Would like advice

Hello, I am 18 years old and I feel as though I've gotten nowhere with my life and I really struggle with so many different things to the point I feel utterly useless and incapable of many things..

I finished school with decent grades passing all but maths (grade 3) the others ranged from 4-6, I left school and went into college doing health and social care level 3. Unfortunately during this time I was having an extremely hard time outside of college eg living on my own at 16 with an awful relationship with my family and I was experiencing a toxic and abusive relationship. I took up smoking marijuana when I was taking my GCSE, I find it very hard to stop as it calms my racing thoughts. Anyway, back to college, my attendance was around 45% as I was hardly ever leaving where I lived and ended up being expelled for having marijuana on my person while in college. This was completely my own fault, however this sent me into a spiral. I got fired from my catering job for having 8 days off in 6 months. After this I had no form of education or work in place for around 6 months and the smoking only increased and me and my boyfriend at the time were so on and off and my mental health was in the gutter,

Content warning: Mention of previous self harm

I would have manic episodes where the support acom staff of where i lived had to kick down my door and phone police/ambulance.

After the six months my parents and I decided it was best if I moved back into the family home as I was suffering so intensly with my mental health. Our relationship has since improved greatly and my mental health has gotten slightly better however it's still pretty bad. I now have an apprenticeship in childcare as it's something I'm passionate about.

I love working with the children however I just constantly feel like I'm not good enough at what I do despite being told otherwise, my biggest concern is my apprenticeship is going terribly, I struggled to do voice recorded assignments as my anxiety is crazy, I would just begin balling my eyes out and saying my sentences backwards and I just couldn't do it. My assessor then changed my assignment style to written yet over the past year or two I've been struggling to process any information, I could read something over and over and my brain won't process it - if it does, I forget within hours. I can't recite what i've written even though it's all information I've researched and written. I struggle to read without the words flying all over the show. I got a grade 6 in english language and a 5 in english literature, I don't remember ever being this bad at reading, writing, remembering and processing information. It's become a real hurdle in everything I do. I can't get my assignments done, I am so far behind and everytime I try to do some work I just cry and get stressed out.

My memory and everything else i've mentioned not only affects my work and apprenticeship but my everyday life, for example I couldnt recite yesterday to somebody if they asked. I'd have to really think about it and then i'd still miss out big parts of what happened in the day.

I really want to be successful and I have such big goals for myself but these things are really getting in the way and I feel like I'll never complete this apprenticeship. All my friends are 18+ and have their level 2 from college and working on level 3 and attending uni next year. I feel useless and so behind.