Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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I am recovering without any professional help (other than the odd GP visit for medical tests) and I would NOT recommend it. Even though i've come so so far, I still sit around for hours trying to figure out what is the best thing to do about every food and weight related thing and it's just so difficult by myself.
Original post by Cinnie
I am recovering without any professional help (other than the odd GP visit for medical tests) and I would NOT recommend it. Even though i've come so so far, I still sit around for hours trying to figure out what is the best thing to do about every food and weight related thing and it's just so difficult by myself.
Why did you decide to go it alone?
Original post by Anonymous
Why did you decide to go it alone?
As soon as I was diagnosed, I had to move home for the summer (uni). There were people much iller than me in the family and everyone seemed to be having problems (cancer etc..) and so I didn't want anyone worrying about me or supporting me... I felt like as long as I put weight on I would be able to struggle on and no one would have to worry about me.
- It was a stupid thing to do, because I ended up having to leave uni for a year anyway.
Original post by Cinnie
^^
Wow ok! Thanks for sharing and a massive CONGRATS for doing it xx
I wholeheartedly suggest you find a friend, family member or confidant in your recovery, even if it's for a "one time a week" check-in session with them. The ability to truthfully tell at least one individual some of your anxieties doesn't seem like much, but it is a HUGE boon to your recovery success. I think I read that the recovery rate with an effective support team (which means family, medical professionals, friends, or any combination of the aforementioned) is increased eight-fold. EIGHT TIMES BETTER than your chances alone. That can't be bad odds!
I have been back and forth these days, what with my bone disease surfacing and proving if it's not one thing, it's another. My osteoporosis might've only exacerbated the onset of the skeletal progeria (rapid bone age disorder), but one thing's for certain, it's certainly not helped any.
My recent dexascan indicated that I had a lumbar score of almost -5.0. 0 is regarded as normal and -1.0is osteoporosis, and with me at my lowest weight with a score of -3.6, I thought it was as bad as it would get.
But you can't let it get you down. depression merely leads to the ED coming back to pat you on the back and suggest HE can be the solution. But I refuse, and here I stand, eight and a half stones, and still very debilitated, unwell but happy, and despite being unable to do any reels or dances - attended my best friend's wedding:
Sure, I'm never going to be able to do a lot of things, but do you really want a stupid ED to be something that ends you? I've certainly endeavoured to enjoy many things from here on out, and I refuse to let some daft mental disorder be the thing that ends me. X
I have been back and forth these days, what with my bone disease surfacing and proving if it's not one thing, it's another. My osteoporosis might've only exacerbated the onset of the skeletal progeria (rapid bone age disorder), but one thing's for certain, it's certainly not helped any.
My recent dexascan indicated that I had a lumbar score of almost -5.0. 0 is regarded as normal and -1.0is osteoporosis, and with me at my lowest weight with a score of -3.6, I thought it was as bad as it would get.
But you can't let it get you down. depression merely leads to the ED coming back to pat you on the back and suggest HE can be the solution. But I refuse, and here I stand, eight and a half stones, and still very debilitated, unwell but happy, and despite being unable to do any reels or dances - attended my best friend's wedding:
Sure, I'm never going to be able to do a lot of things, but do you really want a stupid ED to be something that ends you? I've certainly endeavoured to enjoy many things from here on out, and I refuse to let some daft mental disorder be the thing that ends me. X
Original post by TotoMimo
I wholeheartedly suggest you find a friend, family member or confidant in your recovery, even if it's for a "one time a week" check-in session with them. The ability to truthfully tell at least one individual some of your anxieties doesn't seem like much, but it is a HUGE boon to your recovery success. I think I read that the recovery rate with an effective support team (which means family, medical professionals, friends, or any combination of the aforementioned) is increased eight-fold. EIGHT TIMES BETTER than your chances alone. That can't be bad odds!
I have been back and forth these days, what with my bone disease surfacing and proving if it's not one thing, it's another. My osteoporosis might've only exacerbated the onset of the skeletal progeria (rapid bone age disorder), but one thing's for certain, it's certainly not helped any.
My recent dexascan indicated that I had a lumbar score of almost -5.0. 0 is regarded as normal and -1.0is osteoporosis, and with me at my lowest weight with a score of -3.6, I thought it was as bad as it would get.
