Okay so...I don't know if I'm allowed to do this here but I thought I'd share my story. it isn't as emotional as some peoples on here, but i wanted to type it out.
I'm currently in year 13, but When I was in year 9 I weighed a lot, like I was definitely overweight, and I hated myself for it. I didn't understand how everyone else was so skinny and I was so fat. In my household everyone is a bit round, but my mom is always pushing diet plans and exercise routines, to try and help us lose some weight. One of them just went too far. She started us onb this diet where you eat for 5 days of the week and fast for two, any two. So I thought i'd give it a try. I expected it to be harder, more difficult, but I found that the more I thought about getting skinny, getting rid of the intensely revolting amount of fat on my body, the more I wanted to fast, so I moved from fasting two days, to fasting three and so on. It got to a point where3 I was never eating breakfast, breakfast was sinful, and definitely not lunch, because then other people would see me eat, would judge me for it, for stuffing food in my face when I so clearly didn't deserve it. I was only eating dinner when my mom made me, and that often came a long with a speech about how I was beautiful and needed to eat more to stay healthy, or my dad asking if i was starving myself. I thought it was completely ridiculous, of course I wasn't, it was just a harmless little diet, I still had so much fat in me to live off of, it couldn't do any harm. But then of course, it got even worse. People were getting to be concerned, asking me to eat more and more often, threatening to drag me to a doctor if I didn't, so i started eating when i was nagged about it. But i couldn't, and still can't, stand the feel of not being hungry, i couldn't stand the weight of food in my stomach, so i turned to purging, every day, every time i ate something, until blood and bile was the only thing i ever brought up, and my knuckles were sore and red and scarred. Nowadays I've gotten a bit better with it, its not as frequent, but i still feel so happy when im hungry and even when it gets to being lightheaded because i havent eaten in so long i feel so light im flying. im still nowhere near the weight id like to be, and im doing the "wrong" things less and less, but every day i just feel the urge to go back to doing it more, i feel the NEED to do so...its been a long struggle, and ive only recently cut down on how much i purge...
so yeah, sorry about my rambling, i just needed to get this out