Feel like I’m stuck
Like many people Covid happened at a time in my life when I was going through many life changes in the form of graduating from college and starting uni. I moved home and graduated on zoom and then started uni only to quit after a term. Half a year later my mentor died, she was incredibly important to me and what I was doing and working towards as a career (photography). I grieved for a year but it never really got better. Started another uni and to cut a long story short my university is ableist and their actions and lies led to me having to get a lawyer. I’m supposed to graduate in a year but don’t have enough credits and am no longer interested in my degree and feel like I have no future. It’s like I’m in a deep dark pit that is only ever temporarily filled by continuing to exercise, eat healthy, go to therapy and take meds and be busy but I feel like everything is kind of unreal. Does anyone else have this and if so what helps?
I sense your pain and your distress. Your losses are huge and your reaction to those losses absolutely understandable. The emotional pain you must feel right now is real so don't fight it, just go with it and feel whatever you feel for any moment in time. That is ok but in-between try to keep to a routine and keep occupied with things you enjoy doing. There are many other options in life other than Uni.
I am interested to know if you had any issues with your mental health prior to starting Uni or whether starting Uni was the catalyst for your world and your emotional health unravelling. Often it is the added stress into a fragile emotional state that causes the most damage and a melt down. What was it at Uni that caused you to bail out so early after hardly getting your feet under the table? Did you feel lonely? Was the course very different to that which you expected? Did you find difficulty getting established with a new group of strangers? Were there practical difficulties?
Starting somewhere completely alien and new is one of life's biggest stressors. Losing someone who has been of major importance to you for spiritual support is also a huge stressor.
When things don't go as planned it is easy to hang our anger on something else and avoid exploring how our own outlook and actions have helped create the situation? You were starting study again in a vulnerable state (grieving) starting on the back of a self removal from a University and not having a secure rock to hold on to. So when things didn't go as planned it was easier to rage at the world and to look to find fault in absolutely everything and everyone. It is quite likely you were raging against the unfairness of battling alone without your mentor? When you perceive a fault or an action meted out against you that caused pain or distress you become sensitised to that pain. Your prism of life experience then starts to be sensitised too looking for further criticisms or failures. You probably had no one to help you when you needed that help the most, and I am guessing that is one of the reasons you perhaps resorted to legal action?
So now you are stuck in the goldfish bowl of dark treacle? How the hell do you find the light and the Oxygen at the top of the bowl even less climb out? Firstly believe there is a way out even though it is not straight forward. Keep trying do not give up trying.
Positives - You are doing your best to nurture your physical self with exercise, nutrients and soothing your emotional soul with meds and therapy. Some times getting out of the darkness is like switching a switch - if only you can just tap into it.
Do the best you can on any day - try to do one small practical task each day to chip away at 5000 tasks. Never look at the whole picture too much when you feel down. Just do one small thing. It doesn't have to be perfect just that you have given it your best shot.
Surround yourself with happy people and people who make you laugh. Laughter is a huge plus and a huge boost to a tired and weary soul.
Reach out to your close friends, even if there are only a few still around. Meet up face to face and share your feelings and your journey thus far.
You will never lose the good times or lose the valuable support you gained from your mentor. Hold that dear to your heart. It is crushing that she is no longer with you but work your socks off in her memory to be the best you can ever be and achieve the impossible. If you have found such amazing support from your mentor realise that this can happen again in a different place and a different time with someone else. You had the courage to try study in an independent environment. Even though it may not have worked out you tried it and had the courage to try it. Congratulate yourself for that. If you have any connection to the Uni use their welfare and support services and explore every job or career on offer. Don't dismiss anything but take time to think about it.
Make a wish list of all the things you have ever wanted to do in life. Dream, and drift. Dream before you go to sleep and while you are really relaxed visualise each one of your ideas, each one of them. How you look, how you feel, what you see yourself doing. You can create your own vision and know you can change if you want to change in life. Never take 'no' for an answer (unless you don't own it and can't legally achieve it)
Use a 5 items that make me happy exercise:
It helps to be really relaxed to draw down on memories of a lifetime of happy times. You may struggle to get 5 examples for each. Think about just one category as you drift off to sleep, then write down your thoughts. Keep the list close by, and when you feel bad look at the happy list. It can help pull your mood through.
