How to get rid of social anxiety
Im not diagnosed but im pretty sure i have social anxiety
i overthink everything i do, i worry about stupid **** like how i come across to strangers, i avoid eye contact, i feel like everyone judges me, im a chronic people pleaser and i have really bad self worth issues. Theres probably more but i canf think of them atm
Worst part is i know its all irrational and i shouldnt care what people think, i try to remind myself of that every time i go out and even while in social situations but i just cant. I end up panicing and just going on auto pilot. Most ‘conversations’ i have with new people are introducing myself, them introducing themself and saying something, me panicing, saying either ‘yeah’ or laughing nervously and thats it.
I do have ideas of what to say sometimes but then i overthink and end up not saying it in fear of coming off as weird.
Its not even just with strangers i do this with family and friends too. I’ve been actively forcing myself to go out snd practice for months but im not seeing any results so far it just feels like something in me’s broken and idk if i can fix it
i overthink everything i do, i worry about stupid **** like how i come across to strangers, i avoid eye contact, i feel like everyone judges me, im a chronic people pleaser and i have really bad self worth issues. Theres probably more but i canf think of them atm
Worst part is i know its all irrational and i shouldnt care what people think, i try to remind myself of that every time i go out and even while in social situations but i just cant. I end up panicing and just going on auto pilot. Most ‘conversations’ i have with new people are introducing myself, them introducing themself and saying something, me panicing, saying either ‘yeah’ or laughing nervously and thats it.
I do have ideas of what to say sometimes but then i overthink and end up not saying it in fear of coming off as weird.
Its not even just with strangers i do this with family and friends too. I’ve been actively forcing myself to go out snd practice for months but im not seeing any results so far it just feels like something in me’s broken and idk if i can fix it
Just remember that what ever you're going through, the stranger you're talking to is probably going through exactly the same thing as you are as you're a stranger to them too.
Personally I just skip over the awkwardness and get to the good part 😁
Personally I just skip over the awkwardness and get to the good part 😁
yeah, im also not diagnosed but im fairly sure that i have social anxiety just like you. what you described in your post relates to me on so many levels
i guess what helps me tackle it a little bit is to immediately distract myself with something else (e.g. listening to music or looking at surroundings) after ive finished talking with someone, so that i dont really have a chance to overthink it and just immediately move on from the conversation.
i also used to find those 'awkward' silences when talking with people really uncomfortable, but now i like to think of them instead as a subtle break in the conversation, where you are simply appreciating the other person's company and not overthinking/stressing about not having anything to say. no one expects you to constantly have stuff to talk about all the time. imo i feel like if you can learn to be comfortable with the silent parts of the conversation then social anxiety would be much easier to deal with
people also say that therapy is really good for treating social anxiety but i think its more of a last resort in case everything else doesnt work
i guess what helps me tackle it a little bit is to immediately distract myself with something else (e.g. listening to music or looking at surroundings) after ive finished talking with someone, so that i dont really have a chance to overthink it and just immediately move on from the conversation.
i also used to find those 'awkward' silences when talking with people really uncomfortable, but now i like to think of them instead as a subtle break in the conversation, where you are simply appreciating the other person's company and not overthinking/stressing about not having anything to say. no one expects you to constantly have stuff to talk about all the time. imo i feel like if you can learn to be comfortable with the silent parts of the conversation then social anxiety would be much easier to deal with
people also say that therapy is really good for treating social anxiety but i think its more of a last resort in case everything else doesnt work
Obviously, the best thing to do would be to have therapy to guide you through this. If you are not keen on that or aren’t able to access therapy, there are pretty good self-help guides out there, e.g. this one on the NHS inform website
Ultimately, it is a case of forcing yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable - forcing yourself to meet new people, making small talk with the cashier in the supermarket, forcing yourself to make phonecalls instead of asking your family to do it for you etc. It will get easier the more you do it - you may never be the most social person and extraverted person in the world, but it is possible to become more comfortable with social situations through exposure. I had severe social anxiety with a period of selective mutism when I was younger; I now have a job that is centred around communicating with people and I get frequent positive feedback about my communication skills.
Good luck.
Ultimately, it is a case of forcing yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable - forcing yourself to meet new people, making small talk with the cashier in the supermarket, forcing yourself to make phonecalls instead of asking your family to do it for you etc. It will get easier the more you do it - you may never be the most social person and extraverted person in the world, but it is possible to become more comfortable with social situations through exposure. I had severe social anxiety with a period of selective mutism when I was younger; I now have a job that is centred around communicating with people and I get frequent positive feedback about my communication skills.
Good luck.
(edited 1 year ago)
Original post by Anonymous #1
Im not diagnosed but im pretty sure i have social anxiety
i overthink everything i do, i worry about stupid **** like how i come across to strangers, i avoid eye contact, i feel like everyone judges me, im a chronic people pleaser and i have really bad self worth issues. Theres probably more but i canf think of them atm
Worst part is i know its all irrational and i shouldnt care what people think, i try to remind myself of that every time i go out and even while in social situations but i just cant. I end up panicing and just going on auto pilot. Most ‘conversations’ i have with new people are introducing myself, them introducing themself and saying something, me panicing, saying either ‘yeah’ or laughing nervously and thats it.
