Eating Disorders and life with one - Discussions, Opinions, Advice.
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I totally resonate with the 'addictive personalities' things that have been said above.
What's so hard about an eating disorder, though, is that alcoholism and drug abuse can be combated through abstinence. Eating disorders don't afford this luxury.
What's so hard about an eating disorder, though, is that alcoholism and drug abuse can be combated through abstinence. Eating disorders don't afford this luxury.
Original post by Mackay
I totally resonate with the 'addictive personalities' things that have been said above.
What's so hard about an eating disorder, though, is that alcoholism and drug abuse can be combated through abstinence. Eating disorders don't afford this luxury.
What's so hard about an eating disorder, though, is that alcoholism and drug abuse can be combated through abstinence. Eating disorders don't afford this luxury.
You say it can be combated through abstinence but abstinence is so hard! To be honest I don't know how I stopped being an alcoholic. I drink a lot when I do drink now, but only when I'm socialising/clubbing/partying. I think I just swapped it for sex again but sex is better; you can have lots of sex and be safe.
how did you guys figure out "what normal, healthy people eat"???
i have this conundrum literally every time i go to plan my food for the day. is it normal to have a salad for both lunch and dinner, if you actually really like salad? when you plan to go out for drinks in the evening, do healthy people limit their calories to allow for alcohol calories? is pizza just a treat food or is it an every day kinda thing? is it normal to change what you're having for lunch, even though you like it, because you've already decided what to have for dinner? i get the feeling it's not okay to do these things, but i seriously have not a clue
i don't have a dietician or a meal plan or anything - i tried to go by what my flatmates eat but they don't have regular eating habits so i dont really know :/
it stresses me out so much i end up actually eating the same, low cal things over and over and over again. as in, i'll have the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and feel that thats okay.
i have this conundrum literally every time i go to plan my food for the day. is it normal to have a salad for both lunch and dinner, if you actually really like salad? when you plan to go out for drinks in the evening, do healthy people limit their calories to allow for alcohol calories? is pizza just a treat food or is it an every day kinda thing? is it normal to change what you're having for lunch, even though you like it, because you've already decided what to have for dinner? i get the feeling it's not okay to do these things, but i seriously have not a clue
i don't have a dietician or a meal plan or anything - i tried to go by what my flatmates eat but they don't have regular eating habits so i dont really know :/
it stresses me out so much i end up actually eating the same, low cal things over and over and over again. as in, i'll have the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and feel that thats okay.
Original post by jazzykinks
You say it can be combated through abstinence but abstinence is so hard! To be honest I don't know how I stopped being an alcoholic. I drink a lot when I do drink now, but only when I'm socialising/clubbing/partying. I think I just swapped it for sex again but sex is better; you can have lots of sex and be safe.
Jazzy, I'm sorry! I was by no means trying to trivialize alcoholism...I know abstinence must be absolutely horrible. I was merely saying if worst comes to worst an alcoholic can be locked in a room by concerned relatives with no chance of indulging in his addiction. It would be some of the cruellest love in the world, but it could happen.
It's sort of like the opposite of being force fed if you're anorexic, I guess.
Original post by Anonymous
how did you guys figure out "what normal, healthy people eat"???
i have this conundrum literally every time i go to plan my food for the day. is it normal to have a salad for both lunch and dinner, if you actually really like salad? when you plan to go out for drinks in the evening, do healthy people limit their calories to allow for alcohol calories? is pizza just a treat food or is it an every day kinda thing? is it normal to change what you're having for lunch, even though you like it, because you've already decided what to have for dinner? i get the feeling it's not okay to do these things, but i seriously have not a clue
i don't have a dietician or a meal plan or anything - i tried to go by what my flatmates eat but they don't have regular eating habits so i dont really know :/
it stresses me out so much i end up actually eating the same, low cal things over and over and over again. as in, i'll have the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and feel that thats okay.
i have this conundrum literally every time i go to plan my food for the day. is it normal to have a salad for both lunch and dinner, if you actually really like salad? when you plan to go out for drinks in the evening, do healthy people limit their calories to allow for alcohol calories? is pizza just a treat food or is it an every day kinda thing? is it normal to change what you're having for lunch, even though you like it, because you've already decided what to have for dinner? i get the feeling it's not okay to do these things, but i seriously have not a clue
i don't have a dietician or a meal plan or anything - i tried to go by what my flatmates eat but they don't have regular eating habits so i dont really know :/
it stresses me out so much i end up actually eating the same, low cal things over and over and over again. as in, i'll have the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and feel that thats okay.
