.

Hello, sorry for the vague title I'm just didn't know what to write for it since its a bit complicated. This might be a bit long so heads up. *Please don't quote this in replies as I might delete later, thank you.*

Basically, I don't think I'm in love with my bf. I've felt this for a while. Initially we met an online app which means we were both looking for partners. Theses things usually don't go far for me. I can't keep conversations online for long but somehow I got emotionally invested and he was stubborn enough to stay despite my issues getting close.

We kept this all online for over a year. I was way too anxious and insecure to meet and my fear heightened the closer I got to him. At that time I genuinely felt like I couldve been or was in love. It was confusing but it was the closest I've ever felt to someone emotionally so we both said it to each other. At some point this scared me so I called it off and he still stayed while insisting he would just be my friend. So it was like half of me wanted that relationship because of the feelings I was getting and the other half was way too scared and wanted to push him away before it become deep.

Long story short, I eventually agreed to meet up which was incredibly anxiety inducing for me to the point that I threw up. I nearly called it off but I was already out (like planned) and wanted to get it over with to move past my fear. I met him and he looked different from his pictures. Not massively, it was the same person. The same person I face timed with too but he clearly used photos that were like 2-3 years older. Usually wouldn't make a big difference except the fact that his appearance changed quite a bit. Not to be shallow but he had more weight and long hair so definitely looked different. I don't condemn him for this or anything. I hate even mentioning this because it feels judgemental and icky (especially after how scared I was he wouldn't find me attractive) but it's relevant.

It wasn't just the unexpected appearance it was also seeing this person as an actually person and not the idolised version I made up in my head. And unfortunately, that was my fault for not meeting straight away. I just never expected it to go as far as it did as it usually doesn't. In hindsight, I'd never do that again. I'd meet someone before becoming emotionally invested in them and see if we were compatible as real human interactions are so nessisary for dating.

But this was the situation I was stuck with now and after reflecting for a few months I knew I wasn't in love. I friendzoned him for a while because deep down I knew this, yet he was still like my best friend so we didn't stop talking. He didn't stop expressing his feelings about me. And I admit I enjoyed the attention and feeling loved/appreciated as I never have felt this kind before. Thought I was clear that it wasn't going to process beyond flirtatious comments. Though after meeting a few more times through the months. I was interested in starting to date again, but I felt like I couldn't. As if I was almost cheating by doing that as at this point whenever I said we are friends he would be like "yeah suree" as if he definitely thought we weren't. Thus I felt like a cheater despite not being in a relationship.

No matter how clear I was about the friendship, he would stubbornly stay hoping I changed my mind. So I gave up and just said f*ck it one day. Told him I'll be his girlfriend because then when we enviably broke up it might get through his head finally. It's been a few months and we go on dates occasionally (as he lives far he has to visit every few months). And now he is happy to discuss moving in together and future plans like marriage.

I can't help but feel trapped in this. I desperately wish I was attracted to him but I cannot even bring myself to let him touch me. I crave mutual love and having a relationship with someone I can see a future with. I have so many fun dates and love to give and it just sucks how if I did any of my ideas I wouldn't enjoy it with someone I'm not into. I absolutely value his friendship and appreciate everything he has done for me. I'm 100% sure he will make a girl really happy. That's just isn't going to be me.

I know you will all say break up and stop dragging it along. Its just difficult right now after his birthday just passed, it's not too long away until Christmas, he's planning all these ideas, and admittedly I'm really scared of losing one closest friend. I don't really talk to my 2 friends that often so it will be really sad to lose someone I've been consistently close and talking to every day. The first person I'll tell good news to. I feel like I'll be really lonely after it happens but I know it's for the best if I ever want a proper relationship with someone again. The idea alone of ever getting close to someone like this again or having someone love me sounds other worldly to me.

This was mostly just a rant post. I don't expect anyone to know the perfect solution to this problem. If anyone has similar stories or advice, general opinions on the this then please share. Thank you so much for reading

Have you slept with him? I would just end things because you don't want to live this lie for any longer

Xxx

Have you slept with him? I would just end things because you don't want to live this lie for any longer

Please move on.

Yeah ngl its sad for him to think you still like him when u dont , rip the band aid off

You're being selfish.
Break up with him ASAP.

