Idk what's wrong with me and TMI warning in advance probably but I'm 22, female, and I'm attracted to guys over girls, but I still don't know if I'm a textbook heterosexual.
I've been into guys since I was young, and during my late teen years I was involved with boys (not serious but you know when you're in school and you're 'talking' to people). First proper boyfriend I was 17 and it lasted for not even 3 months, but we were 'talking' on and off for 2 years ish. When I was with him, I knew I liked him in a more-than-a-friend way but I didn't enjoy kissing him and I didn't feel anything more.
I thought I was asexual/maybe I was asexual because of this and haven't been involved with anyone seriously since then and that was 2020. I've had a 'talking' stage, but I didn't think about sex or have those feelings properly until like 9 months ago.
Maybe I'm a late bloomer that's probably the wrong term but since I've gone to uni I've found myself way more attracted to guys than before, I'm actually attracted to way too many people imo- guys just have to do the simplest thing and they don't even have to be visually my type at all and I'll think they're attractive.
HOWEVERRRRR I rarely think about sex. Sometimes I do like very very rarely but I think I might just have a low sex drive or something,, because sometimes I think about it but not as much as a regular person...? And I also think I'm just really insecure and hate myself so that also doesn't help. I have a disability/deformity that's very noticeable and causes me a lot of problems and when I'm in public I do always feel so insecure so that probably is worsening everything.
Maybe that's just it, low sex drive and insanely insecure which lowers the sex drive even more? Or is it normal to VERY rarely think about someone in a sexual way? If I see an attractive guy on the train I'll look at them a lot and internally be like omg, so that's me being into guys right? But I don't think about anything more unless it's someone I've come across a lot and know their personality. E.g., one of my guy best friends I used to have a thing with, I can think about him in that way,,, and there's a YouTuber who I'm OBSESSED with and in love with lol and I can think about him in that way.... but it's just so RARE I'm thinking maybe there's something up with me medically or emotionally..
SORRY IF THIS IS LONG