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I've failed a year I really did not want to. There's something wrong with me.

Right now, I am finishing off HND Music in college, and I have failed because there's some work I have left too late from about February-onwards. I have no excuses, it's completely my fault, especially when I like this course & I like the tutors in it. I just could not get my head down as well as the first block (or semester), when I was getting in work early believe it or not. The main thing I have not completed was a unit on teaching an instrument. It consisted of recording an oral presentation of yourself explaining how to teach, considerations you'd have to take, the legality when teaching, etc., creating a lesson plan, and then filming yourself teaching someone. I didn't do it because I hate listening to myself back, which I would have to do so I could edit it down & check if everything was correct. I simply just did not do it & I felt utterly pathetic because I kept putting it off.

I really don't want to say that I have depression, I have great supportive parents, I have great brothers, I have great friends, I have a good home, I have a good life. People who I'm close friends with have life much worse than I do, which makes me feel like a total idiot when I say "I have been feeling depressed". It's not like the tutors wanted me to fail as well, they really wanted me to pass, which honestly makes this all the more worse. I just sound like I'm whining at this point, I feel, but I also feel that I do in fact need help.

Especially when I had already failed HNC Music during the lockdown online thing & had to resit, I should have done better & I know I could have done better. I am not happy with myself.

If it's of any consolation to myself, I did apply to a university that does HND Music who did give me an unconditional offer (I am doing HND Music right now, after all) & I'm using it as my "safety choice". I can bounce back. And the university I did want to go to (which does BA Hons Commercial Music) might let me in to a lower year, but that's not guaranteed.

I like music & I've invested so much of my time & energy into it. What the hell am I doing?
Original post by Anonymous
Right now, I am finishing off HND Music in college, and I have failed because there's some work I have left too late from about February-onwards. I have no excuses, it's completely my fault, especially when I like this course & I like the tutors in it. I just could not get my head down as well as the first block (or semester), when I was getting in work early believe it or not. The main thing I have not completed was a unit on teaching an instrument. It consisted of recording an oral presentation of yourself explaining how to teach, considerations you'd have to take, the legality when teaching, etc., creating a lesson plan, and then filming yourself teaching someone. I didn't do it because I hate listening to myself back, which I would have to do so I could edit it down & check if everything was correct. I simply just did not do it & I felt utterly pathetic because I kept putting it off.

I really don't want to say that I have depression, I have great supportive parents, I have great brothers, I have great friends, I have a good home, I have a good life. People who I'm close friends with have life much worse than I do, which makes me feel like a total idiot when I say "I have been feeling depressed". It's not like the tutors wanted me to fail as well, they really wanted me to pass, which honestly makes this all the more worse. I just sound like I'm whining at this point, I feel, but I also feel that I do in fact need help.

Especially when I had already failed HNC Music during the lockdown online thing & had to resit, I should have done better & I know I could have done better. I am not happy with myself.

If it's of any consolation to myself, I did apply to a university that does HND Music who did give me an unconditional offer (I am doing HND Music right now, after all) & I'm using it as my "safety choice". I can bounce back. And the university I did want to go to (which does BA Hons Commercial Music) might let me in to a lower year, but that's not guaranteed.

I like music & I've invested so much of my time & energy into it. What the hell am I doing?

How did you fail? Did you try hard?

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