Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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Original post by TotoMimo
Thank you so much, LoveGeneration, for your beautiful compliment and words of advice.
Squiff, I just want to say that although it's too difficult to post here regularly, the fact you're still around and able to check in once in a while is enough for me to be assured of your wellbeing. I know you're having a tough time of it and this is difficult, you're practically retraining your mind to allow your behaviours to run in reverse - but it will be worth it.
Kebbabi, Custard, Diamond - You three have come on probably the most in the past week or so based on what you post. I mean, everyone here has, it seems, gained at least some form of positive encouragement from their posting here; but you three really seem to have changed the way you think about recovery, your disorders, and how to combat them. In mere months you've come from a deathly view of a crippling illness to a positive outlook and even taken real, physical action against it!
If you had the flu, you'd take a lemsip. If you broke your leg, you'd put it in a cast. If you have anorexia... you need to re-nourish your body! Logically, it's so simple, but breaking the mental barriers to ALLOW one's self to do it is an entirely different beast and the fact you're DOING it is like you've already overcome the greatest obstacle - the rest of the incline to the plateau of victory is nowhere near as steep.
XXX
Squiff, I just want to say that although it's too difficult to post here regularly, the fact you're still around and able to check in once in a while is enough for me to be assured of your wellbeing. I know you're having a tough time of it and this is difficult, you're practically retraining your mind to allow your behaviours to run in reverse - but it will be worth it.
Kebbabi, Custard, Diamond - You three have come on probably the most in the past week or so based on what you post. I mean, everyone here has, it seems, gained at least some form of positive encouragement from their posting here; but you three really seem to have changed the way you think about recovery, your disorders, and how to combat them. In mere months you've come from a deathly view of a crippling illness to a positive outlook and even taken real, physical action against it!
If you had the flu, you'd take a lemsip. If you broke your leg, you'd put it in a cast. If you have anorexia... you need to re-nourish your body! Logically, it's so simple, but breaking the mental barriers to ALLOW one's self to do it is an entirely different beast and the fact you're DOING it is like you've already overcome the greatest obstacle - the rest of the incline to the plateau of victory is nowhere near as steep.
XXX
Thanks Toto, that means a lot.
Original post by squiff93
thanks 
i'll post when i can or when i feel that stuffs improving cz i do feel its unfair for me to post here as i am atm.
i think i'm starting to realise that quitting the weekly therapy and the phonecalls everyother day was stupid - it was better to take a bit of time out to talk to someone about how i felt regularly than bottling it up and carrying on like this. i can't change my mind or behaviours on my own and this is my problem
xxx
i'll post when i can or when i feel that stuffs improving cz i do feel its unfair for me to post here as i am atm. i think i'm starting to realise that quitting the weekly therapy and the phonecalls everyother day was stupid - it was better to take a bit of time out to talk to someone about how i felt regularly than bottling it up and carrying on like this. i can't change my mind or behaviours on my own and this is my problem
xxx
Original post by Liv1204
I am struggling a lot at the moment.
I think I'm starting to fall back into using this to avoid dealing with everything. But I don't know if I can talk to anyone about it (I am getting counselling at our hospice).
I can't even think of any words tonight. I am just struggling.
I think I'm starting to fall back into using this to avoid dealing with everything. But I don't know if I can talk to anyone about it (I am getting counselling at our hospice).
I can't even think of any words tonight. I am just struggling.
Words are a bit inadequate so
Original post by diamonddust
thankyouuu
right back atchaive asked this boy i'm extremely close to to come over tmz for everymeal - i know that eating in front of him is gna be hard and we will probably end up argueing over the quantity, but i think it'll help me to eat and move on, and it'll defo ensure i keep it down. i can't have another day like this week has been, hopefully having him here will help me to get out of this hole!
xxx
To all of those who have posted about hoarding food and food obsession.
Have you heard of the Minnesota Starvation Experiment? Anyway, it was designed to determine the physiological and psychological effects of severe and prolonged dietary restriction and the effectiveness of dietary rehabilitation strategies. They took 36 volunteer men form the public services and basically put them on a restricted diet where they lost 25% of their body weight over 24 weeks.
