Feel sad with my life

I feel really sad atm, I dropped out of uni after a year. I really miss seeing friends and going out all of the time. I don’t miss uni/ my course at all though.

I have friends but they’re all spread out across the country, I speak to them normally once a month and sometimes visit them. I realised I’m someone who needs to see friends often, I really enjoyed living with my friends at uni. I feel lonely with just family 24/7 I love them but they’re all older than me and I miss having conversations about cultural things people my age like.

I have a job and enjoy going there as it gives me a sense of purpose, my days when I’m at work boost my mood. I feel very unproductive and lazy with nothing to do at home. I might apply to unis again but I honestly like working more rn. I found uni work uninteresting and dull. I thought about moving to a city and just getting a job but I worry it’d be a mistake.

Does anyone have advice for an unmotivated 20 year old?

Thanks

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I wouldn't say I'm the best person to advise on this. However, I might be able to offer some insight.

I really miss seeing friends and going out all of the time. I don’t miss uni/ my course at all though.
It's normal to miss your friends, but it's not the end of the world if you don't see them for a few months. If you want to get back in touch with them you can do (assuming they're your true friends). Make sure you keep contact with those who you want to keep in your long term social circle - old friends are valuable.
If you don't miss uni or your course, then it's a sign that you picked the wrong course/subject/uni. If you do decide to go back to uni, make sure it's a course that you actually want to do and there's a strong reason for you to do the course. Incomplete courses appear as red flags to universities during the application process.

I have friends but they’re all spread out across the country, I speak to them normally once a month and sometimes visit them.
It's a similar case with me. Keep in contact with them. I have friends who I visit once a year due to the distance.

I realised I’m someone who needs to see friends often, I really enjoyed living with my friends at uni.
They refer to people who require social contact "social butterflies". It's a personality type and the sort of people who need a lot of social contact. Your social connection is important to you.
I would try to make new friends where possible. Make sure these are the sort of people who you want to be friends with (not everyone should be).
New friends are great, but they say old friends are even better. Make sure you have a good mix in your social circle.

I have a job and enjoy going there as it gives me a sense of purpose, my days when I’m at work boost my mood.
Picking the right job is always a mood booster. Picking the wrong job would drain you like crazy. If you found something that gives you a sense of purpose, then it's a good sign that you picked the right sort of job.

I feel very unproductive and lazy with nothing to do at home
Could this be the environment as opposed to the home itself? If so, think about what you can do at home that's productive and would invigorate you.
The home should also be a place where you can relax, be yourself, and not have to think about work though. I wouldn't make it a place where you have to switched on during your downtime.

I might apply to unis again but I honestly like working more rn.
Have you consider doing degree apprenticeships then? Recognised professional qualifications equivalant to NVQ Levl 6 is also acceptable, if you don't intend to go into academia or teaching.
If the line of work that you thought about doing does not strictly require you to do an academic degree, then it's not a strict requirement. As I have no clue what line of work you want to do or the sort of careers that you have in mind, I don't know what to advise.
If you want to do an academic degree, you would need to be interested in your subject (ideally passionate about it). A lot of people can lose interest in their degree by the time they reach their second year. Those who perservere and do well tend to be those who like their subject despite the hard work they need to do.

I thought about moving to a city and just getting a job but I worry it’d be a mistake.
The thing that jumps out to me regarding this is the finance. Whilst there are more jobs available, they also move very quick relative to other areas of the country (it's similar in other countries as far as I know). Cities are not cheap usually (especially London, where it costs an arm and a leg), and you usually get a lot less relative to what you can get outside of the city for the same price.
The sort of pointers that I would give include:

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If you don't have any contacts in the city, do a lot of networking first

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If you don't have any family or friends in the city, you might have a harder time than most

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Make sure you have savings for 3 months' living expenses (the biggest one should be rent, and that should always be the case unless you're an out of control spender)

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Pack light and keep it light - expect to have minimal space, and if you can't fit everything you need in 2 suitcases you're packing too much

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If you are low on money, move out of the city. I have seen too many people live on the streets because they decide not to move out of the city.

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Expect people in the city to be initially colder than people outside of the city - if you read stories of the city mouse vs country mouse, you would know what I mean

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It's difficult to save money whilst living in the city due to high living costs; if you want to buy a house, you have better chances outside of the city

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Living in the city is usually temporary; if you want to settle down, it's usually better outside of the city

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Higher pay in the city is usually for good reason, and it's usually not because they like you more

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Higher pay usually require more contribution - you are supposed to get what you paid for

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Try to live within 30 minutes of where you work - ideally 30 minutes' walk, but bike ride, bus trip, train journey, car journey also applicable

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If you live in London and you intend to take the underground to work, you want to look at the humber of stops as oppose to the distance; sometimes the number of stops is a bigger factor to how long the journey takes than the distance

The other life advice that I have include:

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If you intend to have a family at some point, you want to date in your 20s and not to be so absorbed in your career

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Most people tend to settle during their 20s

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If you intend to do a degree, then you need to factor that in with your other commitments and life goals

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Make sure you know what you want and whether it's a good decision before going in

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Experiment should you wish, but make sure it incurs minimal costs

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It's not that difficult to network and you can sometimes find people who you would otherwise not meet through conventional means; we're a lot closer than you think

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To look at your life goals, look at what values you have, what drives you, and what you can see yourself doing; then check it with the people who have done the same thing that you want to do

Reply 2

IntelligentB3ing

Don't be so down on yourself about your life and lifestyle, don't be afraid to get back out there, it is NOT the end of the world, you don't have to be so down about missing your friends, be open to new experiences and create unique experiences with unique people. You can ALWAYS pick yourself back up, NOTHing is permanent. If you're unsatisfied, do something new that scares you each day. Motivate yourself first by waking up and being proud of yourself because of it. Learn to enjoy your own company and live life without those overbearing expectations. SMILE. LAUGH. LOOK. OBSERVE. SEE. FEEL. Once you take a second out of your life, you'll feel so much better. Everything is purposeful, maybe you are meant to lead in a different direction. Love everyone from a distance but love yourself just a bit more, real friends reach out not branch out, please don't consume yourself worrying about whether someone's worrying about you. Create a life where you don't have to do that,you don't go out anymore? Go out, if nothing's stopping you, why are you stopping yourself? You are here. You have to look at that lovely face and say that you're gonna change that. You must change that. The secret to being satisfied in life is to live. Not like a zombie. Not like your friends. But LIVE. LOVE your life for what it is, not wishing what it can be, don't wish, make it reality. MANIFEST YOUr dream, things aren't always what they seem.