I used to have an eating disorder when I was younger but I've been weight restored and okay behaviour wise for years. The past few months I could just feel it coming to the surface to the point where the last two weeks Ive averaged 600 calories a day with a lot of walking and cheerleading/dance and gymnastics. I know its not really enough I dont want it to get out of hand again. I think I want to increase to 800 but I just cant, the idea of what I would eat scares me so much - Im scared it would stop me losing weight even though I know thats not really possible on 800 calories (?)
I think its all because Im at uni so my parents arent around to watch and my boyfriend graduated in the summer. Esentially this is the first year Ive been on my own with food. I fly at cheer (get picked up by other girls and thrown around) and it just embarasses me because I feel too big like im going to hurt people. Also just come off of anti-depressants I was on for anxiety probably hasnt helped, although the anxiety is not a problem any more (I dont have social anxiety or panic attacks anymore)
Ive not lost that much at this point but im on the lower end of normal when my natural body weight is more like bmi 21.5
I dont even know what im asking, Im not sure I even want to change right now except I kind of do, I know it makes me miserable. I want to lose some weight as quickly as possible but I dont want to get sick. Maybe it will all blow over, I dunno ... I feel like if I go to the doctor and start making it all a big problem it might just make it worse.
Will increasing to 800 when my body is used to 600 make me gain weight? (Im honestly not an idiot, and I pretty much know the answer to my question already but I feel like I need to check)