5 People who make me happy?
5 Places that make me happy?
5 Tastes that make me happy?
5 Smells that make me happy?
5 Textures that make me happy?
5 Animals or pets that make me happy?
5 Objects that make me happy?
5 Activities that make me happy?
5 Colours that make me happy?
5 Sounds that make me happy?
Gain support too from the many bereavement charities eg Cruse; Sue Ryder; Family Lives
One day you might just find that cloud has lifted and you are ready to try again. Don't give up. Life is full of surprises, some good, some bad (some absolutely awful) Try everything on offer at least once and climb back into the saddle. Keep thinking forward and keep happy memories. Wishing you all the best.
I am interested to know if you had any issues with your mental health prior to starting Uni or whether starting Uni was the catalyst for your world and your emotional health unravelling. Often it is the added stress into a fragile emotional state that causes the most damage and a melt down. What was it at Uni that caused you to bail out so early after hardly getting your feet under the table? Did you feel lonely? Was the course very different to that which you expected? Did you find difficulty getting established with a new group of strangers? Were there practical difficulties?
Starting somewhere completely alien and new is one of life's biggest stressors. Losing someone who has been of major importance to you for spiritual support is also a huge stressor.
When things don't go as planned it is easy to hang our anger on something else and avoid exploring how our own outlook and actions have helped create the situation? You were starting study again in a vulnerable state (grieving) starting on the back of a self removal from a University and not having a secure rock to hold on to. So when things didn't go as planned it was easier to rage at the world and to look to find fault in absolutely everything and everyone. It is quite likely you were raging against the unfairness of battling alone without your mentor? When you perceive a fault or an action meted out against you that caused pain or distress you become sensitised to that pain. Your prism of life experience then starts to be sensitised too looking for further criticisms or failures. You probably had no one to help you when you needed that help the most, and I am guessing that is one of the reasons you perhaps resorted to legal action?
So now you are stuck in the goldfish bowl of dark treacle? How the hell do you find the light and the Oxygen at the top of the bowl even less climb out? Firstly believe there is a way out even though it is not straight forward. Keep trying do not give up trying.
Positives - You are doing your best to nurture your physical self with exercise, nutrients and soothing your emotional soul with meds and therapy. Some times getting out of the darkness is like switching a switch - if only you can just tap into it.
Do the best you can on any day - try to do one small practical task each day to chip away at 5000 tasks. Never look at the whole picture too much when you feel down. Just do one small thing. It doesn't have to be perfect just that you have given it your best shot.
Surround yourself with happy people and people who make you laugh. Laughter is a huge plus and a huge boost to a tired and weary soul.
Reach out to your close friends, even if there are only a few still around. Meet up face to face and share your feelings and your journey thus far.
You will never lose the good times or lose the valuable support you gained from your mentor. Hold that dear to your heart. It is crushing that she is no longer with you but work your socks off in her memory to be the best you can ever be and achieve the impossible. If you have found such amazing support from your mentor realise that this can happen again in a different place and a different time with someone else. You had the courage to try study in an independent environment. Even though it may not have worked out you tried it and had the courage to try it. Congratulate yourself for that. If you have any connection to the Uni use their welfare and support services and explore every job or career on offer. Don't dismiss anything but take time to think about it.
Make a wish list of all the things you have ever wanted to do in life. Dream, and drift. Dream before you go to sleep and while you are really relaxed visualise each one of your ideas, each one of them. How you look, how you feel, what you see yourself doing. You can create your own vision and know you can change if you want to change in life. Never take 'no' for an answer (unless you don't own it and can't legally achieve it)
Use a 5 items that make me happy exercise:
It helps to be really relaxed to draw down on memories of a lifetime of happy times. You may struggle to get 5 examples for each. Think about just one category as you drift off to sleep, then write down your thoughts. Keep the list close by, and when you feel bad look at the happy list. It can help pull your mood through.
5 People who make me happy?
5 Places that make me happy?
5 Tastes that make me happy?
5 Smells that make me happy?
5 Textures that make me happy?
5 Animals or pets that make me happy?
5 Objects that make me happy?
5 Activities that make me happy?
5 Colours that make me happy?
5 Sounds that make me happy?
Gain support too from the many bereavement charities eg Cruse; Sue Ryder; Family Lives
One day you might just find that cloud has lifted and you are ready to try again. Don't give up. Life is full of surprises, some good, some bad (some absolutely awful) Try everything on offer at least once and climb back into the saddle. Keep thinking forward and keep happy memories. Wishing you all the best.