The interesting thing is that these were perfectly normal healthy, young men before ther study. During the study they developed bizarre food behaviours including hoarding, obsessive reading of recipes and discussion about food:
In addition to cookbooks and collecting recipes, some of the men even began collecting coffeepots, hot plates, and other kitchen utensils. According to the original report, hoarding even extended to non-food-related items such as "old books, unnecessary second-hand clothes, knick knacks, and other 'junk.í Often after making such purchases, which could be afforded only with sacrifice, the men would be puzzled as to why they had bought such more or less useless articles". One man even began rummaging through garbage cans. This general tendency to hoard has been observed in starved anorexic patients (Crisp, Hsu, & Harding, 1980)
As a result of the study it has been suggested that many of the profound social and psychological effects of anorexia or bulimia may result from undernutrition, and recovery depends on physical re-nourishment as well as psychological treatment.
There is no mystery about food hoarding and obsession in anorexia. It is a direct result of a period of starvation. So no, you're not weird, it is the brain and body doing what it is programmed to when starved - find food and keep it. Simple.
See here for more:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Starvation_Experiment#Results
http://www.joyproject.org/overcoming/starvation.html
Have you heard of the Minnesota Starvation Experiment? Anyway, it was designed to determine the physiological and psychological effects of severe and prolonged dietary restriction and the effectiveness of dietary rehabilitation strategies. They took 36 volunteer men form the public services and basically put them on a restricted diet where they lost 25% of their body weight over 24 weeks.
The interesting thing is that these were perfectly normal healthy, young men before ther study. During the study they developed bizarre food behaviours including hoarding, obsessive reading of recipes and discussion about food:
In addition to cookbooks and collecting recipes, some of the men even began collecting coffeepots, hot plates, and other kitchen utensils. According to the original report, hoarding even extended to non-food-related items such as "old books, unnecessary second-hand clothes, knick knacks, and other 'junk.í Often after making such purchases, which could be afforded only with sacrifice, the men would be puzzled as to why they had bought such more or less useless articles". One man even began rummaging through garbage cans. This general tendency to hoard has been observed in starved anorexic patients (Crisp, Hsu, & Harding, 1980)
As a result of the study it has been suggested that many of the profound social and psychological effects of anorexia or bulimia may result from undernutrition, and recovery depends on physical re-nourishment as well as psychological treatment.
There is no mystery about food hoarding and obsession in anorexia. It is a direct result of a period of starvation. So no, you're not weird, it is the brain and body doing what it is programmed to when starved - find food and keep it. Simple.
See here for more:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Starvation_Experiment#Results
http://www.joyproject.org/overcoming/starvation.html
Original post by Arcane Barn Elk
hoarding
That whole experiment sounds really interesting (though you have to wonder if the people experimented on were able to go back to normal life and having a healthy view of food). The weird thing is I'm no longer starving, if anything I eat too much, yet I still hoard food and have done ever since I actually had the disorder. It's funny how out of all the habits, that's the one that sticks.
To everyone who is struggling right now, I can't even begin to understand what you're going through, but I want to wish you the best of luck and to know that you're incredibly strong people.
Original post by squiff93
you aren't alone don't worry,
if you want to talk to someone you can pm me, i don't know how helpful i will be but i can listen to you and i understand what its like
x
if you want to talk to someone you can pm me, i don't know how helpful i will be but i can listen to you and i understand what its like
x
Original post by diamonddust
Words are a bit inadequate so
Thank-you both, much, much appreciated. (And the same goes in return, I'm usually arounds if anyone wants to PM <3)
Today is a new day, so I'm going to try and eat healthily today. It's not going to make me feel any better if I start restricting, it's just another way of avoiding dealing with things... it's just it doesn't always feel as easy as that.
But I guess that's why you have to keep trying.
Hope I dont get neg repped like most of my posts(for no real reason either!) but today havent eaten yet but as per usual drank a lot of diet cola(used to be regular but since I started diet I feel a little less crappy)
So as the evening gets later I will end up in binge mode again like last night had 1/3 a baguette at lunchtime then in evening ate a large plate of mince(with nothing else on plate) then a large slice of cake.
I just never physcially feel hungry till the evening but feel psychologically hungry all day so thats where the imbalance with me lies since when the 2 feelings are in sync I go in binge mode.
