Hey, thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story with us. I know how scary it is to put yourself out there and you chose to do so. I am proud of you.
In all seriousness, this topic is very difficult to articulate because there is just so much to say and yet so little. But you managed to give us a better perspective for which I am thankful. My relationship with my parents is also not the best. Most of the time, I get this feeling that I am trapped with nowhere to go. Parents have this narrow worldview in which they want us to fit otherwise we become strangers in our own family. We sometimes become our parents emotional punching bags where they yell at us and belittle us because they are angry at something or someone but can't do anything about it.
But on the other hand, I love my parents a lot and if anybody says or does anything to them, I get angry on their behalf. I know it is a case by case and everybody is different but all in all, I guess most of us have a love-hate relationship with our parents.
I just want to tell you that we can hate people who we love, especially our parents as they are humans too and can make mistakes. You don't have to feel guilty about it because hate and love are two sides of the same coin.
Also, thanks for making us feel like we should try to be better.