This can be difficult. I remember how strange it was when my mum let me take control of what I was eating after recovering. It's a good idea to look at what your mates eat. I would say to stop obsessing over calories and low fat products. Don't bother with them. Try and get variety. What did you like to eat before your ED? Stuff like pizza etc. should be a little treat at the end of the week (I always have some sort of takeaway on a Saturday).
As for drinking and calories in alcohol, I don't eat less. That's dangerous. You need to line your stomach properly before drinking because you could end up being really sick! x
Original post by Anonymous
how did you guys figure out "what normal, healthy people eat"???
i have this conundrum literally every time i go to plan my food for the day. is it normal to have a salad for both lunch and dinner, if you actually really like salad? when you plan to go out for drinks in the evening, do healthy people limit their calories to allow for alcohol calories? is pizza just a treat food or is it an every day kinda thing? is it normal to change what you're having for lunch, even though you like it, because you've already decided what to have for dinner? i get the feeling it's not okay to do these things, but i seriously have not a clue
i don't have a dietician or a meal plan or anything - i tried to go by what my flatmates eat but they don't have regular eating habits so i dont really know :/
it stresses me out so much i end up actually eating the same, low cal things over and over and over again. as in, i'll have the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and feel that thats okay.
i have this conundrum literally every time i go to plan my food for the day. is it normal to have a salad for both lunch and dinner, if you actually really like salad? when you plan to go out for drinks in the evening, do healthy people limit their calories to allow for alcohol calories? is pizza just a treat food or is it an every day kinda thing? is it normal to change what you're having for lunch, even though you like it, because you've already decided what to have for dinner? i get the feeling it's not okay to do these things, but i seriously have not a clue
i don't have a dietician or a meal plan or anything - i tried to go by what my flatmates eat but they don't have regular eating habits so i dont really know :/
it stresses me out so much i end up actually eating the same, low cal things over and over and over again. as in, i'll have the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and feel that thats okay.
I think this is a really common thing. I struggled with it too.
I guess what it boils down to is that - anyone - literally ANYONE - who frets and thinks about food this much has massively disordered thinking. What does a normal person eat? Does it matter if you have salad for two meals? If you even question whether it is normal, the chances are your thinking isn't normal. People without eating disorders don't think about eating...they just simply eat. You know?
I'm still in the refeeding process (still not quite up to my lowest acceptable BMI point but not far off) and I still have relatively 'safe foods'. I found it really helpful to have a dietician, though. I'm at university and there's no way I could have lived with my flat-mates' diets. When recovering you need as much structure, support and expertise as possible I think.
Original post by Mackay
Jazzy, I'm sorry! I was by no means trying to trivialize alcoholism...I know abstinence must be absolutely horrible. I was merely saying if worst comes to worst an alcoholic can be locked in a room by concerned relatives with no chance of indulging in his addiction. It would be some of the cruellest love in the world, but it could happen.
It's sort of like the opposite of being force fed if you're anorexic, I guess.
It's sort of like the opposite of being force fed if you're anorexic, I guess.
Oh no! I didn't mean to sound angry, I wasn't. I was just saying
Abstinence is awful. I don't condone it. I kind of just cut down to drinking every other day, then just drinking on weekends and Friday. Now we're at the stage where I'm in control of my drinking -- this all happened a few years ago after recovering from the ED (I must say, cider and wine definitely helped me gain weight and get healthy LOL, ironic).
Yeah, I get you. Being fed when you're anorexic is PAINFUL. Like you have to go through so much just to have a little bite of something. You know people are trying to help but you don't want that help. You're just so scared, confused. You want to get better but you don' t want to eat but you HAVE to. I still have my diaries from when I was recovering and when I read them I cry because of everything I went through. x
I don't want to sound insulting in any capacity, but this is totally typical. In fact, so typical, it's by-the-books kinda stuff!
You latch onto a specific criteria for intake and outgoing. Through a carefully-crafted, channel-like process, you eradicate certain foods and drinks, and completely narrow your outlook on what it is to "eat".
Eating no longer becomes fuel or energy, it becomes this arbitrary commodity. You forget taste, you forget experience. All that's left is units, numbers, calculations.