So as the evening gets later I will end up in binge mode again like last night had 1/3 a baguette at lunchtime then in evening ate a large plate of mince(with nothing else on plate) then a large slice of cake.
I just never physcially feel hungry till the evening but feel psychologically hungry all day so thats where the imbalance with me lies since when the 2 feelings are in sync I go in binge mode.
Original post by drbluebox
Original post by drbluebox
Hope I dont get neg repped like most of my posts(for no real reason either!) but today havent eaten yet but as per usual drank a lot of diet cola(used to be regular but since I started diet I feel a little less crappy)
So as the evening gets later I will end up in binge mode again like last night had 1/3 a baguette at lunchtime then in evening ate a large plate of mince(with nothing else on plate) then a large slice of cake.
I just never physcially feel hungry till the evening but feel psychologically hungry all day so thats where the imbalance with me lies since when the 2 feelings are in sync I go in binge mode.
So as the evening gets later I will end up in binge mode again like last night had 1/3 a baguette at lunchtime then in evening ate a large plate of mince(with nothing else on plate) then a large slice of cake.
I just never physcially feel hungry till the evening but feel psychologically hungry all day so thats where the imbalance with me lies since when the 2 feelings are in sync I go in binge mode.
You get negged because this is a pro-recovery thread and you keep coming in and posting about your restrictive diet
Original post by Aemiliana
You get negged because this is a pro-recovery thread and you keep coming in and posting about your restrictive diet
I thought it was a advice thread too? I was wanting help and advice to get better so neg rep isnt the way to do that!
Original post by drbluebox
I thought it was a advice thread too? I was wanting help and advice to get better so neg rep isnt the way to do that!
Advice on how to lose weight? Do you not find it highly insensitive to ask such a thing in an EATING DISORDER thread? I am aware there's many different types of eating disorders but it seems that many of us here are suffering with not eating enough and trying to eat more so I think it's a bit out of line to talk about your restrictive dieting which can serve as a trigger for many of us...
Original post by drbluebox
I thought it was a advice thread too? I was wanting help and advice to get better so neg rep isnt the way to do that!
I remember you from your thread. I've been wanting to post for a good few hours but stayed away because I'm not feeling great today but seeing as a couple of people have commented, I'll jump in and I hope I'm not causing any offence, especially as I recommended this thread to you. This thread is a pro recovery thread, meaning everyone is working towards or is in recovery. As many of us have restrictive disorders, (behavioural) recovery for us means eating a healthy amount. Regardless of your weight, you should be eating a certain amount, even if medically, you need to lose weight. What you're eating at the moment falls into restrictive territory, which is why you've been negged. I think my issue is that you haven't actually asked for any advice. What advice do you want? How does posting a list of food help? Eating a restrictive amount and calling it a binge is pretty triggering if some of us have meal plans that require us to eat more. What actually triggers your binges in the first place? If you must talk about food/drink can you please spoiler it? I said this before but if you're not eating nearly enough, you're setting yourself up for a binge. If you want to list food you eat, there are plenty of websites where you can do it without being called out. Sorry if this seems confrontational but if you just post a list of food on a page, people are going to ignore you (or neg you) because you're not really giving us anything to help you with.
If you want advice, ask a question with triggering parts in spoilers and if any of us are able to help, we'll answer.
Feeling really positive today. No binges and no starving.
edit: obviously the guilt is there as ever but it's not making me do anything stupid.
Spoiler
edit: obviously the guilt is there as ever but it's not making me do anything stupid.
Spoiler
(edited 12 years ago)
Ok I really need some opinions. Despite being told I have one by my councillor and some other people I really can't believe I have an eating disorder for several reasons that i'll state. Just some advice would be really great - i'm going to spoiler it because it includes some possible triggers including talk of BMI so don't look if you will get upset. I know you people can't DIAGNOSE eating disorders but I just want to know if it's just me thinking about this too much.
Spoiler
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Linweth
Advice on how to lose weight? Do you not find it highly insensitive to ask such a thing in an EATING DISORDER thread? I am aware there's many different types of eating disorders but it seems that many of us here are suffering with not eating enough and trying to eat more so I think it's a bit out of line to talk about your restrictive dieting which can serve as a trigger for many of us...
