Mum taking energy conservation to the extreme
So I’ve just come back to my family home after my year abroad, planned to stay here a couple weeks before the next year starts for uni. It’s just my mum living here, and it turns out she’s been taking energy conservation to the absolute extreme to save money. For context, she’s 65 and from an ex-soviet country so she’s always been a bit loopy, owns her house & paid off mortgage thanks to her ex husband (no relation of mine), lives off 8 grand a year working part time, no car, only financial responsibly is gas/electric/water bills and food. I'm 22 years old living off student finance.
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
(edited 7 months ago)
If it is really taking a toll on you, do you have any mates you can stay with for at least a few days just to have a break from it? The situation is only temporary and regardless it wont last for forever (for you). Also is your mum eligible for benefits? 8k a year seems like hardly enough to even support one person
Original post by Yasuda
So I’ve just come back to my family home after my year abroad, planned to stay here a couple weeks before the next year starts for uni. It’s just my mum living here, and it turns out she’s been taking energy conservation to the absolute extreme to save money. For context, she’s 65 and from an ex-soviet country so she’s always been a bit loopy, owns her house & paid off mortgage thanks to her ex husband (no relation of mine), lives off 8 grand a year working part time, no car, only financial responsibly is gas/electric/water bills and food. I'm 22 years old living off student finance.
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
Please leave, this is so unsanitary and unhealthy. Try to cancel your booking and get on a train quickly, you could easily get sick from that environment. Even as I read this, I felt nauseous. In all seriousness, you need to talk to your mother, my Grandma is also in her 60s and would never in a million years live like this. If your mother wants to save money, there are other ways, if you see that your mother could also be a potential risk to herself, get family members involved, she could get seriously ill from this routine. Take a shower everyday, go out to eat and please flush the damn toilet till you can find a way to get out of there, just because your mother is living like this doesn't mean you have to. Your 22, do what you damn please when it affects your health. This is no way to live, absolutely disgusting.
Original post by Anonymous
Please leave, this is so unsanitary and unhealthy. Try to cancel your booking and get on a train quickly, you could easily get sick from that environment. Even as I read this, I felt nauseous. In all seriousness, you need to talk to your mother, my Grandma is also in her 60s and would never in a million years live like this. If your mother wants to save money, there are other ways, if you see that your mother could also be a potential risk to herself, get family members involved, she could get seriously ill from this routine. Take a shower everyday, go out to eat and please flush the damn toilet till you can find a way to get out of there, just because your mother is living like this doesn't mean you have to. Your 22, do what you damn please when it affects your health. This is no way to live, absolutely disgusting.
I agree with you and don't know if you are the same person I tried to give a rep earlier but I can't give you a rep. How is this even called living?
How does anyone surive with only one showe r a week. In this heat you need at least 2/3 and would never dream on not having one. Maybe the mother has financial problems and doesn't any other way to save money. so sad.
Original post by Yasuda
So I’ve just come back to my family home after my year abroad, planned to stay here a couple weeks before the next year starts for uni. It’s just my mum living here, and it turns out she’s been taking energy conservation to the absolute extreme to save money. For context, she’s 65 and from an ex-soviet country so she’s always been a bit loopy, owns her house & paid off mortgage thanks to her ex husband (no relation of mine), lives off 8 grand a year working part time, no car, only financial responsibly is gas/electric/water bills and food. I'm 22 years old living off student finance.
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
was your mum always like this? I think she is struggling financially.
Original post by Yasuda
So I’ve just come back to my family home after my year abroad, planned to stay here a couple weeks before the next year starts for uni. It’s just my mum living here, and it turns out she’s been taking energy conservation to the absolute extreme to save money. For context, she’s 65 and from an ex-soviet country so she’s always been a bit loopy, owns her house & paid off mortgage thanks to her ex husband (no relation of mine), lives off 8 grand a year working part time, no car, only financial responsibly is gas/electric/water bills and food. I'm 22 years old living off student finance.