Tell me if this sounds unfamiliar: A man goes out with his friends. He drinks eight pints of lager, then staggers to the kebab shop and has a portion of chips with Donnermeat and sauce.
Yeah, that's unfamiliar to you, right? Let me rephrase.
A man spends the entire day fretting about going out. He'll have to eat and drink. He'll be taking in all night. Does he abstain all day to make up for it? Does he write off the entire day as some kind of nightmare day?! He goes out. 210. 210. That's 2 pints of beer, and that makes his intake 1420. 210. Holy crap, this is getting nuts. I'm consuming a normal amount of calories soon. 210. I'm drunk and I've had 1840 calories but now I'm hungry and inhibited. This is what I feared. What do I do?! The eating disorder still has a hold on me, so even drunk, I know how to beat normality. "I'm okay, I'm not hungry", you say, as everyone else gets chips. "Can I have one?" You ask, counting 30 for every chip you take. When you wake in the morning, you think, you can at least go to the gym.
You have eaten less than the majority of people in the world, yet you believe you have spent the day failing.
The first person sees the best night out ever. The second sees merely failure and heartache.
There is no "normality" other than that which you believe yourself!
You latch onto a specific criteria for intake and outgoing. Through a carefully-crafted, channel-like process, you eradicate certain foods and drinks, and completely narrow your outlook on what it is to "eat".
Eating no longer becomes fuel or energy, it becomes this arbitrary commodity. You forget taste, you forget experience. All that's left is units, numbers, calculations.
Tell me if this sounds unfamiliar: A man goes out with his friends. He drinks eight pints of lager, then staggers to the kebab shop and has a portion of chips with Donnermeat and sauce.
Yeah, that's unfamiliar to you, right? Let me rephrase.
A man spends the entire day fretting about going out. He'll have to eat and drink. He'll be taking in all night. Does he abstain all day to make up for it? Does he write off the entire day as some kind of nightmare day?! He goes out. 210. 210. That's 2 pints of beer, and that makes his intake 1420. 210. Holy crap, this is getting nuts. I'm consuming a normal amount of calories soon. 210. I'm drunk and I've had 1840 calories but now I'm hungry and inhibited. This is what I feared. What do I do?! The eating disorder still has a hold on me, so even drunk, I know how to beat normality. "I'm okay, I'm not hungry", you say, as everyone else gets chips. "Can I have one?" You ask, counting 30 for every chip you take. When you wake in the morning, you think, you can at least go to the gym.
You have eaten less than the majority of people in the world, yet you believe you have spent the day failing.
The first person sees the best night out ever. The second sees merely failure and heartache.
There is no "normality" other than that which you believe yourself!
thanks for replying everyone
i haven't officially been diagnosed with an ED, i haven't even been to see a doctor about it. my parents know nothing about it. one friend at home knows a small amount but not everything, and my counsellor only knows that i cant stop thinking about food (her advice for that, was to get a hobby. so i took up crochet - and guess what, now i can crochet and create recipes at the same time! haha) but i know i need to get a handle on my eating now because its affecting my degree.
because i spent so long restricting severely, then moved back to uni where i had to feed myself for the first time (i was in catered halls last year) and started binging really heavily for the first time ever, i feel like just the simple act of eating triggers me to binge, so i question myself every time i eat. literally all day is spent going - "hmm, im hungry, i have bananas in my cupboard, i could have one as a snack. oh, but i had breakfast two hours ago, normal people wouldn't feel hungry at this point during the day, normal people wouldn't have a snack now, this must not be real hunger, this must be the start of a binge, you'd better not have that banana" and then "well, its lunch time now, and i avoided that banana, so i deserve to treat myself for being so good and avoiding that binge, so you can have this salad. and this piece of bread. and this cookie. oh and a banana and this and that.... oh crap, i've just eaten a week's worth of food for lunch"
thing is, i've tried watching what my flatmates eat, and if anything, it made me worse. the flatmate i'm closest to has some very suspicious eating habits - she's told me doctors have tried to diagnose her with an eating disorder before, because she "forgets" to eat for days at a time, and then makes up for it by having incredibly calorie dense things every now and then - and i felt the need to compete with her. i must have a smaller plate of food than her. i can only eat when she eats. would she eat this meal? is she judging me for this meal? i bet she's phoning home and telling her parents about her flatmate who eats non-stop. so i gave up on that front, before it got unbearable.
