schizophrenia?
im being extremely vulnerable right now but i need to understand this somehow. in 2020, i think i went full blown schizophrenic, from what i remember, lockdown was extremely peaceful and a happy time, the happiest time of my life really. maybe because i was fully delusional, anyway, in 2020 i was obsessed with tarot card readings, i would watch hours and hours and hours of videos of these people telling me things about my future, im talking in bed all day doing this for MONTHS, video after video after video, they would tell me the same exact thing over and over again and i believed it, how could they be right every single time when they are different videos created by different people is what i thought (the things they were telling me were very specific i dont feel comfortable explaining what but they were specific) and i fully believed it, i am ashamed of my actions now because i am a religious person and i shouldn't believe these things i am just dealing with immense guilt now. i usually have delusions about other things in my life, but generally speaking, in 2020, i would live my life with this excitement thinking these things would happen, i would see things and believe it was a sign, i am diagnosed OCD and went to therapy for it this year so maybe that made the obsessive card readings worse, but yeah im much better now, i dont believe them, im just remembering my life in lockdown and realising how crazy i was, you literally couldn't convince be what i believed wasn't going to happen this is not a joke, and no one knows, not even my therapist tbh, im just scared ill slip into that again although as i was living it life was good, i just want to protect my brain lol
Original post by Anonymous
im being extremely vulnerable right now but i need to understand this somehow. in 2020, i think i went full blown schizophrenic, from what i remember, lockdown was extremely peaceful and a happy time, the happiest time of my life really. maybe because i was fully delusional, anyway, in 2020 i was obsessed with tarot card readings, i would watch hours and hours and hours of videos of these people telling me things about my future, im talking in bed all day doing this for MONTHS, video after video after video, they would tell me the same exact thing over and over again and i believed it, how could they be right every single time when they are different videos created by different people is what i thought (the things they were telling me were very specific i dont feel comfortable explaining what but they were specific) and i fully believed it, i am ashamed of my actions now because i am a religious person and i shouldn't believe these things i am just dealing with immense guilt now. i usually have delusions about other things in my life, but generally speaking, in 2020, i would live my life with this excitement thinking these things would happen, i would see things and believe it was a sign, i am diagnosed OCD and went to therapy for it this year so maybe that made the obsessive card readings worse, but yeah im much better now, i dont believe them, im just remembering my life in lockdown and realising how crazy i was, you literally couldn't convince be what i believed wasn't going to happen this is not a joke, and no one knows, not even my therapist tbh, im just scared ill slip into that again although as i was living it life was good, i just want to protect my brain lol
The type of thing you are describing could very well be linked to your OCD, rather than being something like schizophrenia. I say this because intrusive thoughts and obsessions in OCD tend to be opposite to your beliefs, values or personality, which it seems was the case for you here. I'm glad you are doing well now and have managed to overcome such a difficult time.
