Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

Squiffy, whats up?

I've spent the whole day binging and purging and i feel like ****, i feel like i have no control and i just want to carry on and get it out of my system today....

I don't think theres a way to stop it today I really don't trust myself, I have this bad feeling that something awful is going to happen. I don't want to be here anymore

Sorry i can't really reply - everything seems ****ed and it's hard to express myself. i don't feel alive or real

I'm crap at advice hun because I always feel like a hypocrite but anyway - there is always a way to stop it but it can be a cycle that is hard to break You go into a crazy binge because your body is craving the nutrition and then feel like you can't stop because you pass a line and then feel like you've failed already. And sometimes it's just because you have no thoughts and it's all impulsive and then you come around realising what has happened.

The reason I know this is because what you're experiencing happens to so so many people with this illness and you are not alone and not weird. Take a break for the rest of the day, sleep, rest and gather up energy so that you can make a fresh start again tomorrow xxx

Gah is it the weather or something?

Thanks i haven't slept properly in ages i wish i could just sleep my life away. I know i should hope that tomorrow will be better but honestly i just wish there was no tomorrow. everything is winding me up and i just feel like i'm going to snap.

i'm sorry xxx

Finding it so hard to support others today, sorry.
Finding it really hard to post on here too.
There's so much I want to say that I don't feel like I can say because it either feels like I'm being overdramatic or I'm being negative. I'm still here though.

It seems as though this is a difficult time for all of us. We seem to synchronise our feelings! Perhaps EDs are seasonal!! Haha.

At any rate, despite the fact we are all enduring the same things and thus, we're freaking out and feel useless to others, we are helping our brethren more than we think.

No matter what burdens you think you're going to be to others by posting - post. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Finding it so hard to support others today, sorry.
Finding it really hard to post on here too.
There's so much I want to say that I don't feel like I can say because it either feels like I'm being overdramatic or I'm being negative. I'm still here though.

Anonymous, I restricted for a while. Nearly died. Had a heart attack. 26 years old.

s'your call buddy.

I'm also feeling like the best I can do is :hug:.

Doesnt help I've spent quite a few hours feeling really,really on edge and idk why. Which is annoying, and I'm going to the doctors about my hands& feet and their general lack of being warm/ the whole having to wear socks to bed in the middle of august. And I am tempted to tell the doctor about my disturbing inability to cope with nerves/ stress, as its someting thats getting worse, and getting quite badly worse very quickly. i.e Feb, I decided/ was begged/ forced into performing in the spring concert. Normally I get really nervous & shake quite a bit, but I can finish my piece. Couldnt even do that this time! Nearly had a panic attack before going into my german speaking exam. Ditto going to pick up my AS results, to the extent that I got told by the head of music, sit down before you fall down. And I think she thinks I'm mad. Parents dont know about the whole anxiety thing, hence why I dont want to mention it to the doctor because I dont want him to put me on tablets for it, cos then I've got to explain to ma & pa what they are, and I'd hate them to make me completely inable to feel a little bit of nerves, just want them to take the edge off, because otherwise I WILL lose the plot before my A2 exams. </rant>

TL;DR - I dont cope with nerves v. well and its getting worse. Probs should tell docotor to get it sorted for the sake of my sanity, but don't want to have to explain to parents why I'm ramming tablets down my throat/ declare on UCAS I'm insane.

It seems as though this is a difficult time for all of us. We seem to synchronise our feelings! Perhaps EDs are seasonal!! Haha.

At any rate, despite the fact we are all enduring the same things and thus, we're freaking out and feel useless to others, we are helping our brethren more than we think.

No matter what burdens you think you're going to be to others by posting - post. A problem shared is a problem halved.

We do. The anxiety, is usally seasonal. Exam seasonal :/

I felt better for posting the other day - maybe it would help?

snowflake i thought it would be the worst thing in the entire world if my mum found out about my meds. She inevitably found out, and although she doesn't agree with them, i'm so glad I told her. You're mature enough to not have to explain the ins and outs to your parents - but to let them in a little might be a good thing.

Toto - definitely seasonal! Haha! It's gotten soooo cold here in the past few days - feels like winter

I give up.. I really have. Sorry guys. Good luck all of you be stronger than me.

Finding it so hard to support others today, sorry.
Finding it really hard to post on here too.
There's so much I want to say that I don't feel like I can say because it either feels like I'm being overdramatic or I'm being negative. I'm still here though.

Sounds like your anxiety is really affecting you. It won't be so bad explaining it to your parents hun. If they think you need them and they'll help you, take them and just tell your parents that they help. To use that old analogy, if you had a broken leg you'd put it in a cast and pop a ibuprofen! And about the UCAS thing, I didn't want to declare anything but my sister persuaded me to and the only thing that happened was I got an email after I received my offer telling me to meet up with the mental health co-ordinator to help me. I'd also recommend looking into the DSA if you think you'll have any ED/anxiety related academic problems at uni. They can give you a mentor to talk to and help you plan revision as well as help with equipment, which can be really useful if you're worried about things.

Oh God, exams!
Right now I have like two big (silly) fears. The first is uni. It sounds so silly but I'm terrified about the creative writing workshop- even though I've always loved them! I feel like they're going to give me a task I can't do and because I haven't written in so long I'm really rusty and I have this fear that I'm going to fail and everyone will secretly wonder what the hell I'm doing there. Apparently a 7 page portfolio that got me into a competitive course isn't enough validation for me. But my block is just really awful and I don't even know what my writing is like anymore and everytime I read back my old stuff I'm like 'WTF is this?'. And I'm scared about deadlines and essays and feeling overwhelmed and stupid and lost. And I'm scared about food because... well, you know.

Squiff, do you hear me? DON'T YOU DARE.

You are stronger than this. People on here are not stronger than you, not necessarily, they might have come a further way and they might hvae been in a more critical position to start with, but ultimately they are made strong because they WILL keep fighting. And so will you. If you need to rant/talk/say anything just please let it out - so many people on here are going to worry about you if you leave with a post like that. We're still here and we still care and I can bet that all of us can't face the thought of another giving up. So you're not going to do this, 'kay? You're going to keep fighting and you're going to beat this and you're going to come out of it all twice as wise and as sure of the world because as much as EDs suck and tear your life apart recovering from them requires a very powerful source of character, and in finding that people can be such strong people in later life. You are going to be one of those people. You're going to come back and you're going to be okay and you're NOT GOING TO GIVE UP

Finding it so hard to support others today, sorry.
Finding it really hard to post on here too.
There's so much I want to say that I don't feel like I can say because it either feels like I'm being overdramatic or I'm being negative. I'm still here though.

I'm sure that your writing hasn't suffered, Diamond, it probably is all anxiety blowing things out of proportion and making them seem five times worse than they are. Have you tried returning to stream of consciousness style, like not aiming to write anything in particular but just whatever pops into your head? I find that's quite good for clearing your head when writer's block's getting in the way : )