Original post by diamonddust
I remember you from your thread. I've been wanting to post for a good few hours but stayed away because I'm not feeling great today but seeing as a couple of people have commented, I'll jump in and I hope I'm not causing any offence, especially as I recommended this thread to you. This thread is a pro recovery thread, meaning everyone is working towards or is in recovery. As many of us have restrictive disorders, (behavioural) recovery for us means eating a healthy amount. Regardless of your weight, you should be eating a certain amount, even if medically, you need to lose weight. What you're eating at the moment falls into restrictive territory, which is why you've been negged. I think my issue is that you haven't actually asked for any advice. What advice do you want? How does posting a list of food help? Eating a restrictive amount and calling it a binge is pretty triggering if some of us have meal plans that require us to eat more. What actually triggers your binges in the first place? If you must talk about food/drink can you please spoiler it? I said this before but if you're not eating nearly enough, you're setting yourself up for a binge. If you want to list food you eat, there are plenty of websites where you can do it without being called out. Sorry if this seems confrontational but if you just post a list of food on a page, people are going to ignore you (or neg you) because you're not really giving us anything to help you with.
If you want advice, ask a question with triggering parts in spoilers and if any of us are able to help, we'll answer.
If you want advice, ask a question with triggering parts in spoilers and if any of us are able to help, we'll answer.
I didnt realise about the spoiler tags, well I went by the title which says discussions, opinons and advice so put down something and was expecting an opinion on it such as advice on if I had eaten too much.
And when I was talking about eating too much I was going by terms of calories and junk not physcial amount but was unsure so again wanted opinions on that.
When the thread is about eating disorders but doesnt mention specificially undereating then if thats what the thread is actually about then it should be worded in that way.
I talked about a binge in the sense that I starved then ate a excessive amount, I dont know if its relevantg but since I was 20 I have had constant thoughts of making myself sick and sometimes I have used that as an excuse to eat and even though I have tried to in the past(like laxatives every day for 6 months) it did nothing.
Finally I come from a family history of bulimia, my brother had it, my cousin had it to extremes(damaged her insides and she thought she wouldnt have kids)
Not getting at anyone, hope my reply doesnt seem like that.
Original post by Cinamon
Ok I really need some opinions. Despite being told I have one by my councillor and some other people I really can't believe I have an eating disorder for several reasons that i'll state. Just some advice would be really great - i'm going to spoiler it because it includes some possible triggers including talk of BMI so don't look if you will get upset. I know you people can't DIAGNOSE eating disorders but I just want to know if it's just me thinking about this too much.
Spoiler
Spoiler
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Cinamon
Ok I really need some opinions. Despite being told I have one by my councillor and some other people I really can't believe I have an eating disorder for several reasons that i'll state. Just some advice would be really great - i'm going to spoiler it because it includes some possible triggers including talk of BMI so don't look if you will get upset. I know you people can't DIAGNOSE eating disorders but I just want to know if it's just me thinking about this too much.
Spoiler
Does it really matter if you can stick the words 'eating disorder' onto yourself or not?
What is clear is that you are torturing yourself through starvation and are very much consumed by the process. Please try to get all the support you can and figure out a plan of easing yourself back into health. Before it's too late. And I promise you the longer you leave it the harder it will be.
Losing more and more weight won't make your reasons (your real reasons) for doing so go away. There will always be messages out there telling you to lose weight, dickheads telling you how great you look and how you should keep at it, skinny people that make you feel bad about yourself. But honestly, don't waste your life on this. Please try to figure out why you are so unhappy. Maybe you can't fix something that's happened, maybe it's a feeling that's been with you for so long you don't even remember how everything started. I don't know. But you really need to start sorting out your health, physical and mental, because believe me, this won't make things better. It'll make you miserable and ruin everything in your life, just like it did to millions of people. Don't be one of them. I know things are crappy at the moment and it's not going to be easy to look after yourself better, but you have people in your life (not the ****s telling you to lose weight) like your real friends and family that would be devastated (!!) if you got any sicker. It is unspeakable pain, to have to watch a loved one violently, relentlessly demolish themselves... and realise there is next to nothing you can do. Just think about that, and take care of yourself <3
(edited 12 years ago)
Spoiler
Original post by squiff93
Spoiler
Please keep at it, you're doing so well. Don't let other ignorant/impatient people affect your lovely recovery plan.You want to be healthy and you are doing what you need to do. Okay so you stumbled. Get back up ! xxx
Go Squiff!