I do have ideas of what to say sometimes but then i overthink and end up not saying it in fear of coming off as weird.
Its not even just with strangers i do this with family and friends too. I’ve been actively forcing myself to go out snd practice for months but im not seeing any results so far it just feels like something in me’s broken and idk if i can fix it
i overthink everything i do, i worry about stupid **** like how i come across to strangers, i avoid eye contact, i feel like everyone judges me, im a chronic people pleaser and i have really bad self worth issues. Theres probably more but i canf think of them atm
Worst part is i know its all irrational and i shouldnt care what people think, i try to remind myself of that every time i go out and even while in social situations but i just cant. I end up panicing and just going on auto pilot. Most ‘conversations’ i have with new people are introducing myself, them introducing themself and saying something, me panicing, saying either ‘yeah’ or laughing nervously and thats it.
I do have ideas of what to say sometimes but then i overthink and end up not saying it in fear of coming off as weird.
Its not even just with strangers i do this with family and friends too. I’ve been actively forcing myself to go out snd practice for months but im not seeing any results so far it just feels like something in me’s broken and idk if i can fix it
Social skills:
Be open, relaxed, approachable, friendly, lighten up
0) You can try nlp exercises, meditation, breathing techniques, visualisation. You can read books on this subject and there is a wealth of resources on the internet, youtube regarding this subject.
1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?
2) Smile, smiling in contagious.
3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, you have got as much right as everyone else.
Think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.
Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.
4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.
5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?
6) Ask how they are, how's everything, how's it going, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, their day, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening. You could read up on current affairs.
Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,
Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".
If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.
7) Be passionate about life.
8) In group discussions, relax and talk to someone close or if someone says something you know, you can talk then. Stay relaxed.
9) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.
10) You can write things down and come up with a rational reframed response, keep a journal of your thoughts, reach out to people slowly
Original post by Anonymous #1
Im not diagnosed but im pretty sure i have social anxiety
i overthink everything i do, i worry about stupid **** like how i come across to strangers, i avoid eye contact, i feel like everyone judges me, im a chronic people pleaser and i have really bad self worth issues. Theres probably more but i canf think of them atm
Worst part is i know its all irrational and i shouldnt care what people think, i try to remind myself of that every time i go out and even while in social situations but i just cant. I end up panicing and just going on auto pilot. Most ‘conversations’ i have with new people are introducing myself, them introducing themself and saying something, me panicing, saying either ‘yeah’ or laughing nervously and thats it.
I do have ideas of what to say sometimes but then i overthink and end up not saying it in fear of coming off as weird.
Its not even just with strangers i do this with family and friends too. I’ve been actively forcing myself to go out snd practice for months but im not seeing any results so far it just feels like something in me’s broken and idk if i can fix it
i overthink everything i do, i worry about stupid **** like how i come across to strangers, i avoid eye contact, i feel like everyone judges me, im a chronic people pleaser and i have really bad self worth issues. Theres probably more but i canf think of them atm
Worst part is i know its all irrational and i shouldnt care what people think, i try to remind myself of that every time i go out and even while in social situations but i just cant. I end up panicing and just going on auto pilot. Most ‘conversations’ i have with new people are introducing myself, them introducing themself and saying something, me panicing, saying either ‘yeah’ or laughing nervously and thats it.
I do have ideas of what to say sometimes but then i overthink and end up not saying it in fear of coming off as weird.
Its not even just with strangers i do this with family and friends too. I’ve been actively forcing myself to go out snd practice for months but im not seeing any results so far it just feels like something in me’s broken and idk if i can fix it
I can totally relate with your post, I don't know if I will be able to give you an useful answer as I myself have been battling social anxiety for as long as I can remember. If you're wondering if it gets better, it certainly does. I think I will always have social anxiety to a certain extent and it will always be apart of me, however I am now learning to manage it and not let it take over my life. In the past 3 months I have achieved a few small victories such as being able to pay for items in a supermarket at the till and interact with cashiers, which a few months ago I wouldn't have been able to do as I would've been scared about what they may think of me as I am quite socially awkward, however I have learned that what others think of you does not matter, but what matters most is what you think of yourself. I do still find it very difficult to interact with new people and talking in groups, but all I can do is just continue developing my social skills little by little, I would suggest talking to 1 new person every day, even if it's just a "hello" that's still progress!
I think it's always worth remembering that other people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you are thinking about you! They've got all their own stuff going on inside their heads. Also maybe you're an introvert and trying to make yourself more extrovert is just going to make you miserable. I know we live in a world designed for extroverts so you have to do a bit to fit in, but beyond that maybe just accept that you're an introvert and that there's nothing wrong with that - even if the extrovert majority try to convince you that there is. Once you start accepting that you're an introvert and that that's great - I bet you're a great listener for a start - then hopefully your self esteem with improve too. Start liking you for you.
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