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
Your mum is very clearly suffering from mental illness. Sometimes, these are the type of ways in which it can manifest; extreme new routines and beliefs, being finicky or rather persnickety behaviour and deteriorating personal hygiene such as described. You imply she lives on her own, it may be that your leaving home (her last companion) has resulted in a downward spiral. Rather than abandoning her, what you should do is try and get her to the doctor's for an assessment and take it from there.
I would expect this is behaviour born from fear. 8k is not a lot to run a house on and with all the reports of electricity and gas prices, food increases etc, it can very quickly lead to this sort of fear.
I speak from experience, I have a low income and when you account for gas, electric, council tax, water, telephone and internet as basic outgoings, it doesn't leave a lot for food or any kind of luxuries (Sky TV or other subscriptions, non yellow sticker food etc). Add the increases in gas and electric in the last 12 months and balancing that budget becomes nigh on impossible.
I cut back last winter, my thermostat was set at 14 degrees, I couldn't afford to have it any higher and we had less lights on too. Ok I didn't stop cooking or using a fridge or freezer but I have to be honest, in my most desperate times when my bank account was going deeper into the red trying to keep up, it did cross my mind.
I'm still playing catch up from those bills because it was unaffordable despite the lack of heat and all the other cut backs, others may not be prepared or able to think about doing that.
I speak from experience, I have a low income and when you account for gas, electric, council tax, water, telephone and internet as basic outgoings, it doesn't leave a lot for food or any kind of luxuries (Sky TV or other subscriptions, non yellow sticker food etc). Add the increases in gas and electric in the last 12 months and balancing that budget becomes nigh on impossible.
I cut back last winter, my thermostat was set at 14 degrees, I couldn't afford to have it any higher and we had less lights on too. Ok I didn't stop cooking or using a fridge or freezer but I have to be honest, in my most desperate times when my bank account was going deeper into the red trying to keep up, it did cross my mind.
I'm still playing catch up from those bills because it was unaffordable despite the lack of heat and all the other cut backs, others may not be prepared or able to think about doing that.
Original post by Yasuda
So I’ve just come back to my family home after my year abroad, planned to stay here a couple weeks before the next year starts for uni. It’s just my mum living here, and it turns out she’s been taking energy conservation to the absolute extreme to save money. For context, she’s 65 and from an ex-soviet country so she’s always been a bit loopy, owns her house & paid off mortgage thanks to her ex husband (no relation of mine), lives off 8 grand a year working part time, no car, only financial responsibly is gas/electric/water bills and food. I'm 22 years old living off student finance.
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
She sits in complete darkness (turning on the light is banned), showers once a week, doesn’t use any electrical appliances so spends all day doing crosswords, fridge is unplugged, only eats raw food to avoid using the cooker, doesn’t flush the toilet, the list goes on. Coming home to this was just an absolutely pitiful sight, but 2 days in I realised I would be forced to participate. I have to get into a physical altercation any time I try to do something normal like turn on the light, take a shower, flush the toilet, anything that will make the bills go up.
I really don’t know what to do. It goes without saying, but having your own mother shoving and punching you every time you shower, having to sit in complete darkness, eating unrefrigerated food, it takes a toll on your mental health. I booked the train tickets to my uni acom before I knew about any of this, and there’s still another 2 weeks left until then. I also just feel very sorry for her. I don’t know how much money she’s saving by doing this, but it can’t be worth it.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
Hi, my mum is 75 and does some of the above but not the stuff in bold. Fortunately she doesn't get physical or argumentative but I get the odd comment and while she uses electricity she does turn of TV on stand by etc at the plug which can get a bit annoying.
Long story short she grew up in a time of rationing and austerity after WW2. She's improved a little over the years but that tune has never really left her. To a point it has its merits but taken too far it can have big negatives. Houses that aren't heated can go mouldy and cause more costs potentially in the long run. As you've noticed too little light can be depressing moreso if cold temperature and no heating on.
