Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.

Thank you. I spent all day speaking to my grandmother. And even she said she was a negligent mother when we kids, for my grandmother to admit that of her own daughter....my mother, means she was pretty bad.

Its only in the last 4 months since starting therapy i realise her behaviour isnt normal and not everyones mother is like that.

I believe less what she says but sometimes i find myself believing it and need someone to remind me its not true :/

Says stuff about food - pains after eating

It could be stress/psychological, of course, but have you noticed any other gastrointestinal symptoms? Because so many of us develop IBS due to the stress we put on our digestive systems with our EDs. If this is the first and only time this happens please discount this.
It's the worse feeling when you're trying to eat properly and your body rebels.

I don't know really, I get really severe stomach aches sometimes, and feel quite bloated a lot, but because I tend to overdose on laxatives quite frequently I don't really know how my digestive system works anymore.

It sounds like IBS to me (I've been to a gazillion consultants about my stomach pain and IBS was always the first thing they bought up). When you're bloated and in pain does your stomach feel really hard? Because that's called an 'acute abdomen' and worth seeing your GP about (you don't have to mention your ED if you don't want to).
One thing you could do is try eliminating certain food groups (like wheat and dairy) for a week at a time and see if the pain changes/ gets better. But, of course, eliminating foods when you've got an ED is a very slippery slope.
I know it's a horrible thing to have to confront, but the laxative abuse has probably really messed up your digestive system, and can often take years to correct after you stop using. It's one of the majorly sucky things about recovery- you have to confront the amount of damage you've done to your body.
Sorry about the negativity!

No worries about the negativity I kind of need it, I absent mindedly take random diet pills (often ordered off the internet) and laxatives but I do want to stop, so I might own up to everything at the doctors because if I tell them the full story I'm more likely to fix it properly. You analysis of the stomach pains sounds pretty accurate I want it to be checked out by the doctor but they won't need to like see my body will they??

Thanks

It could be stress/psychological, of course, but have you noticed any other gastrointestinal symptoms? Because so many of us develop IBS due to the stress we put on our digestive systems with our EDs. If this is the first and only time this happens please discount this.
It's the worse feeling when you're trying to eat properly and your body rebels.

The doctor will do an abdominal examination (you pull up your top and they feel your abdomen) but all they see is your abdomen. I hate my stomach, it's the first part of my body to retain weight, but I really just think that when it comes to your health you've just got to let a doctor see it. They really aren't going to be judging what they see. (I have SH scars all over my stomach and have never had a doctor mention them). And the exam only lasts two minutes.

Own up, own up, own up! I'm so happy that you said that! If they know your history they'll be much more likely to come up with an actual cause. And from a recovery standpoint it's the best thing you'll ever do for yourself.

Yeah I hate going to the doctors because I'm always scared they'll have a go at me or weigh me or something. Especially since being at Uni because I was trying to start fresh pretending that I was 'fine' and that it never happened. I'm always scared they'll see my records and it makes me so paranoid. Like I always mention the depression but never the eating disorder because I don't want them to make me stop and eat more....but actually I do I'm just scared to stop because it's hard.

I'm just going to have to suck it up

-hugggging- You're not going to be the first person with your problems that they see. I promise. And if they judge you for it, they need to get a new job.

Yeah I hate going to the doctors because I'm always scared they'll have a go at me or weigh me or something. Especially since being at Uni because I was trying to start fresh pretending that I was 'fine' and that it never happened. I'm always scared they'll see my records and it makes me so paranoid. Like I always mention the depression but never the eating disorder because I don't want them to make me stop and eat more....but actually I do I'm just scared to stop because it's hard.

I'm just going to have to suck it up

I need a little help distinguishing between what is just being slightly weird about food and what is getting towards a serious problem- I'm not even close to underweight so I definitely don't have an eating disorder, but sometimes I feel like food is taking over my life. I'm pretty secretive about food in general so for once I'm just going to lay everything out and hopefully get some advice about getting back to a more normal relationship with food. I hope you don't mind me posting this in here but I felt awkward making a whole thread just about me.

- I have ridiculous, horrible binges. I eat everything carby or sugary that I can get my hands on, I totally lose control. It starts out as comfort for something but I keep eating past the point of feeling uncomfortable and bloated and sick, so it's more like a punishment for being weak and chubby.
- When I'm not binging, I'm either not eating or counting calories obsessively. It's very rare that I manage a day in the middle ground and eat three proper, normal-sized meals and feel comfortable with it.
- I love food shopping. I spend a lot of time looking at the nutritional information on everything, making sure I get the pasta with the lowest calories, etc. I also go around and fantasise about what I would eat if I was on a binge, but then don't buy it.
- I can spend a whole day thinking about nothing but food and weight and calories- looking up recipes, measuring myself, writing lists of meals I eat regularly and the amount of calories in them, thinking up new low-calorie meals, planning what I'll eat next, looking at pictures of lovely thin women and wishing I was like them, etc.
- I know I could be the weight I want to be if I just ate healthily and regularly and exercised, but I can't stop the binges.

You sound exactly like me. Exactly the same!

Just found out that a website is taking about £100 from my account per month for diet pills and i have no idea how to stop it! I'm freaking out. I want to go to my mum for help, I mean this is literally bankrupting me, but there is no way to tell her that I ordered pills to happily consume unaware of what was in them!

I rang the bank and they said they can't do anything until 30 days time and even if they do intervene there's no guarantee that they can fix it.

:'( Why does this have to ruin EVERYTHING.

Is it coming through paypal or a direct debit? Do you have any emails from them? Or any access to their terms and conditions? They can't take that if you haven't agreed to them taking that - the bank will have to sort that out though at the end of the month I think if you're protected by them. Paypal could be someone to contact if any of the payments have come through there. I had something like this a while ago but it was £20 a month (games website) and after emailing them and explaining the problem they refunded me totally and stopped the payments. Unfortunately I think that may be unlikely with a diet pills site but you never know!

Just make sure you keep a record of everything and don't panic, it'll get sorted

I phoned the company up and fortuntely they can stop the payments so that I don't receive any more, however I cannot return them and be refunded. They didnt accept my uni adrdress to ship them to so they got sent home, which i meant i wasn't aware of what / how much i was being sent.

Thing is I was going to try and get myself off this stuff, but over 100 pounds worth of stuff I don't know if I can just chuck it away and waste it. The worst thing aswell is that I now can't afford to go food shopping, I wanted to sort stuff out but now I'm just stuck again.

Ohwell lesson learnt I guess.