But you can't let it get you down. depression merely leads to the ED coming back to pat you on the back and suggest HE can be the solution. But I refuse, and here I stand, eight and a half stones, and still very debilitated, unwell but happy, and despite being unable to do any reels or dances - attended my best friend's wedding:
Sure, I'm never going to be able to do a lot of things, but do you really want a stupid ED to be something that ends you? I've certainly endeavoured to enjoy many things from here on out, and I refuse to let some daft mental disorder be the thing that ends me. X
I have been back and forth these days, what with my bone disease surfacing and proving if it's not one thing, it's another. My osteoporosis might've only exacerbated the onset of the skeletal progeria (rapid bone age disorder), but one thing's for certain, it's certainly not helped any.
My recent dexascan indicated that I had a lumbar score of almost -5.0. 0 is regarded as normal and -1.0is osteoporosis, and with me at my lowest weight with a score of -3.6, I thought it was as bad as it would get.
But you can't let it get you down. depression merely leads to the ED coming back to pat you on the back and suggest HE can be the solution. But I refuse, and here I stand, eight and a half stones, and still very debilitated, unwell but happy, and despite being unable to do any reels or dances - attended my best friend's wedding:
Sure, I'm never going to be able to do a lot of things, but do you really want a stupid ED to be something that ends you? I've certainly endeavoured to enjoy many things from here on out, and I refuse to let some daft mental disorder be the thing that ends me. X
Spoiler
Original post by TotoMimo
I wholeheartedly suggest you find a friend, family member or confidant in your recovery, even if it's for a "one time a week" check-in session with them. The ability to truthfully tell at least one individual some of your anxieties doesn't seem like much, but it is a HUGE boon to your recovery success. I think I read that the recovery rate with an effective support team (which means family, medical professionals, friends, or any combination of the aforementioned) is increased eight-fold. EIGHT TIMES BETTER than your chances alone. That can't be bad odds!
Spoiler
Oh it wont let me rate you
But this makes me so unbelievably proud of you!I feel dead at the moment. Depression is severe and I simply cannot eat. Partially because depression is draining the hell out of me, making me incapable of anything, partially because I feel like I don't deserve food and I'm disgusting. I simply can't be 'normal'. I can't eat a 'normal' amount of food and haven't been able to for about 8 years. The worse my depression gets the worse my body image problems and relationship with food is. I can never strike the right balance. I can't honestly do this. Blah. Sorry this probably doesn't even belong here but I'm feeling awful
Original post by Anonymous
I read something really cheesy the other day but it's kind of true. Imagine your mind as a bus... where you are the driver. Any bad thoughts and feelings are unwelcome, difficult passengers, and you have to decide what to do about them. If they are being a little difficult, you will have to just stay strong and wait for them to get off at their stop, hoping it's soon, but if they are kicking and screaming, breaking windows and upsetting other passengers... then a lot more concious effort needs to go into sorting out the problem.
I know how you feel about wanting to be numb... but if you numb the feelings out you'll never learn the skills to overcome them. I've heard professionals say that you don't grow emotionally while you have a serious eating disorder because it takes over as a coping mechanism... so if it's with you from 15 and you don't recover until 25, then you'll still have the emotional reasoning of a 15 year old. Not sure how true it is but it's worth a thought.
It will get better if you believe it - you are in control with or without your disorder.
I know how you feel about wanting to be numb... but if you numb the feelings out you'll never learn the skills to overcome them. I've heard professionals say that you don't grow emotionally while you have a serious eating disorder because it takes over as a coping mechanism... so if it's with you from 15 and you don't recover until 25, then you'll still have the emotional reasoning of a 15 year old. Not sure how true it is but it's worth a thought.
It will get better if you believe it - you are in control with or without your disorder.
I think this basically sums it up for me - I've definitely had problems for the last 8 or so years, although I'm more or less certain that the thoughts have been there since I was very young. And as a result, I have nowhere near the coping skills I should have at age 21 - controlling my food has been my reaction to problems for so long that I can't really imagine what a normal person would do.
Having read the past few posts... maybe I'm expecting too much trying to recover on my own. I don't know who I could tell, or how, and I don't want to be a burden or annoy anyone. To anyone - how did people react when you tried to tell them? I really do want to try to get better before I end up getting really bad again...that in itself is good, but I'm just ending up going in circles by myself.