Hello, sorry for the vague title I'm just didn't know what to write for it since its a bit complicated. This might be a bit long so heads up. *Please don't quote this in replies as I might delete later, thank you.*

Basically, I don't think I'm in love with my bf. I've felt this for a while. Initially we met an online app which means we were both looking for partners. Theses things usually don't go far for me. I can't keep conversations online for long but somehow I got emotionally invested and he was stubborn enough to stay despite my issues getting close.

We kept this all online for over a year. I was way too anxious and insecure to meet and my fear heightened the closer I got to him. At that time I genuinely felt like I couldve been or was in love. It was confusing but it was the closest I've ever felt to someone emotionally so we both said it to each other. At some point this scared me so I called it off and he still stayed while insisting he would just be my friend. So it was like half of me wanted that relationship because of the feelings I was getting and the other half was way too scared and wanted to push him away before it become deep.

Long story short, I eventually agreed to meet up which was incredibly anxiety inducing for me to the point that I threw up. I nearly called it off but I was already out (like planned) and wanted to get it over with to move past my fear. I met him and he looked different from his pictures. Not massively, it was the same person. The same person I face timed with too but he clearly used photos that were like 2-3 years older. Usually wouldn't make a big difference except the fact that his appearance changed quite a bit. Not to be shallow but he had more weight and long hair so definitely looked different. I don't condemn him for this or anything. I hate even mentioning this because it feels judgemental and icky (especially after how scared I was he wouldn't find me attractive) but it's relevant.

It wasn't just the unexpected appearance it was also seeing this person as an actually person and not the idolised version I made up in my head. And unfortunately, that was my fault for not meeting straight away. I just never expected it to go as far as it did as it usually doesn't. In hindsight, I'd never do that again. I'd meet someone before becoming emotionally invested in them and see if we were compatible as real human interactions are so nessisary for dating.

But this was the situation I was stuck with now and after reflecting for a few months I knew I wasn't in love. I friendzoned him for a while because deep down I knew this, yet he was still like my best friend so we didn't stop talking. He didn't stop expressing his feelings about me. And I admit I enjoyed the attention and feeling loved/appreciated as I never have felt this kind before. Thought I was clear that it wasn't going to process beyond flirtatious comments. Though after meeting a few more times through the months. I was interested in starting to date again, but I felt like I couldn't. As if I was almost cheating by doing that as at this point whenever I said we are friends he would be like "yeah suree" as if he definitely thought we weren't. Thus I felt like a cheater despite not being in a relationship.

No matter how clear I was about the friendship, he would stubbornly stay hoping I changed my mind. So I gave up and just said f*ck it one day. Told him I'll be his girlfriend because then when we enviably broke up it might get through his head finally. It's been a few months and we go on dates occasionally (as he lives far he has to visit every few months). And now he is happy to discuss moving in together and future plans like marriage.

I can't help but feel trapped in this. I desperately wish I was attracted to him but I cannot even bring myself to let him touch me. I crave mutual loveand having a relationship with someone I can see a future with. I have so many fun dates and love to give and it just sucks how if I did any of my ideas I wouldn't enjoy it with someone I'm not into. I absolutely value his friendship and appreciate everything he has done for me. I'm 100% sure he will make a girl really happy. That's just isn't going to be me.

I know you will all say break up and stop dragging it along. Its just difficult right now after his birthday just passed, it's not too long away until Christmas, he's planning all these ideas, and admittedly I'm really scared of losing one closest friend. I don't really talk to my 2 friends that often so it will be really sad to lose someone I've been consistently close and talking to every day. The first person I'll tell good news to. I feel like I'll be really lonely after it happens but I know it's for the best if I ever want a proper relationship with someone again. The idea alone of ever getting close to someone like this again or having someone love me sounds other worldly to me.

This was mostly just a rant post. I don't expect anyone to know the perfect solution to this problem. If anyone has similar stories or advice, general opinions on the this then please share. Thank you so much for reading

I'm sorry you feel that way. I wouldn't label myself selfish as you don't know how much money or time I've invested in trying to make things work. I am planning on ending it as you can read in the last paragraph.

