’m not the victim reporting it they will still record it ? Ok I won’t I haven’t spoken to her since I wrote this post and don’t plan to . It’s just safer if I don’t get involved and let others handle it - such as police and security . (There’s security in the building I live in) . I know like I said I seen firsthand what an abusive relationship looked like from family that I lived with so I know .

True - I know women can be abusive too I’ve seen my fair side of abuse on both sides in a intimate relationship so trust me I know . I just assumed she was the victim as I mostly hear him berating her verbally and slamming stuff and her screaming “owww” and “help” .

Oh dear that’s not good - I hope you finally managed to move away or they moved away and you got a peace of your mind . I haven’t rung police but it’s pretty much happening this often with my neighbour . They said they was gonna break up twice but haven’t I just wish they would so they would just stop with the noise and the **** it gives me a headache sometimes tbh . It is . I moved away from a home full of DV only to end up with neighbours who are in a domestic - unfortunately my life is full of violence around me it seems . There are no normal couples these days who can get along well with each other without having to do this .

Thing is, DV victims won't usually report what's going on, it's up to other people, so yes, the police do keep a record. I don't associate with my neighbours and don't know their surnames, but if I call 999 and give their first names and address the police know exactly who it is and are round very quickly. That's why it's best to use them, and dealing with the criminal aspect and having the contacts for DV charities. If you use security, call the police as well. Is there a building owner you can contact for the anti-social behaviour part of it?

I own my house, so I'm not moving away. There are longer quiet spells now, but still the odd flare-up.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Surnia

Thing is, DV victims won't usually report what's going on, it's up to other people, so yes, the police do keep a record. I don't associate with my neighbours and don't know their surnames, but if I call 999 and give their first names and address the police know exactly who it is and are round very quickly. That's why it's best to use them, and dealing with the criminal aspect and having the contacts for DV charities. If you use security, call the police as well. Is there a building owner you can contact for the anti-social behaviour part of it?

I own my house, so I'm not moving away. There are longer quiet spells now, but still the odd flare-up.

Yes same I don’t know what they’re surnames are I only know their first names , only because I overheard them in arguments it’s like “Adele This” “Adele that” I have no idea what the boyfriend name is just hers. Well I do have the contact number for the building I’m living in yes , I have no idea who owns it I have no idea who my landlord is . Everything just got sorted for me when I moved in - I was just given a housing officer and several contact numbers of people to contact in emergencies .

I see . You can still move away even if you own a house, but it’s up to you . Sometimes it can be quiet too when they’re not fighting but when they do it’s noisy and very intense every time for about an hour or two each time . I just enjoy the quiet times while they last I guess .