Like I said previously, self therapy is a bit like saying you're strong enough to take on a beast you have no knowledge of.
You can think you're so invincible like I did, but fighting an unknown assailant is a real bastard...
You can think you're so invincible like I did, but fighting an unknown assailant is a real bastard...
Original post by winter10
I think this basically sums it up for me - I've definitely had problems for the last 8 or so years, although I'm more or less certain that the thoughts have been there since I was very young. And as a result, I have nowhere near the coping skills I should have at age 21 - controlling my food has been my reaction to problems for so long that I can't really imagine what a normal person would do.
Having read the past few posts... maybe I'm expecting too much trying to recover on my own. I don't know who I could tell, or how, and I don't want to be a burden or annoy anyone. To anyone - how did people react when you tried to tell them? I really do want to try to get better before I end up getting really bad again...that in itself is good, but I'm just ending up going in circles by myself.
Having read the past few posts... maybe I'm expecting too much trying to recover on my own. I don't know who I could tell, or how, and I don't want to be a burden or annoy anyone. To anyone - how did people react when you tried to tell them? I really do want to try to get better before I end up getting really bad again...that in itself is good, but I'm just ending up going in circles by myself.
I've told a few of my friends and they reacted well and were very supportive, however I think it was very obvious to them and they had been waiting for me to do something about it for a while. Two of my best friends actually came with me to my first doctors appointment which helped so much. It is likely that many people already know. As much as you think you are hiding it, some of the symptoms of eating disorders are very obvious. However I haven't told my family members. My grandparents know about the depression but not that I have been diagnosed with an eating disorder.. And my parents and siblings know nothing at all so probably not the best of help in that respect. You should definitely tell someone though. I can't explain the relief of someone knowing and being able to support you. Of course this thread will always support you and they are excellent
but I would advise having someone to talk to in 'real life' too. Good luck Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by 08batee
I feel dead at the moment. Depression is severe and I simply cannot eat. Partially because depression is draining the hell out of me, making me incapable of anything, partially because I feel like I don't deserve food and I'm disgusting. I simply can't be 'normal'. I can't eat a 'normal' amount of food and haven't been able to for about 8 years. The worse my depression gets the worse my body image problems and relationship with food is. I can never strike the right balance. I can't honestly do this. Blah. Sorry this probably doesn't even belong here but I'm feeling awful
Have you tried medication?
Anyway, just about scraped a 2:1 (thanks to previous years result when I wasn't restrained by this ed leash)
. What a nightmare though!To anyone moving on to their final year who may be exhibiting ed behaviour, please nip it in the bud (cbt, counseling, medication whatever) and don't drag it out. It really isn't worth it.
Original post by Anonymous
Have you tried medication?
Anyway, just about scraped a 2:1 (thanks to previous years result when I wasn't restrained by this ed leash). What a nightmare though!
To anyone moving on to their final year who may be exhibiting ed behaviour, please nip it in the bud (cbt, counseling, medication whatever) and don't drag it out. It really isn't worth it.
Anyway, just about scraped a 2:1 (thanks to previous years result when I wasn't restrained by this ed leash)
. What a nightmare though!To anyone moving on to their final year who may be exhibiting ed behaviour, please nip it in the bud (cbt, counseling, medication whatever) and don't drag it out. It really isn't worth it.
Yeah. Currently on Mirtazapine, though tried lots of meds - Citalopram, Fluoxetine, Sertraline, Venlafaxine, Diazapam and the list goes on. Nothing makes things any better. Congratulations on your degree result!
I am currently in the phase known as "Praise and Punish" in recovery. A weird one. Apparently it is extremely common.
The phase consists of control, but division of your calories into starvation and treat phases.
For example, I know I maintain my weight on approximately 1810 calories per day at a fairly sedentary level. What I will then do is space out some fairly meagre 100-200 calorie mini-meals or snacks, then "treat" myself by going to maintenance calories with something extravagant, like a big slice of cake and a hot chocolate, for example. Most people do this subconsciously. For example, they might get up, make a weetabix, then chill out, go to work, whatever. But they'll meet their pal at Costa, get a frappe and a cake, and bam, there's 1000 calories right there. But instead of counting it, they FEEL it. They say, "wow, that was really rich!" and don't really need more than a small meal to punctuate their day and sate themselves. Unfortunately I am not the same ilk.