before all this i was legitimately overweight, so i've associated all the food i used to eat with how i looked, and now the idea of sitting down to a previously loved meal like toad in the hole or spaghetti bolognese is just not in my horizon, especially when i have to eat alone or with friends who are eating less than me
i learnt that i needed to line my stomach the hard way, i'm afraid! my first night out after coming back to uni was simultaneously the most drunk i've ever been and the most ill i've ever been.
i just wish i could go back to being the kind of person who could just eat happily and not think too hard about it.
i don't need to gain weight (this isnt a disordered thought - i'm at a healthy BMI at the moment) so even if i went to a doctor about it, im not sure whether i'd qualify for a dietician anyway, or even whether they'd take me seriously.
the thing i'm beginning to question is whether once somebody starts to think and behave like person two, will they ever return to being like person one? yes, they can gain weight, and develop healthy eating habits, and enjoy food and appreciate themselves more, but will they ever stop counting and comparing? when something takes over your mind and your life so humongously, does it ever go away?
i haven't officially been diagnosed with an ED, i haven't even been to see a doctor about it. my parents know nothing about it. one friend at home knows a small amount but not everything, and my counsellor only knows that i cant stop thinking about food (her advice for that, was to get a hobby. so i took up crochet - and guess what, now i can crochet and create recipes at the same time! haha) but i know i need to get a handle on my eating now because its affecting my degree.
because i spent so long restricting severely, then moved back to uni where i had to feed myself for the first time (i was in catered halls last year) and started binging really heavily for the first time ever, i feel like just the simple act of eating triggers me to binge, so i question myself every time i eat. literally all day is spent going - "hmm, im hungry, i have bananas in my cupboard, i could have one as a snack. oh, but i had breakfast two hours ago, normal people wouldn't feel hungry at this point during the day, normal people wouldn't have a snack now, this must not be real hunger, this must be the start of a binge, you'd better not have that banana" and then "well, its lunch time now, and i avoided that banana, so i deserve to treat myself for being so good and avoiding that binge, so you can have this salad. and this piece of bread. and this cookie. oh and a banana and this and that.... oh crap, i've just eaten a week's worth of food for lunch"
Original post by jazzykinks
This can be difficult. I remember how strange it was when my mum let me take control of what I was eating after recovering. It's a good idea to look at what your mates eat. I would say to stop obsessing over calories and low fat products. Don't bother with them. Try and get variety. What did you like to eat before your ED? Stuff like pizza etc. should be a little treat at the end of the week (I always have some sort of takeaway on a Saturday).
As for drinking and calories in alcohol, I don't eat less. That's dangerous. You need to line your stomach properly before drinking because you could end up being really sick! x
As for drinking and calories in alcohol, I don't eat less. That's dangerous. You need to line your stomach properly before drinking because you could end up being really sick! x
thing is, i've tried watching what my flatmates eat, and if anything, it made me worse. the flatmate i'm closest to has some very suspicious eating habits - she's told me doctors have tried to diagnose her with an eating disorder before, because she "forgets" to eat for days at a time, and then makes up for it by having incredibly calorie dense things every now and then - and i felt the need to compete with her. i must have a smaller plate of food than her. i can only eat when she eats. would she eat this meal? is she judging me for this meal? i bet she's phoning home and telling her parents about her flatmate who eats non-stop. so i gave up on that front, before it got unbearable.
before all this i was legitimately overweight, so i've associated all the food i used to eat with how i looked, and now the idea of sitting down to a previously loved meal like toad in the hole or spaghetti bolognese is just not in my horizon, especially when i have to eat alone or with friends who are eating less than me
i learnt that i needed to line my stomach the hard way, i'm afraid! my first night out after coming back to uni was simultaneously the most drunk i've ever been and the most ill i've ever been.
Original post by Mackay
I think this is a really common thing. I struggled with it too.
I guess what it boils down to is that - anyone - literally ANYONE - who frets and thinks about food this much has massively disordered thinking. What does a normal person eat? Does it matter if you have salad for two meals? If you even question whether it is normal, the chances are your thinking isn't normal. People without eating disorders don't think about eating...they just simply eat. You know?
I'm still in the refeeding process (still not quite up to my lowest acceptable BMI point but not far off) and I still have relatively 'safe foods'. I found it really helpful to have a dietician, though. I'm at university and there's no way I could have lived with my flat-mates' diets. When recovering you need as much structure, support and expertise as possible I think.