If your mother is ex-soviet then the conditions she is living in are likely very reminiscent of the conditions she grew up in. It's likely very difficult for her to leave that mindset, she may even find it comforting like being back with that familiarity around her. At worst she may see it as a badge of honour, my mother is that way inclined but fortunately she tends to focus that stuff on herself and like I say has eased a little over time. Still she likes to run around turning off lights when most lights we have are LEDs and so cost next to nothing to run.
So I'm not so sure your Mother's situation is because she is short on money more likely because she is stuck in that mindset. That can be very difficult to near on impossible to change unfortunately. My mother has plenty of money but still she insists on her frugal ways lol.
Possibly without being too invasive or tackless is see if your mother financial situation could be improved at all. You say she is 65, is she able to claim the full state pension? If not can she claim pension tax credits or something else, working tax credits through Universal Credit, etc. Is she paying the full Council tax as if living single she could claim a 25 Percent single persons tax discount, if your in halls then I would say you're not actually living there, you just visit here & there. Also bear in mind that while she would pay any income tax or national insurance in her wages she won't get national insurance stamp either if she needs extra years as income would have to be over £12.5k per year for that. So that can lead to potentially less pension if she isn't accruing National Insurance stamp.
If she has any disabilities she might be able to claim benefit for that or if you are a carer benefit might be possible to claim.
Citizens Advice might know more on what she might be able to claim and missing out on. Possibly if she is in low money she might be able to pay less council tax also.
Lights might be worth having a word as most light bulbs are low energy these days so will only cost a few pennies a week to run, so kind of pointless getting worked up over that. Toilets probably won't be much of a problem if just number 1's though a bit unpleasant but number 2's will really stink and attract flies and be a bit too grim really.
Possibly if your Mother dislikes work a lot or has trouble claiming state pension then it may be that she begrudges her earnings being spent as she has to go out to get more, etc.
My guess is though it may well be more down to mentality than financial but it could well be that she might be missing out on financial benefits as above that might ease the situation. Be careful if raising it though as she might be very cagey/pride about it all.
Original post by Ashinski
Crumbs what a situation, flushing the toilet will not increase the water bill, that is a set amount per quarter.
It depends whether you're on a water meter or not.
I'm on a water meter, and pay around £1 a day for water (including water usage, sewerage, and the standing charge). It's a considerable saving over what I would have been paying had I not had the meter installed when I moved in.
Original post by martin7
It depends whether you're on a water meter or not.
I'm on a water meter, and pay around £1 a day for water (including water usage, sewerage, and the standing charge). It's a considerable saving over what I would have been paying had I not had the meter installed when I moved in.
I'm on a water meter, and pay around £1 a day for water (including water usage, sewerage, and the standing charge). It's a considerable saving over what I would have been paying had I not had the meter installed when I moved in.
Does the water meter tell you how much you used and how much it costs? Our water company is going to install it and I am happy having the freedom not to watch how much water is used. Not keen on water meters
Original post by Kutie Karen
Does the water meter tell you how much you used and how much it costs? Our water company is going to install it and I am happy having the freedom not to watch how much water is used. Not keen on water meters
My water meter is in a pit about 50cm from the pavement and about 20cm down. It needs to be read manually -- the display has rotating counters. I didn't even know what it looked like till I went to look at it earlier, and it has been in place for 10 years!
Original post by martin7
My water meter is in a pit about 50cm from the pavement and about 20cm down. It needs to be read manually -- the display has rotating counters. I didn't even know what it looked like till I went to look at it earlier, and it has been in place for 10 years!
oh. I thought they put something in your home liek a a gas meter
Original post by Kutie Karen
oh. I thought they put something in your home liek a a gas meter
Sometimes it's inside the house near the main cut off valve where you can look at it... but also it's common for it to be down a hole in the pavement.
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