I’ve had numbness since 10 and now have to fill in stuff for college and sixth form

8.5 was my highest for the PPES in November. I always had poor mental health and tried ending my life in the summer of year 9, year 10 I had 60 percent attendance due to various factors like being stuck in another country and isolation due to my younger brother having to go to the hospital and living with my aunt in those times. I feel woefully unprepared, and academically I barely scraped the results from even last year. I cried so much preparing and during the exams, I know crying doesn’t solve anything, but it’s just so hard. I don’t want to do anything in life, I know that isn’t how it works and definitely won’t be how it plays out, but I just feel so empty putting the results in. Id like to do Art but god knows that isn’t a good career path, Im working class anyways. Does anyone have any tips or reconciliation? I don’t really have that much friends at school, and the those I do I just do constant lip service towards, it would just be extremely uncomfortable for everyone if I told anyone about how I feel. I’ve been in and out of counselling. It’s just so scary, I don’t even know what to do in life. For the moment I’m just filling out things that are closest to me and will fit the description, but I already feel like I ruined my life at 15.