Hello, sorry for the vague title I'm just didn't know what to write for it since its a bit complicated. This might be a bit long so heads up. *Please don't quote this in replies as I might delete later, thank you.*

Basically, I don't think I'm in love with my bf. I've felt this for a while. Initially we met an online app which means we were both looking for partners. Theses things usually don't go far for me. I can't keep conversations online for long but somehow I got emotionally invested and he was stubborn enough to stay despite my issues getting close.

We kept this all online for over a year. I was way too anxious and insecure to meet and my fear heightened the closer I got to him. At that time I genuinely felt like I couldve been or was in love. It was confusing but it was the closest I've ever felt to someone emotionally so we both said it to each other. At some point this scared me so I called it off and he still stayed while insisting he would just be my friend. So it was like half of me wanted that relationship because of the feelings I was getting and the other half was way too scared and wanted to push him away before it become deep.

Long story short, I eventually agreed to meet up which was incredibly anxiety inducing for me to the point that I threw up. I nearly called it off but I was already out (like planned) and wanted to get it over with to move past my fear. I met him and he looked different from his pictures. Not massively, it was the same person. The same person I face timed with too but he clearly used photos that were like 2-3 years older. Usually wouldn't make a big difference except the fact that his appearance changed quite a bit. Not to be shallow but he had more weight and long hair so definitely looked different. I don't condemn him for this or anything. I hate even mentioning this because it feels judgemental and icky (especially after how scared I was he wouldn't find me attractive) but it's relevant.

It wasn't just the unexpected appearance it was also seeing this person as an actually person and not the idolised version I made up in my head. And unfortunately, that was my fault for not meeting straight away. I just never expected it to go as far as it did as it usually doesn't. In hindsight, I'd never do that again. I'd meet someone before becoming emotionally invested in them and see if we were compatible as real human interactions are so nessisary for dating.

But this was the situation I was stuck with now and after reflecting for a few months I knew I wasn't in love. I friendzoned him for a while because deep down I knew this, yet he was still like my best friend so we didn't stop talking. He didn't stop expressing his feelings about me. And I admit I enjoyed the attention and feeling loved/appreciated as I never have felt this kind before. Thought I was clear that it wasn't going to process beyond flirtatious comments. Though after meeting a few more times through the months. I was interested in starting to date again, but I felt like I couldn't. As if I was almost cheating by doing that as at this point whenever I said we are friends he would be like "yeah suree" as if he definitely thought we weren't. Thus I felt like a cheater despite not being in a relationship.

No matter how clear I was about the friendship, he would stubbornly stay hoping I changed my mind. So I gave up and just said f*ck it one day. Told him I'll be his girlfriend because then when we enviably broke up it might get through his head finally. It's been a few months and we go on dates occasionally (as he lives far he has to visit every few months). And now he is happy to discuss moving in together and future plans like marriage.

I can't help but feel trapped in this. I desperately wish I was attracted to him but I cannot even bring myself to let him touch me. I crave mutual love and having a relationship with someone I can see a future with. I have so many fun dates and love to give and it just sucks how if I did any of my ideas I wouldn't enjoy it with someone I'm not into. I absolutely value his friendship and appreciate everything he has done for me. I'm 100% sure he will make a girl really happy. That's just isn't going to be me.

I know you will all say break up and stop dragging it along. Its just difficult right now after his birthday just passed, it's not too long away until Christmas, he's planning all these ideas, and admittedly I'm really scared of losing one closest friend. I don't really talk to my 2 friends that often so it will be really sad to lose someone I've been consistently close and talking to every day. The first person I'll tell good news to. I feel like I'll be really lonely after it happens but I know it's for the best if I ever want a proper relationship with someone again. The idea alone of ever getting close to someone like this again or having someone love me sounds other worldly to me.

This was mostly just a rant post. I don't expect anyone to know the perfect solution to this problem. If anyone has similar stories or advice, general opinions on the this then please share. Thank you so much for reading

Hello, sorry for the vague title I'm just didn't know what to write for it since its a bit complicated. This might be a bit long so heads up. *Please don't quote this in replies as I might delete later, thank you.*

Basically, I don't think I'm in love with my bf. I've felt this for a while. Initially we met an online app which means we were both looking for partners. Theses things usually don't go far for me. I can't keep conversations online for long but somehow I got emotionally invested and he was stubborn enough to stay despite my issues getting close.

