I don't know if this makes me a bad person. At this point I don't really care, as the problem is tearing me apart more than it is to my outward moral figure. My issue is one which has grown from a thorn in my side to a vile weed which has ensnared my entire likeness in its ugly grasp. I used to be able to ignore these impulsive urges to just deceive and lie to those I love, but as I've grown it has become more of a daily struggle. The real issue started when I started spending time with new friends. Whenever I talk about myself I get this compulsive urge I can't ignore to lie- and sometimes when they leave my mouth it doesn't really feel like me talking. This continued for a while. I would say I tried to stop it, but in truth i really didn't. I let this spiral out of control, and now I can't be honest about anything. It's a feedback loop which grows out of control like a rampant cancer. The more I lie, the easier it becomes to lie, and the more I lie. It's become less of a social issue at this point, and more of a problem for my own identity. I don't know who I am anymore. I've buried myself under so many different "masks" of fake identities that I don't know what I actually am like anymore. I go to a counselor, but no surprise, I've spent the last 9 months lying to her too. Our sessions are pointless because I lie about my issues, which seems like something I could fix myself but I just... can't. no matter what I do. This has been something tearing my identity apart for a couple years now and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I know I need help. I just don't know how to do it.