Personal Statement:Medicine 10

Comments

General Comments:

In all, the personal statement is a good basis to improve on. There is good work experience, voluntary work, extra curricular activities and academic achievements, which are sure to impress admissions tutors. However, it feel like the applicant is trying too hard to 'tick boxes' by listing things they have done - an approach which isn't necessary and doesn't help the flow of the statement. REFLECTION is an important part of the course: knowing what you need to improve and how, so it is important to demonstrate that the applicant can reflect on their experiences in order to improve the PS and impress admissions tutors. Also, it’s important to be careful of over-using capital letters.

Comments on the statement:

Medicine combines the practical application of the sciences, the need for lifelong learning and close interaction with people, aptitudes that I have and want to use. Whilst these are positive phrases to describe medicine, I feel that the last bit about 'having /wanting to use the aptitudes' doesn't flow well. The applicant could instead say that it is these reasons that draws them to the career choice for example. The responsibilities of a doctor attract me. I have tried to experience as many aspects of medicine as possible. These two sentences feel too short and don't flow well - the first could be included into the opening sentence and the second could be scrapped altogether - the applicant has demonstrated their work experience in the next part of their personal statement. Shadowing a senior registrar in oncology This should be small letters seeing post-operative patients at the Royal Free Hospital London and time in the medical physics As should this department of East Dulwich Hospital showed me different views of hospital work. Using hospital names is somewhat unnecessary and makes this section of the personal statement seem more like a list. Saying something like 'in different areas of the country' implies more than one hospital was visited. Using the words saved in order to perhaps highlight an interesting experience, or discuss more about what the applicant gained from the experience would be more useful here. Two days Two days isn't really impressive, so I would omit this bit! with the paediatric ENT specialist at St Helier Hospital made me realise the difficulties encountered and skills required in dealing with children. The applicant could use 'communication' here, a key word which admissions tutors like! Visits to the haemodialysis and cardiology departments during a week's course for prospective medical students at the Royal Berkshire Hospital particularly interested me. Why? This is the most important question to answer in a PS The three months voluntary work I did at the Berkshire Independent Hospital, talking to patients and assisting with administration, started me thinking about how a hospital is run A word at the beginning of this sentence, such as 'Undertaking three months...' would make this bit flow a little easier. The talking to patients bit of this sentence is perhaps the bit which the admissions tutors would like to see, and the applicant should expand this in addition to, or in preference of the extra comment about learning about how a hospital is run. Improving communication skills and seeing things from a patient’s point of view are two positive skills which could be gained from talking to patients.

At present, this is a very long introductory paragraph. It would be far better to briefly introduce why you want to do medicine/be a doctor, before starting a separate paragraph describing and reflecting on work experience. When describing the experience, it is important to reflect on the experience: talk about what skills/qualities are required in order to be a good doctor, and explain why. Also, the number of experiences aren't important, what's important is what you gain from it. Admissions tutors know that it can be difficult to get experience, so as long as you've got some, that's the main thing!

Attending the Medlink course confirmed my conviction that I want to be a doctor Referring to 'a career in medicine' rather than 'being a doctor' would be a better approach here – don’t use dashes like this, as it’s too informal for a PS I found the problem-solving aspect of diagnosis incredibly satisfying. All the lectures from different doctors on the areas they worked in gave me a perspective of the medical career structure and the different specialities needed

Medlink and other medicine conferences aren’t really the best things to mention in a PS, as they don’t give you a real feel for what it’s like to be a doctor. What would be far better, is to use the space to expand on the work experience, as mentioned above.

I have thoroughly enjoyed the voluntary work that I have done as it allows me to meet and work with a wide range of people. I don’t start two sentences in a row with ‘I’, as it doesn’t flow well started by visiting an old people's home for six months and am now working at the Berkshire Multiple Sclerosis Centre where I assist with a physiotherapy class. I have found this particularly rewarding and my individual support and help with specific exercises allows more people to take part effectively. It has also helped me to appreciate that not all illnesses can be cured and that sometimes all that can be done is to improve the quality of life as much as possible This paragraph could be improved by mentioning skills you gained/improved through this experience. Link it back to the ones that doctors need, to try and prove your suitability for the course.

Performing music has been an important part of my life for the last six write numbers out in full years; it has helped me develop teamwork, concentration and perseverance. The applicant could add here that these are skills important for a career in medicine or that they will find these skills invaluable at medical school (if not already mentioned in previous paragraphs – you only need one example for each skill) I am now principal French horn in the Berkshire Youth Orchestra; in 2002 we toured Italy and France including La Madeleine Summer Concerts in Paris. I have toured Ireland with the Central Berkshire Concert Band in which I am also first horn. I play solo tenor horn in Holst Brass Band; we will be touring Germany in 2003 This feels like a list of tours which doesn't add much to the paragraph - the applicant could improve this by saying that they have toured abroad as part of x,y,z county bands they are involved with. I hope to carry on playing at university to a high standard The 'high standard' bit sounds a bit arrogant. A better approach would be to say that they hope to continue for reasons like enjoyment, stress relief or wanting to continue improving their skills.

My other main interest is the Air Training Corps, which I have belonged to for four years. I have taken several leadership courses and proficiency exams and am now the senior cadet in my unit. I am responsible for teaching younger cadets and organising events; this has developed my communication and problem solving skills. I regularly attend survival camps, hikes, problem-solving exercises and Duke of Edinburgh Award training. I again, starting two sentences in a row with ‘I’ means that it doesn’t flow well have completed an RAF gliding scholarship by flying solo and am building up my light aircraft flying experience. This is really impressive but I feel the applicant needs to add a reason why they do it - enjoyment presumably! However, if space is short then this paragraph could be shortened or even removed, if skills can be demonstrated elsewhere.

ATC has given me the opportunity to develop my physical and mental stamina This belongs as part of the previous paragraph as opposed to a sentence on its own. As a last sentence it needs an additional word such as 'The ATC has also...'.

I have extended my interest in science outside the school curriculum: Swapping this to 'Outside the school curriculum, I have...' would make this flow better I think I was chosen to attend mathematics master classes at the University of Reading, make sure if you’re mentioning a university by name that you name it correctly! Most like ‘University of…’. However, it’s not important to mention it at all really achieved silver in a Physics Olympiad, represented my school at a Salter's Chemistry Week at the University of Birmingham and won a Foster Wheeler Engineering competition As this paragraph is so different from the last, it would work better before the discussion of extra curricular activities (before ATC and before the performing music paragraph) I also feel that this sounds a little arrogant, and could be 'toned down' by the applicant adding that they were really pleased / proud / they worked hard for it etc, or mentioning what they got out of it.

By nature I am a determined individual and have achieved my goals. This doesn’t really add anything – the admissions tutors won’t know what your goals are (they could be really simple ones, for example), and one at least has yet to be fulfilled – getting into medical school! For example, I studied Mathematics AS at home as I wanted to continue with five subjects. My ability to manage my time efficiently and work independently has enabled me to take part in a wide range of activities, in and out of school. This is really good and demonstrates a lot of skills that admissions tutors would like to see I am confident that I would make a good doctor. I'm not keen on this as a concluding sentence - something along the lines of 'I hope to build upon my skills at medical school...' and adding a positive ending would be better here. Also, nothing new should be mentioned in the concluding paragraph. It should simply sum up why you want to be a doctor and why you are a good candidate for the course.