The Student Room Logo

Unemployed, no love life, feel so behind

I’m male, almost 19, and have had on and off problems with my mental health for years. Although only 18, I just feel like I’m not good enough for anything- and never will be. Everyone around me my age seems to have their life together- employed, have been in relationships before, can drive, etc. I have none of that, and I’m completely losing motivation for anything altogether.

Unemployed- I’m at college, but have been trying to get a part time job since I turned 16. Applied to countless supermarkets, got to the interview process, and have been turned down every single time with little to no feedback. I’m a smart guy, but have bad social anxiety, so I expect that had something to do with it. I feel so limited as to what I can do- with very little money to do anything the typical 18yro does- clubbing, drinking, travelling, going out anywhere interesting.

No love life- I’m straight. Although socially anxious, I can communicate decently well with people I’m close to- and have plenty of friends- male and female. Throughout the years, naturally, I have had crushes on one or two. I’ve flirted with them, tried subtly making it know that I’m interested in them, but I have such a fear of rejection and embarrassment (especially as they’re close friends), that I feel I’ll never have the courage to make the first move. I’m also so bad at reading people, and have the toughest time working out if they feel the same about me.

I just feel so behind, and like I’m going to miss out on all the fun typical of someone late teens/early 20s. Everyone I know my age seems to have their lives together, and although I shouldn’t compare myself to others- it’s so unbelievably demotivating.

Honestly, if anyone has some sort of advice, I would love to hear. I feel worse and worse as I’m getting older.
Reply 1
Hi mate. It is always hard when we see our peers doing things and we start feeling left behind. But remember, you are only 18 and so still young and have plenty of time to get where you want to be.

It sounds like you have some real positives - bright, attending college, large social group - so don't underestimate that. I know that it is challenging when you don't have the money to socialise more and to do the things that you want, like learning to drive. Keep trying with the job applications. I am happy to look at your CV for you (just remove any personal details before sending it), and even to assist with mock interviews (remotely) if that is something that you would find helpful.

With regards relationships, you are perfectly normal. Finding the right person can be extremely challenging, especially when you don't want to risk a close friendship. People are complicated, and it is often difficult to understand whether someone is interested in us or not. Your friend may be in the same position and not want to risk the friendship either.

I'm sure that it will all work out. You sound like you're giving yourself a bit of a hard time, when instead you should be proud of what you have already achieved.
(edited 1 month ago)
hey what is your insta i want to message you, i am in the same position

Quick Reply