I guess what it boils down to is that - anyone - literally ANYONE - who frets and thinks about food this much has massively disordered thinking. What does a normal person eat? Does it matter if you have salad for two meals? If you even question whether it is normal, the chances are your thinking isn't normal. People without eating disorders don't think about eating...they just simply eat. You know?
I'm still in the refeeding process (still not quite up to my lowest acceptable BMI point but not far off) and I still have relatively 'safe foods'. I found it really helpful to have a dietician, though. I'm at university and there's no way I could have lived with my flat-mates' diets. When recovering you need as much structure, support and expertise as possible I think.
i just wish i could go back to being the kind of person who could just eat happily and not think too hard about it.
i don't need to gain weight (this isnt a disordered thought - i'm at a healthy BMI at the moment) so even if i went to a doctor about it, im not sure whether i'd qualify for a dietician anyway, or even whether they'd take me seriously.
Original post by TotoMimo
I don't want to sound insulting in any capacity, but this is totally typical. In fact, so typical, it's by-the-books kinda stuff!
You latch onto a specific criteria for intake and outgoing. Through a carefully-crafted, channel-like process, you eradicate certain foods and drinks, and completely narrow your outlook on what it is to "eat".
Eating no longer becomes fuel or energy, it becomes this arbitrary commodity. You forget taste, you forget experience. All that's left is units, numbers, calculations.
Tell me if this sounds unfamiliar: A man goes out with his friends. He drinks eight pints of lager, then staggers to the kebab shop and has a portion of chips with Donnermeat and sauce.
Yeah, that's unfamiliar to you, right? Let me rephrase.
A man spends the entire day fretting about going out. He'll have to eat and drink. He'll be taking in all night. Does he abstain all day to make up for it? Does he write off the entire day as some kind of nightmare day?! He goes out. 210. 210. That's 2 pints of beer, and that makes his intake 1420. 210. Holy crap, this is getting nuts. I'm consuming a normal amount of calories soon. 210. I'm drunk and I've had 1840 calories but now I'm hungry and inhibited. This is what I feared. What do I do?! The eating disorder still has a hold on me, so even drunk, I know how to beat normality. "I'm okay, I'm not hungry", you say, as everyone else gets chips. "Can I have one?" You ask, counting 30 for every chip you take. When you wake in the morning, you think, you can at least go to the gym.
You have eaten less than the majority of people in the world, yet you believe you have spent the day failing.
The first person sees the best night out ever. The second sees merely failure and heartache.
There is no "normality" other than that which you believe yourself!
You latch onto a specific criteria for intake and outgoing. Through a carefully-crafted, channel-like process, you eradicate certain foods and drinks, and completely narrow your outlook on what it is to "eat".
Eating no longer becomes fuel or energy, it becomes this arbitrary commodity. You forget taste, you forget experience. All that's left is units, numbers, calculations.
Tell me if this sounds unfamiliar: A man goes out with his friends. He drinks eight pints of lager, then staggers to the kebab shop and has a portion of chips with Donnermeat and sauce.
Yeah, that's unfamiliar to you, right? Let me rephrase.
A man spends the entire day fretting about going out. He'll have to eat and drink. He'll be taking in all night. Does he abstain all day to make up for it? Does he write off the entire day as some kind of nightmare day?! He goes out. 210. 210. That's 2 pints of beer, and that makes his intake 1420. 210. Holy crap, this is getting nuts. I'm consuming a normal amount of calories soon. 210. I'm drunk and I've had 1840 calories but now I'm hungry and inhibited. This is what I feared. What do I do?! The eating disorder still has a hold on me, so even drunk, I know how to beat normality. "I'm okay, I'm not hungry", you say, as everyone else gets chips. "Can I have one?" You ask, counting 30 for every chip you take. When you wake in the morning, you think, you can at least go to the gym.
You have eaten less than the majority of people in the world, yet you believe you have spent the day failing.
The first person sees the best night out ever. The second sees merely failure and heartache.
There is no "normality" other than that which you believe yourself!
the thing i'm beginning to question is whether once somebody starts to think and behave like person two, will they ever return to being like person one? yes, they can gain weight, and develop healthy eating habits, and enjoy food and appreciate themselves more, but will they ever stop counting and comparing? when something takes over your mind and your life so humongously, does it ever go away?
