Ocd?
Hi, am not sure if this is ocd or not.
I don’t arrange stuff in a specific order, or do stuff in a specific order and nunbers ie locking the doors or wash my hands excessively.
Though some numbers like 5 and 9 I believe are evil, and never go near them.
But, my intrusive thoughts that keep telling me ‘you’ll fail’ or brings up this problem and that problem, and wouldnt leave me alone until i have solved it in my head.
And its come to a point taht i dont even attempt the task to avoid the clutter taht forms in my head whenever i attempt it now. The thought ‘you’ll fail’ keeps repeatung throughout the day regardless of the task and other thoughts like ‘your not worth it so dont even try’ etc. They’ve taken over my life so bad, i felt disabled to even attempt anything.
Or i would be obsessed over the difference between two things and wouldnt feel relived until i have figuered the difference.
Though, when i was young something in my head used to tell me to arrange the family shoes at the entrance in a specific order and if i dont, my father would be killed.
Or in the middle of the night i wouldnt be able to sleep, because something in me would be saying that darkness outside will kill him so bring him back home, and id be worried and not sleep till he came home.
Over time, i started to avoid ordering the shoes by telling myself to shut up and not think of my father or anything else to avoid these thoughts too. Ive began doing that with so much stuff, like the task i mentined above that keeps telling me you’ll fail. Dont know if thats just anxiety. But my mind to proce i will fail would bring so many problems in my head, taking over me.
Or i cant eat from the same place someones eaten or touch someone else has touched cauz id feel they have germs. And feel it would get on me if i went near it. And i avoid it.
Also, i constantly feel like theres something evil in my hand, and i would do a dropping gesture constantly to tell myself ive dropped it, id be doing this unconsciously and after a few times of doing ask myself what am i even doing, and stop myself when i become aware of it. The ither day for some reason i kept thinking ive got somebodys blood on my head. And i had to do that dropping gesture to feel like ive dropped the blood.
A constant song be playing in my head too. Apparently that has something to do with ocd.
Idk if this is ocd. But am scared of completing a task, because idk am just scared perhaps because i feel, there would be another problem to solve and i dont want to go there.
A part of that is the experience the last time i trying completing the task, it still gives me flashbacks of that time and how i felt. And to avoid that feeling i dont attempt it.
I don’t arrange stuff in a specific order, or do stuff in a specific order and nunbers ie locking the doors or wash my hands excessively.
Though some numbers like 5 and 9 I believe are evil, and never go near them.
But, my intrusive thoughts that keep telling me ‘you’ll fail’ or brings up this problem and that problem, and wouldnt leave me alone until i have solved it in my head.
And its come to a point taht i dont even attempt the task to avoid the clutter taht forms in my head whenever i attempt it now. The thought ‘you’ll fail’ keeps repeatung throughout the day regardless of the task and other thoughts like ‘your not worth it so dont even try’ etc. They’ve taken over my life so bad, i felt disabled to even attempt anything.
Or i would be obsessed over the difference between two things and wouldnt feel relived until i have figuered the difference.
Though, when i was young something in my head used to tell me to arrange the family shoes at the entrance in a specific order and if i dont, my father would be killed.
Or in the middle of the night i wouldnt be able to sleep, because something in me would be saying that darkness outside will kill him so bring him back home, and id be worried and not sleep till he came home.
Over time, i started to avoid ordering the shoes by telling myself to shut up and not think of my father or anything else to avoid these thoughts too. Ive began doing that with so much stuff, like the task i mentined above that keeps telling me you’ll fail. Dont know if thats just anxiety. But my mind to proce i will fail would bring so many problems in my head, taking over me.
Or i cant eat from the same place someones eaten or touch someone else has touched cauz id feel they have germs. And feel it would get on me if i went near it. And i avoid it.
Also, i constantly feel like theres something evil in my hand, and i would do a dropping gesture constantly to tell myself ive dropped it, id be doing this unconsciously and after a few times of doing ask myself what am i even doing, and stop myself when i become aware of it. The ither day for some reason i kept thinking ive got somebodys blood on my head. And i had to do that dropping gesture to feel like ive dropped the blood.
A constant song be playing in my head too. Apparently that has something to do with ocd.
Idk if this is ocd. But am scared of completing a task, because idk am just scared perhaps because i feel, there would be another problem to solve and i dont want to go there.
A part of that is the experience the last time i trying completing the task, it still gives me flashbacks of that time and how i felt. And to avoid that feeling i dont attempt it.
Look into pure O OCD. There is symptom overlap with ADHD too. I'd advise avoid self diagnosis and just settle on that you have traits from x disorder rather than saying you have x disorder. See if a GP can help you, I think CAHMS can also aid with getting a diagnosis. I get intrusive thoughts too.
Original post by IDKwhatUsername9
Look into pure O OCD. There is symptom overlap with ADHD too. I'd advise avoid self diagnosis and just settle on that you have traits from x disorder rather than saying you have x disorder. See if a GP can help you, I think CAHMS can also aid with getting a diagnosis. I get intrusive thoughts too.
Thank you for the post! Yes ive been looking into adhd too and can relate to a lot of stuff.
Just trying to identify whats wrong with me, because I’ve genuinely started feeling this isnt normal. I should get a therapist but i feel too overwhelmed and insecure seeing a therapist, for somereason I think everything that i feel is what am making up and it isnt real, am just making myself feel this way. So i feel a therapist would invalidate me. So am kinda just tryna help myseld on my own for now. : )))
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for the post! Yes ive been looking into adhd too and can relate to a lot of stuff.
Just trying to identify whats wrong with me, because I’ve genuinely started feeling this isnt normal. I should get a therapist but i feel too overwhelmed and insecure seeing a therapist, for somereason I think everything that i feel is what am making up and it isnt real, am just making myself feel this way. So i feel a therapist would invalidate me. So am kinda just tryna help myseld on my own for now. : )))
Just trying to identify whats wrong with me, because I’ve genuinely started feeling this isnt normal. I should get a therapist but i feel too overwhelmed and insecure seeing a therapist, for somereason I think everything that i feel is what am making up and it isnt real, am just making myself feel this way. So i feel a therapist would invalidate me. So am kinda just tryna help myseld on my own for now. : )))
I’d advise looking into counselling before you pay for a therapist but having one will absolutely not invalidate you. There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you, its simply how your brain works
. I understand intrusive thoughts are disturbing as i have them too, my gp is putting me in contact with CAHMS for my depression however hopefully they will be able to get me a diagnosis for whatever is going on in my mind. Youve had your thoughts for long enough now… its time to get some support for it