I instead prejudge the day. Assume the calories to a particular time. THEN I allow myself to go to maintenance level.
The only solace I take in this particular scenario is that I am both aware of and adhere to a healthy caloric intake.
The phase consists of control, but division of your calories into starvation and treat phases.
For example, I know I maintain my weight on approximately 1810 calories per day at a fairly sedentary level. What I will then do is space out some fairly meagre 100-200 calorie mini-meals or snacks, then "treat" myself by going to maintenance calories with something extravagant, like a big slice of cake and a hot chocolate, for example. Most people do this subconsciously. For example, they might get up, make a weetabix, then chill out, go to work, whatever. But they'll meet their pal at Costa, get a frappe and a cake, and bam, there's 1000 calories right there. But instead of counting it, they FEEL it. They say, "wow, that was really rich!" and don't really need more than a small meal to punctuate their day and sate themselves. Unfortunately I am not the same ilk.
I instead prejudge the day. Assume the calories to a particular time. THEN I allow myself to go to maintenance level.
The only solace I take in this particular scenario is that I am both aware of and adhere to a healthy caloric intake.
I have always been skinny but I am a male, maybe 6ft 1 and only weigh ~8 stone.I fill up very quickly when I eat so don't eat a lot at one particular time. I've noticed I don't necessarily eat straight away when I am hungry (to try and eat three meals) but I never go to sleep feeling hungry. If I don't feel hungry how can I gain weight?
Original post by Anonymous
I have always been skinny but I am a male, maybe 6ft 1 and only weigh ~8 stone.I fill up very quickly when I eat so don't eat a lot at one particular time. I've noticed I don't necessarily eat straight away when I am hungry (to try and eat three meals) but I never go to sleep feeling hungry. If I don't feel hungry how can I gain weight?
Generally if you start to force yourself to stick to a slightly larger meal plan, you will find that after a few days your appetite will increase. If I were you I'd aim for 3 meals and 3 snacks a day, and try and eat at regular times to help your appetite to get used to expecting food. You may also want to try having calorie dense foods, so they don't physically fill you up so much but contain the nutrition you need.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I've not been on here in a while but I'm struggling.
Through my recent binges I put on just over half a stone and I feel huge - I am the biggest I've been all year. I've told mt boyfriend and he says he doesn't care, he loves me regardless of the size I am and what I weight ... but I do care.
I've tried doing it healthy again (exercise and well balanced meals - I lost around 40lbs doing that alone after my son) however I just fail constantly. If I don't exercise I say it's a write off and binge. If I do exercise I don't eat enough.
I woke this morning with the whole "no sweets, chocolates, and crisps" mantra again but also the "low carb" one (I rarely eat carbs anyway - can't remember the last time I ate rice, pasta etc - so it's not a massive cut).
I have a family holiday soon, and despite being smaller and more toned than the last holiday, I feel so much bigger and insecure.
It's also all inclusive and I'm scared that my graduation dress won't fit and I'll have no time to find a new one as I return on the Monday and graduate Wednesday morning.
I'm just not in a good place with food anymore.
Through my recent binges I put on just over half a stone and I feel huge - I am the biggest I've been all year. I've told mt boyfriend and he says he doesn't care, he loves me regardless of the size I am and what I weight ... but I do care.
I've tried doing it healthy again (exercise and well balanced meals - I lost around 40lbs doing that alone after my son) however I just fail constantly. If I don't exercise I say it's a write off and binge. If I do exercise I don't eat enough.
I woke this morning with the whole "no sweets, chocolates, and crisps" mantra again but also the "low carb" one (I rarely eat carbs anyway - can't remember the last time I ate rice, pasta etc - so it's not a massive cut).
I have a family holiday soon, and despite being smaller and more toned than the last holiday, I feel so much bigger and insecure.
It's also all inclusive and I'm scared that my graduation dress won't fit and I'll have no time to find a new one as I return on the Monday and graduate Wednesday morning.
I'm just not in a good place with food anymore.