Original post by Anonymous
when something takes over your mind and your life so humongously, does it ever go away?
I live in hope that it one day does. X
Hi all. I'm Jamie, I have been reading this thread and thought I would introduce myself.
I am a 29 year old guy who developed a bit of an eating disorder although I should say that it was a lot milder than a lot of the stuff I am reading here and also a tad atypical.
I say atypical because it had nothing to do with body image/weight and I have never counted calories/consciously restricted food amount or type and have rarely weighed myself. In fact, the relationship with food only got a bit confusing/weird well after I had a problem.
Basically, I have been suffering with depression and seem to have got 'pure' anorexia as a symptom. When I say pure, I mean i literally had anorexia (i.e. no appetite) rather than anorexia nervosa with its associated disturbed thought processes and compulsions with regard to food.
Essentially, I just started forgetting or not being bothered to eat very regularly. I guess I sort of noticed I was losing weight but I wasn't looking after myself in other ways, had other problems and wasn't that concerned. However, as a small guy anyway, this lead to people being pretty concerned as the unhealthy state I was in soon started to show on the outside. I just got underweight and looked gaunt and my hair was falling out.
Up until that stage, I really hadn't thought about food intake much at all. I was always being nagged at home by my (now ex) girlfriend to eat something and I always would but I guess because I was out so much, it wasn't enough. I was responding to be told to eat and when directed I would stuff my face with whatever was being offered, often feeling uncomfortably full and sick. I started to develop a bit of a complex about being underweight and tried half heartedly to eat more but I didn't do it properly. Instead of trying to eat regular meals and good/varied food, I basically just tried to eat a lot on the occasions I did eat but always went for the easiest options (e.g. takeaway/biscuits/bananas/bread and butter) because I didn't really have a taste for much or the desire to take the time to make myself healthy and cook or sit down to a good meal.
I think the solution to my problem came through taking antidepressants which seemed to restore my appetite. I managed to put a very good amount of weight back on and am now, although not exactly healthy, at least a good weight. That said, another side to things was that people around me started cooking for me and making sure I ate.
I should say at this point that I am not meaning to trivialise what people are going through here even if inadvertently. I know I didn't have an eating disorder in the normally understood meaning of the term but technically it has been a part of my illness, even if not a severe one. I guess the reason I am posting here is that throughout the last ten years, I have had a very bad compulsive gambling problem so although I haven't had compulsive thoughts related to food/restriction - I have had compulsions and disordered thinking about many other aspects of life. In a sense, I think this means I need to be vigilant about eating and keep on top of it because I am liable to be compulsive and get into disordered thinking and obsessive behaviour about things.
My relationship with food is now a bit screwed up, in a sense because I am forced to think about it. I got kicked out of my flat and am staying at my mums at the moment so I am getting good home-cooked meals but still sort of 'don't know what to eat' unless someone else cooks or tells me. If I am not fed then I often don't really have a 'taste' for anything and will just eat plain bread out of the bag or anything in the fridge or cupboard that doesn't need any preparation or much opening.
Anyway, I am rambling on now so I will stop there but will probably come and check back in here.
I am a 29 year old guy who developed a bit of an eating disorder although I should say that it was a lot milder than a lot of the stuff I am reading here and also a tad atypical.
I say atypical because it had nothing to do with body image/weight and I have never counted calories/consciously restricted food amount or type and have rarely weighed myself. In fact, the relationship with food only got a bit confusing/weird well after I had a problem.
Basically, I have been suffering with depression and seem to have got 'pure' anorexia as a symptom. When I say pure, I mean i literally had anorexia (i.e. no appetite) rather than anorexia nervosa with its associated disturbed thought processes and compulsions with regard to food.
Essentially, I just started forgetting or not being bothered to eat very regularly. I guess I sort of noticed I was losing weight but I wasn't looking after myself in other ways, had other problems and wasn't that concerned. However, as a small guy anyway, this lead to people being pretty concerned as the unhealthy state I was in soon started to show on the outside. I just got underweight and looked gaunt and my hair was falling out.