We kept this all online for over a year. I was way too anxious and insecure to meet and my fear heightened the closer I got to him. At that time I genuinely felt like I couldve been or was in love. It was confusing but it was the closest I've ever felt to someone emotionally so we both said it to each other. At some point this scared me so I called it off and he still stayed while insisting he would just be my friend. So it was like half of me wanted that relationship because of the feelings I was getting and the other half was way too scared and wanted to push him away before it become deep.

Long story short, I eventually agreed to meet up which was incredibly anxiety inducing for me to the point that I threw up. I nearly called it off but I was already out (like planned) and wanted to get it over with to move past my fear. I met him and he looked different from his pictures. Not massively, it was the same person. The same person I face timed with too but he clearly used photos that were like 2-3 years older. Usually wouldn't make a big difference except the fact that his appearance changed quite a bit. Not to be shallow but he had more weight and long hair so definitely looked different. I don't condemn him for this or anything. I hate even mentioning this because it feels judgemental and icky (especially after how scared I was he wouldn't find me attractive) but it's relevant.

It wasn't just the unexpected appearance it was also seeing this person as an actually person and not the idolised version I made up in my head. And unfortunately, that was my fault for not meeting straight away. I just never expected it to go as far as it did as it usually doesn't. In hindsight, I'd never do that again. I'd meet someone before becoming emotionally invested in them and see if we were compatible as real human interactions are so nessisary for dating.

But this was the situation I was stuck with now and after reflecting for a few months I knew I wasn't in love. I friendzoned him for a while because deep down I knew this, yet he was still like my best friend so we didn't stop talking. He didn't stop expressing his feelings about me. And I admit I enjoyed the attention and feeling loved/appreciated as I never have felt this kind before. Thought I was clear that it wasn't going to process beyond flirtatious comments. Though after meeting a few more times through the months. I was interested in starting to date again, but I felt like I couldn't. As if I was almost cheating by doing that as at this point whenever I said we are friends he would be like "yeah suree" as if he definitely thought we weren't. Thus I felt like a cheater despite not being in a relationship.

No matter how clear I was about the friendship, he would stubbornly stay hoping I changed my mind. So I gave up and just said f*ck it one day. Told him I'll be his girlfriend because then when we enviably broke up it might get through his head finally. It's been a few months and we go on dates occasionally (as he lives far he has to visit every few months). And now he is happy to discuss moving in together and future plans like marriage.

I can't help but feel trapped in this. I desperately wish I was attracted to him but I cannot even bring myself to let him touch me. I crave mutual love and having a relationship with someone I can see a future with. I have so many fun dates and love to give and it just sucks how if I did any of my ideas I wouldn't enjoy it with someone I'm not into. I absolutely value his friendship and appreciate everything he has done for me. I'm 100% sure he will make a girl really happy. That's just isn't going to be me.

I know you will all say break up and stop dragging it along. Its just difficult right now after his birthday just passed, it's not too long away until Christmas, he's planning all these ideas, and admittedly I'm really scared of losing one closest friend. I don't really talk to my 2 friends that often so it will be really sad to lose someone I've been consistently close and talking to every day. The first person I'll tell good news to. I feel like I'll be really lonely after it happens but I know it's for the best if I ever want a proper relationship with someone again. The idea alone of ever getting close to someone like this again or having someone love me sounds other worldly to me.

This was mostly just a rant post. I don't expect anyone to know the perfect solution to this problem. If anyone has similar stories or advice, general opinions on the this then please share. Thank you so much for reading

You might want to edit your post to remove the quote as per the thread starter's request.

I'm trying to figure out a way to end things that aren't just out of the blue. I am trying to move forward. Could you please remove your quote, thank you.

Hello, sorry for the vague title I'm just didn't know what to write for it since its a bit complicated. This might be a bit long so heads up. *Please don't quote this in replies as I might delete later, thank you.*

Basically, I don't think I'm in love with my bf. I've felt this for a while. Initially we met an online app which means we were both looking for partners. Theses things usually don't go far for me. I can't keep conversations online for long but somehow I got emotionally invested and he was stubborn enough to stay despite my issues getting close.