Now, I wonder... to those of you that have stated you have a problem - how many of you ACTUALLY talk about it? I mean, of you, how many of you use this thread as their ONLY outlet for the issue?
They say "A problem shared is a problem halved" - I disagree with this. A problem shared is a problem SMASHED - Speaking about the issues you're having with the people closest to you absolutely decimates the worries. And I'm not talking "just touch base", I mean actually be honest, be up-front, truthful, and explicit.
If you feel you're putting on weight at an inordinate rate, if you feel you cannot attend a particular interview, appointment, if there's an upcoming event that is making you nervous or regressing into old habits - speak at length about it. You will suddenly find that, with another person (or people) in awareness of your anxiety, you no longer fixate so strongly on it, and when you do, the other person sees the signs in order to aid stifle it on your behalf.
It's tremendous how many people say they're struggling and have tried everything, but haven't done the most effective, simple thing in the world, and confide their issues in a trustee, a person, a peer.
"I'm overwhelmed and have no idea what to do, I've tried everything" is a common phrase I hear. "What did your mum say when you told her?" "Oh, I don't tell anyone anything about this, it's my problem."
A great little story is "The World is Broken", which is paraphrased from an old tale (I'm sure I've changed a lot of it over the years, I heard it when I was a pup).
A little old man got up, got ready, and went for a walk.
The little old man walked the same road for all of his years. It was a smooth road with many things along the way. He saw a beautiful big oak tree, said hello to his neighbour as he passed by, smiled at the pretty waitress who brought him his cup of tea and chocolate biscuit at the cute lakeside cafe, and finally, his own front door as he returned home for the evening. Every day he saw these things, in order, following the road he always walked.
One day he woke up, turned on his hearing aid, popped in his teeth, put on his glasses and slipped on his favourite shoes, and started walking the road he walked all of his days. Yet the road felt bumpy today. Every step he took, his feet hurt. It was strange. He saw the beautiful big oak tree. But it had a great big crack all the way to the roots! It pained him to see such a flaw in the mighty bark. He shouted hello to his neighbour, but he just seem to ignore him! He went to the cafe and smiled at the pretty waitress, who responded with a frown today - and gave him his tea and chocolate biscuit. But he found they tasted strange and he couldn't eat the biscuit very well either. What was going on?! Whatever was happening today?!
Finally, he walked to his front door, and saw that it too, was broken. His heart sank. The world around him was broken. The beauty in the world was disappearing, and the things he loved each day were no more.
The next day he didn't go out at all. It was so strange and out of character for the man that his neighbour stopped by to see what was wrong.
"The world is broken", the little old man said. "Everything is.... wrong!"
His neighbour chuckled.
"I think I know the problem."
His neighbour walked over to the table with all the old man's things upon them. The hearing aid was out of batteries. The soles on the shoes were worn away. The glasses were cracked, and the false teeth were missing a couple of chompers!
The old man couldn't believe it.
"So the world isn't broken at all!?"
It's a cute story because it shows that all it takes is a skew in your mental perception of things to destroy your whole outlook on life. You start to hear things that weren't said. The way people react to you, you assume they react to you for the wrong, paranoid reasons. Things that looked beautiful before, now look broken. All it takes is for one person to tell you that it's not the world, NOR you, that is broken. It's the equipment you use, the reasoning you use, that's blurred. But when you rely on these tools daily, you never notice that the tools of perception might be askew. It takes a fresh mind, tongue, eye, ear - a different set of tools - to notice a set that's broken in some way.
Right now you're the wee old man, and you're picking out all the flaws in your world, in the things you hold dear. But the world - nor you - are broken. You're just seeing it through broken glasses, with a busted hearing aid, with worn-out shoes, and nobbled old nashers.
They say "A problem shared is a problem halved" - I disagree with this. A problem shared is a problem SMASHED - Speaking about the issues you're having with the people closest to you absolutely decimates the worries. And I'm not talking "just touch base", I mean actually be honest, be up-front, truthful, and explicit.
If you feel you're putting on weight at an inordinate rate, if you feel you cannot attend a particular interview, appointment, if there's an upcoming event that is making you nervous or regressing into old habits - speak at length about it. You will suddenly find that, with another person (or people) in awareness of your anxiety, you no longer fixate so strongly on it, and when you do, the other person sees the signs in order to aid stifle it on your behalf.