I don't want to ruffle any feathers but nobody should be discouraged from posting here for ANY reason, so long as it's for the purpose of encouraging recovery or asking advice on how to recover from your own eating disorders.
Squiff, I agree with DestroyViruses, you've already taken MANY of the first steps. It gets scarier and steeper from here.
I personally had a "panic week". I was told to eat 2000 calories and drink fortisips on top of that. I did what I was supposed to, but subconsciously sabotaged myself by MAKING reasons to be more active.
"Oh, gran needs shopping done. I'll go get it for her."
"Oh, I need to set up my other gran's new telly."
At my weigh-in today, I've gone from BMI of 15.6 to 15.3 in one week, and that's WITH my new calorie intake. I cried, I had no idea that even despite eating what I was supposed to, I was sabotaging my own recovery through this ED's sneak tactics and my own weak will.
What I'm saying is, your ED is just as sly and as cruel a liar as I, as you, as we all have become. But you're kidding nobody but yourself. I did this to myself. I just conditioned myself to believe that, as I was taking in more cals, that I could "afford" to do more.
But no. I now have a kidney infection, my bone density scan shows severe osteoperosis (SD of -3.6; osteoperosis is diagnosed at -2.5, 1 or more is normal) and I am now in danger of being re-admitted to the hospital against my will.
This is no life. In one week of self-sabotage I have undone a month of progress. Don't fall into the same trap.
I only post this as explicitly as I do because my therapist does the same to me - doesn't dress it up, doesn't pussyfoot around the issue. Everyone needs to understand how tough a recovery can be, but at the end of the day, don't fall into the traps your own lies you make for yourself construct.
You deserve a life beyond this, guys! XXX
Squiff, I agree with DestroyViruses, you've already taken MANY of the first steps. It gets scarier and steeper from here.
I personally had a "panic week". I was told to eat 2000 calories and drink fortisips on top of that. I did what I was supposed to, but subconsciously sabotaged myself by MAKING reasons to be more active.
"Oh, gran needs shopping done. I'll go get it for her."
"Oh, I need to set up my other gran's new telly."
At my weigh-in today, I've gone from BMI of 15.6 to 15.3 in one week, and that's WITH my new calorie intake. I cried, I had no idea that even despite eating what I was supposed to, I was sabotaging my own recovery through this ED's sneak tactics and my own weak will.
What I'm saying is, your ED is just as sly and as cruel a liar as I, as you, as we all have become. But you're kidding nobody but yourself. I did this to myself. I just conditioned myself to believe that, as I was taking in more cals, that I could "afford" to do more.
But no. I now have a kidney infection, my bone density scan shows severe osteoperosis (SD of -3.6; osteoperosis is diagnosed at -2.5, 1 or more is normal) and I am now in danger of being re-admitted to the hospital against my will.
This is no life. In one week of self-sabotage I have undone a month of progress. Don't fall into the same trap.
I only post this as explicitly as I do because my therapist does the same to me - doesn't dress it up, doesn't pussyfoot around the issue. Everyone needs to understand how tough a recovery can be, but at the end of the day, don't fall into the traps your own lies you make for yourself construct.
You deserve a life beyond this, guys! XXX
I've been slowly upping my calories and it's really hard and sending me into fits of neurotic emotions.... it's so hard
Original post by Linweth
I've been slowly upping my calories and it's really hard and sending me into fits of neurotic emotions.... it's so hard
I know sweetpea, but you have to do it to get better.
The issue I had was that, whilst upping cals, I was also upping exertion and DOING more, hence I was negating all my progress. What you have to remember is you have two options:
Either up your calorie intake and do less in order to gain weight to a healthy level,
or
Continue to up your calories exponentially to your exertion to the point where you grind yourself to dust.
Basically my therapist said it's pointless to up my calorie allowance even further, it would be more effective to simply have me eat my 2000 calories plus fortisips and do very very little exercise rather than this endless cycle of me trying to "keep up" with doing more and more whilst I ate more and more to the point where every day I'd be like, eating 10,000 calories and running a couple of marathons and collapsing every other day.
Makes sense I guess, but I understand your emotions Lil.
