I don't know what to do

Hi there, my name is Sajid, I am 18 and I suffer from Aspergers/Autism, ADD, Anxiety and Depression and I really want to talk to someone about this, anyone who can give me advice on what to do with my life. I have 2 massive problems that I want to talk about:


My parents are evil, vile toxic people who have put me through so much and have done unspeakable things to me. They have given me the most horrific upbringing, I have grown up living with a father who is a man-child, he is a mad dog that can't be reasoned with and screams, swears at me in the most savage aggressive way, over literally nothing, he used to beat me up badly, when I was around 9-10 which has still left with me trauma and long term cognitive issues today (I'm 18 now), and still gives me chills when I think about it. He does not do this to me Anymore since years, but this till affects me. His behaviour is very unpredictable and will have these outbursts at me, for no reason over silly things such as, saying that the time is wrong, in a calm, "normal" way (Yes I know, he is not mentally there and has a mentality of child and doesn't know appropriate communication), he is an evil man also and ruined my life in every way, has caused so much bad luck and misfortune to life, he is literally the DEVIL as a person. There are also times where he will go out of his way to pick fights with people, and provoke them, pushing them to their limits till they lash out so he can yell back at them because it gives him that stimulation like he enjoys it, although not diagnosed I believe he truly is a psychopath as he certainly has the traits. My mom is also similar but less insane and more rational that he is, however she can also be very aggressive and have these vicious episodes at me over little things like not cleaning my room when being asked, for example when I talk to her about my emotions, as I suffer with Anxiety and Depression, she shuts me out and starts swearing at me and says "I don't care", "Kill yourself if you want to it's your choice", she never really cared about me but it has been over the last year she has started saying stuff like that to me, which has left me outraged and really angry and deeply upset with her as she knows how much I have been through in my life and she is the only adult I have now to talk to in my life, she is very cruel and vile to me instead of supporting me, whilst I am in tears and feel down she screams and tears me to bits even more saying such horrid things to me, like I don't care about you, you deserve it, I don't care. When I want to talk If I feel down or just want a hug she tells me to get lost and does not give a damn about my mental wellbeing, she never has cared about me at all, she has witnessed the horrific things that I have had to deal with but has no compassion or remorse, she can be just as EXTREMELY aggressive and vicious just as my dad, screaming like a posessed demon and uses such cruel swear words to me. She also has mental issues too with depression, which I don't blame her after putting up 20 years living with that insane, big dumb animal dad of mine, she was forced to marry, she also has all the qualities of an absolute toxic narcissist, I am not labelling anyone but she has these traits for sure 100%. Tbh she never has cared about my mental wellbeing but recently it has gotten worse after her mum passed away, it was only till now the past year she has been saying these outrageous things to me like "go kill yourself if you want to, I don't care about you do what you want", because of this I don't really have that emotional connection with her anymore, and just shut her out of my life like I have with my dad. Despite her evils however I still accept her as a mother as she has done lots of important things for me, My parents do not do it occasionally now every day non stop like they used to as social workers intervened 2 years ago, but this does happen 2 or three times every 2 weeks or so, but it still affects me today, they have left me mentally and psychologically damaged for life these people have.

Despite all of this, I have overcome alot of barriers they have created for me, on top of all this I also have Mild Autism, ADD, Anxiety, Depression, so it's an absolute miracle as everyone says that I am still who I am today, you would believe that me coming this far is astounding and absolutely remarkable, as my neurological issues and have the most messed up upbringing, and it has been x1000 times harder for me to study because I am so slow at things due to my mental health but I still sacrificed days and nights just to get decent grades. I believe it is God that saved me as I prayed and worked every single minute of my life at college, when I was around 14 I told myself that I will NOT let my past define me, I will not let my messed up upbringing define me, I want a future and break the vicious cycle of a dysfunctional family, abusive insane family, by getting a job, getting married and having a family of my own, so I worked as hard as I bloody could in my A Levels, and was offered a place at a very good college, right, and the audacity that these EVIL parents of mine have, to actually go round bragging to people about my remarkable achievements is REALLY infuriating, it angers me so much and plays on my mind everyday after what those cruel did to me. They go round telling people that "Oh my son is going "######" a top uni" just to make themselves look like a "good parents", they want to get credit for being such "Great, lovely people who did a great job raising him to be sucessfull". They are the most two faced people you will ever meet. I really want people to know the true colours of these evil people one day, and I plan to do something in the future so the whole world know how evil they are.
(Dialemma 1)

And a huge dilemma I have is that, I meant to be starting UNI next week, however I have to take a gap year, because I feel mentally burned out and not at all ready to move away and study, especially because I haven't got basic skills like learning how to cook yet, or the language needed to learn the course, so I wanted to defer till 2024 so I can learn as much as I can so next year I feel confident I can take this on because the course I am doing is very tough, and I do not want to fail all of my modules and waste £12K, however I HAVE TO STAY HERE AGAIN, I hate staying in my home because I never leave the house and I am surrounded by people who I absolutely HATE. and the thought of taking the gap year even though it is what is best for me so I don't struggle really, really depresses me, and makes me cry because since 13 years of age, I wanted to get out of this house away from this insane dysfunctional family, and start my own separate life, study so I can get a future and live a happier NORMAL better life, but I have to stay here because I do not have the money to go elsewhere. I am desperate to get out of here after all these years wanting to leave, but I am in such a difficult position, because I am defo sure that I will struggle if I go now.
(Dialemma 2)