It's tremendous how many people say they're struggling and have tried everything, but haven't done the most effective, simple thing in the world, and confide their issues in a trustee, a person, a peer.
"I'm overwhelmed and have no idea what to do, I've tried everything" is a common phrase I hear. "What did your mum say when you told her?" "Oh, I don't tell anyone anything about this, it's my problem."
A great little story is "The World is Broken", which is paraphrased from an old tale (I'm sure I've changed a lot of it over the years, I heard it when I was a pup).
A little old man got up, got ready, and went for a walk.
The little old man walked the same road for all of his years. It was a smooth road with many things along the way. He saw a beautiful big oak tree, said hello to his neighbour as he passed by, smiled at the pretty waitress who brought him his cup of tea and chocolate biscuit at the cute lakeside cafe, and finally, his own front door as he returned home for the evening. Every day he saw these things, in order, following the road he always walked.
One day he woke up, turned on his hearing aid, popped in his teeth, put on his glasses and slipped on his favourite shoes, and started walking the road he walked all of his days. Yet the road felt bumpy today. Every step he took, his feet hurt. It was strange. He saw the beautiful big oak tree. But it had a great big crack all the way to the roots! It pained him to see such a flaw in the mighty bark. He shouted hello to his neighbour, but he just seem to ignore him! He went to the cafe and smiled at the pretty waitress, who responded with a frown today - and gave him his tea and chocolate biscuit. But he found they tasted strange and he couldn't eat the biscuit very well either. What was going on?! Whatever was happening today?!
Finally, he walked to his front door, and saw that it too, was broken. His heart sank. The world around him was broken. The beauty in the world was disappearing, and the things he loved each day were no more.
The next day he didn't go out at all. It was so strange and out of character for the man that his neighbour stopped by to see what was wrong.
"The world is broken", the little old man said. "Everything is.... wrong!"
His neighbour chuckled.
"I think I know the problem."
His neighbour walked over to the table with all the old man's things upon them. The hearing aid was out of batteries. The soles on the shoes were worn away. The glasses were cracked, and the false teeth were missing a couple of chompers!
The old man couldn't believe it.
"So the world isn't broken at all!?"
It's a cute story because it shows that all it takes is a skew in your mental perception of things to destroy your whole outlook on life. You start to hear things that weren't said. The way people react to you, you assume they react to you for the wrong, paranoid reasons. Things that looked beautiful before, now look broken. All it takes is for one person to tell you that it's not the world, NOR you, that is broken. It's the equipment you use, the reasoning you use, that's blurred. But when you rely on these tools daily, you never notice that the tools of perception might be askew. It takes a fresh mind, tongue, eye, ear - a different set of tools - to notice a set that's broken in some way.
Right now you're the wee old man, and you're picking out all the flaws in your world, in the things you hold dear. But the world - nor you - are broken. You're just seeing it through broken glasses, with a busted hearing aid, with worn-out shoes, and nobbled old nashers.
You guys are all so inspirational, simply because you've all got to the stage where you can post on this thread. First step! 
My close friend Sophy used to have an eating disorder. She has issues with her family, and is an EXTREME perfectionist, so started restricting food intake to gain some 'control' over her body (in her words). She was eleven at the time She's still on the thin side now, but we eat with her every day at lunch and if she still does have issues with food, she seems much better with it now. I'm just so proud of her, and it's inspired me to try and grapple with my own issues more (crippling social insecurity/sexuality problems that leave me in a fairly constant bad mental state) because if she managed to fight it then, I can fight mine now.
So know that, guys - even when you feel weak, you're not only inspiring to other people with eating disorders, but people with other problems and issues as well
My close friend Sophy used to have an eating disorder. She has issues with her family, and is an EXTREME perfectionist, so started restricting food intake to gain some 'control' over her body (in her words). She was eleven at the time
She's still on the thin side now, but we eat with her every day at lunch and if she still does have issues with food, she seems much better with it now. I'm just so proud of her, and it's inspired me to try and grapple with my own issues more (crippling social insecurity/sexuality problems that leave me in a fairly constant bad mental state) because if she managed to fight it then, I can fight mine now.So know that, guys - even when you feel weak, you're not only inspiring to other people with eating disorders, but people with other problems and issues as well
