I'm so frustrated with myself. I've been bulimic for 5 years with periods of BED between and I am massively overweight. That's not just me thinking I am, I am obese by BMI standards and what not. I am desperate to kick this, because its expensive, inconvenient, affecting my studies (final year) and stopping me from being a 'normal student'. Where I am at Uni there is pants support for ED's, especially because I'm not anorexic. Even anorexics here have limited help, but there is more for them than me.
I've tried doing these online self help things and tried the food diary (no calories) with track on emotions and documenting unhealthy behavior etc. I've tried to eat healthy (although I think my idea of portions is severely screwed as a portion of pasta say and I will be physically hungry an hour later). I also want to lose weight HEALTHILY but I've got myself in that all or nothing mind set. I eat and I don't stop, I stop eating and within 48 hours I've eaten the entire contents of my fridge. I am just so b***** frustrated with myself and the system and feel so powerless to recover even though I'm in the mindset now where I want to.
I just can't do it on my own but nobody here seems to care. 'Try and binge on healthy food like fruit', 'If you binge don't get rid of it' and try to eat a meal plan are all they can suggest. I love my Dr to pieces but theres just no-where to refer me and she's just interested in stopping the purging and reducing my weight. I've tried many times at counselling with the 'I think the cause of this is your upbringing' to which I reply 'no s*** sherlock, its taken you 6 weeks to work that one out'. I feel like I'm screaming for help and no one can hear me.
I mean I'm ill at the moment with some bacteria I brought back from a holiday abroad which means I am in agony whenever I eat and have to use the toilet soon after because it goes through me that quick ... and do you think that has even stopped me eating?? Even pain and humiliation can't stop me.
Short of cutting up my bank cards and freezing my accounts so I can't buy food and meaning I can't eat, I just don't know what to do. What can I do. I don't know how I am going to get all my work done and graduate with a good grade so I can get my PhD studentship and carry on with my life. Its already ruined my time at Uni, I don't want it to ruin my career before I've even started. Help.