We kept this all online for over a year. I was way too anxious and insecure to meet and my fear heightened the closer I got to him. At that time I genuinely felt like I couldve been or was in love. It was confusing but it was the closest I've ever felt to someone emotionally so we both said it to each other. At some point this scared me so I called it off and he still stayed while insisting he would just be my friend. So it was like half of me wanted that relationship because of the feelings I was getting and the other half was way too scared and wanted to push him away before it become deep.

Long story short, I eventually agreed to meet up which was incredibly anxiety inducing for me to the point that I threw up. I nearly called it off but I was already out (like planned) and wanted to get it over with to move past my fear. I met him and he looked different from his pictures. Not massively, it was the same person. The same person I face timed with too but he clearly used photos that were like 2-3 years older. Usually wouldn't make a big difference except the fact that his appearance changed quite a bit. Not to be shallow but he had more weight and long hair so definitely looked different. I don't condemn him for this or anything. I hate even mentioning this because it feels judgemental and icky (especially after how scared I was he wouldn't find me attractive) but it's relevant.

It wasn't just the unexpected appearance it was also seeing this person as an actually person and not the idolised version I made up in my head. And unfortunately, that was my fault for not meeting straight away. I just never expected it to go as far as it did as it usually doesn't. In hindsight, I'd never do that again. I'd meet someone before becoming emotionally invested in them and see if we were compatible as real human interactions are so nessisary for dating.

But this was the situation I was stuck with now and after reflecting for a few months I knew I wasn't in love. I friendzoned him for a while because deep down I knew this, yet he was still like my best friend so we didn't stop talking. He didn't stop expressing his feelings about me. And I admit I enjoyed the attention and feeling loved/appreciated as I never have felt this kind before. Thought I was clear that it wasn't going to process beyond flirtatious comments. Though after meeting a few more times through the months. I was interested in starting to date again, but I felt like I couldn't. As if I was almost cheating by doing that as at this point whenever I said we are friends he would be like "yeah suree" as if he definitely thought we weren't. Thus I felt like a cheater despite not being in a relationship.

No matter how clear I was about the friendship, he would stubbornly stay hoping I changed my mind. So I gave up and just said f*ck it one day. Told him I'll be his girlfriend because then when we enviably broke up it might get through his head finally. It's been a few months and we go on dates occasionally (as he lives far he has to visit every few months). And now he is happy to discuss moving in together and future plans like marriage.

I can't help but feel trapped in this. I desperately wish I was attracted to him but I cannot even bring myself to let him touch me. I crave mutual love and having a relationship with someone I can see a future with. I have so many fun dates and love to give and it just sucks how if I did any of my ideas I wouldn't enjoy it with someone I'm not into. I absolutely value his friendship and appreciate everything he has done for me. I'm 100% sure he will make a girl really happy. That's just isn't going to be me.

I know you will all say break up and stop dragging it along. Its just difficult right now after his birthday just passed, it's not too long away until Christmas, he's planning all these ideas, and admittedly I'm really scared of losing one closest friend. I don't really talk to my 2 friends that often so it will be really sad to lose someone I've been consistently close and talking to every day. The first person I'll tell good news to. I feel like I'll be really lonely after it happens but I know it's for the best if I ever want a proper relationship with someone again. The idea alone of ever getting close to someone like this again or having someone love me sounds other worldly to me.

This was mostly just a rant post. I don't expect anyone to know the perfect solution to this problem. If anyone has similar stories or advice, general opinions on the this then please share. Thank you so much for reading

You might want to edit your post to remove the quote as per the thread starter's request.

I don't know how to do that

I can see you've put a lot of thought into this and its not like your meaning to drag this out. Your feelings and whole process of it is stressful and you feel like you cant catch up with anything thats happening around you. Please remember that you can find a different friend, he's not the only guy out there and by dragging it out even more, ur only going to hurt both of you guys even more. I would advise you to break up with him before Christmas so you dont feel bad for anything he's done or implied.
To be quite frank, you have to rip off the bandaid. like rip it off. Trying to find the perfcet time wont really work and if it did, it would take ages, especially as you've known him for ages. waiting will just make things more tense for you.
My friend had something similar to this and i kept telling her to end it as soon as possible but she didnt and the more time that went past, the more she was worried and more far in.

Just remember that you're not a bad person or a bad friend for doing this, ur saving urself and him, if you establish your feelings towards him, he might understand and still want to be your friend.