Gcse English language paper 1 question 2

Hello!
I am wondering if someone could read this extract and tell me how many marks it would get and how I could improve? It’s for English language paper 1 question 2.

The writer uses the disgusting verb “oozing” to highlight the humanity that is shown on the bus. Perhaps they do this to show that humanity is generally a foreign object where they live so by having it ooze out of the people, it is an odd phenomenon. By using the verb oozing it has connotations of puss coming out of a spot. This puss can be thought of as disgusting and gross and something that shouldn’t be in the body, so by using it to describe humanity it reveals how the people on the bus (who don’t normally have humanity) are now overflowing with it. This is key to Rosabell’s bus journey home, because it demonstrates how this journey is different to the one that she normally takes. This affects the reader, by revealing her humanity can affect people.

Thank you!

Reply 1

Georgeallen

9

Hi Jane,

I think you have gotten a little confused with the extract here. The original comment of the spot is very nice and had good analysis. However, when the extract says "There was a sickening smell of warm humanity", the word "humanity" just refers to the smell of the people. I think you have taken humanity to mean something else, therefore significantly impacting the quality of your analysis.

Some other points you could've talked about:

"dullness to opal and silver" - the juxtaposition from dull to shiny and valuable items showing how Rosabell sees hope for the future.

"through her half-closed eyes" - the idea that she doesn't feel very comfortable and doesn't want to be there, but at the same time they are only "half" closed because she wants to see what's going on - she may feels in danger or on edge.

I do think that you have very good potential to succeed in this question but your choice of quotation given the lack of understanding impacted the mark. I think the most this could be given is around 2 or 3 out of 8. I would be more than happy to mark another response if you would like to write another one using the quotations I have given above. It is also worth pointing out that if you can, I would recommend writing 2 paragraphs for this question.

Reply 2

Jane Louise 223

OP

4

Original post by Georgeallen

Hi Jane,

I think you have gotten a little confused with the extract here. The original comment of the spot is very nice and had good analysis. However, when the extract says "There was a sickening smell of warm humanity", the word "humanity" just refers to the smell of the people. I think you have taken humanity to mean something else, therefore significantly impacting the quality of your analysis.

Some other points you could've talked about:

"dullness to opal and silver" - the juxtaposition from dull to shiny and valuable items showing how Rosabell sees hope for the future.

"through her half-closed eyes" - the idea that she doesn't feel very comfortable and doesn't want to be there, but at the same time they are only "half" closed because she wants to see what's going on - she may feels in danger or on edge.

I do think that you have very good potential to succeed in this question but your choice of quotation given the lack of understanding impacted the mark. I think the most this could be given is around 2 or 3 out of 8. I would be more than happy to mark another response if you would like to write another one using the quotations I have given above. It is also worth pointing out that if you can, I would recommend writing 2 paragraphs for this question.

Hello!
Thank you so much. I really struggle with picking out the appropriate phrase to analyse. I thought humanity meant “human kindness”, being there for each other etc. but I can see now how that doesn’t fit within the extract. I was wondering if you had any tips on picking out a good extract to analyse?
I have rewritten my paragraphs with your pointers here,

On the bus, the writer highlights rosabells sense of fear and how she feels uncomfortable in that situation. She is concerned about the behaviour of everyone else on the bus and she is looking at them through her “half closed eyes”. This reveals that she wants to get some rest, but she is so on edge and wary of everyone else on the bus that she doesn’t trust them not to take advantage of her and wants to be sure she knows what’s going on. This contrasts with rosabelles hopes and dreams of “opal and silver” in the future and could be a contributing factor to why she wants to go home. This may help the reader relate to Rosabell, especially if they have grown up poor or with little money because they understand the fear of being a girl/woman riding alone on a but, but having no other money to help them get out of the situation.
The writer uses a juxtaposition to highlight how Rosabell feels about her future. By describing the panes as “dull” it reflects how Rosabelle perceived her life as being boring and not worth anything. This makes you empathise with rosabell and it helps you to understand why she is feeling this way. But, then it contrasts and the panes turn from “dull to silver and opal”. Silver and opal are both rare gems which are hard to come across. This could demonstrate that she believes that she is going to leave her life of misery and come across a life of fulfilment and happiness which is normally hard to come across. These gems are rare and they are worth a lot of money, so by using these in particular perhaps the author is trying to reveal that the life she is going to lead later on is what every human aches for, what every person hopes to achieve. She is optimistic about her future and this could reminisce with the reader and help them understand that although they may be experiencing hardship in that moment, their life will get better and they will experience the sense of fulfilment in which rosabell is so desperate to achieve.

thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply!

Reply 3

Georgeallen

9

That's a much better response. You've successfully analysed the writer's choice of language with relevant textual detail and used accurate subject terminology such as "juxtaposition". The second paragraph was much stronger than the first; that is the kind of quality you want to maintain throughout your response. You could've potentially said that the "half-closed eyes" symbolise how Rosabell feels as though her life of poverty is so bad that she feels almost dead and therefore worthless to anybody.

Looking at the mark scheme, I would definitely give this a secure 6/8. With the first paragraph just having that little more analysis you could definitely move into a level 4 response. Well done, that is a fantastic improvement!

If you need any more help with this question or other questions, I will be around.

Gcse English language paper 1 question 2

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