Up until that stage, I really hadn't thought about food intake much at all. I was always being nagged at home by my (now ex) girlfriend to eat something and I always would but I guess because I was out so much, it wasn't enough. I was responding to be told to eat and when directed I would stuff my face with whatever was being offered, often feeling uncomfortably full and sick. I started to develop a bit of a complex about being underweight and tried half heartedly to eat more but I didn't do it properly. Instead of trying to eat regular meals and good/varied food, I basically just tried to eat a lot on the occasions I did eat but always went for the easiest options (e.g. takeaway/biscuits/bananas/bread and butter) because I didn't really have a taste for much or the desire to take the time to make myself healthy and cook or sit down to a good meal.
I think the solution to my problem came through taking antidepressants which seemed to restore my appetite. I managed to put a very good amount of weight back on and am now, although not exactly healthy, at least a good weight. That said, another side to things was that people around me started cooking for me and making sure I ate.
I should say at this point that I am not meaning to trivialise what people are going through here even if inadvertently. I know I didn't have an eating disorder in the normally understood meaning of the term but technically it has been a part of my illness, even if not a severe one. I guess the reason I am posting here is that throughout the last ten years, I have had a very bad compulsive gambling problem so although I haven't had compulsive thoughts related to food/restriction - I have had compulsions and disordered thinking about many other aspects of life. In a sense, I think this means I need to be vigilant about eating and keep on top of it because I am liable to be compulsive and get into disordered thinking and obsessive behaviour about things.
My relationship with food is now a bit screwed up, in a sense because I am forced to think about it. I got kicked out of my flat and am staying at my mums at the moment so I am getting good home-cooked meals but still sort of 'don't know what to eat' unless someone else cooks or tells me. If I am not fed then I often don't really have a 'taste' for anything and will just eat plain bread out of the bag or anything in the fridge or cupboard that doesn't need any preparation or much opening.
Anyway, I am rambling on now so I will stop there but will probably come and check back in here.
I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with power, control, improvement, status and dominance that permeates the whole of my life and gives me a massive inferiority complex.
Something akin to if I'm Superman, I'd be unhappy and feel inadequate because I wasn't SuperGod. And on the cycle goes.
Hard to break as I feel the entirety of Western civilisation is based off competition.
This isn't natural for me, I enjoy the quiet moments of life :/
Something akin to if I'm Superman, I'd be unhappy and feel inadequate because I wasn't SuperGod. And on the cycle goes.
Hard to break as I feel the entirety of Western civilisation is based off competition.
This isn't natural for me, I enjoy the quiet moments of life :/
I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with power, control, improvement, status and dominance that permeates the whole of my life and gives me a massive inferiority complex.
Something akin to if I'm Superman, I'd be unhappy and feel inadequate because I wasn't SuperGod. And on the cycle goes.
Hard to break as I feel the entirety of Western civilisation is based off competition.
This isn't natural for me, I enjoy the quiet moments of life :/
Something akin to if I'm Superman, I'd be unhappy and feel inadequate because I wasn't SuperGod. And on the cycle goes.
Hard to break as I feel the entirety of Western civilisation is based off competition.
This isn't natural for me, I enjoy the quiet moments of life :/
I've got an endoscope coming up to test from celiac disease within the next few weeks. I'm terrified I might've caused damage to my GI tract through my bulimia. (I dreamt about it the other night .. haha). If they notice it, will they ask me about it? I haven't consulted any professionals with regards to my eating issues, i'm worried as to what they might say?
Hi everyone,
I have been following this thread for a while now. I believe I had anorexia in my first year of university, although I was never officially diagnosed because I denied it. I finally told my tutor at university just over a year in (which was this time last year), and with her support I was able to sort it out before it got very dangerous.
I guess what I wanted to say is, keep going. I know how it feels, especially when some of you are also struggling with other things (I'm at the tail end of depression as we speak). But I promise you, it is worth it. You can be kinder to yourself, you can do exactly what your friends are doing, because you are worth that. It has taken me a long time to realise that, but I'm now feeling better than I have in a long time because I am able to enjoy myself and concentrate on being me. A part of me was lost for a while, but now it has returned and I am happier now than I have ever been.
I'm not perfect. I get stressed, make stupid mistakes and say and do really embarrassing things in public. But I don't care, because that's who I am. I'm happy. I am able to allow myself to do what I want. Because I deserve that, and so do you all.
I have been following this thread for a while now. I believe I had anorexia in my first year of university, although I was never officially diagnosed because I denied it. I finally told my tutor at university just over a year in (which was this time last year), and with her support I was able to sort it out before it got very dangerous.
I guess what I wanted to say is, keep going. I know how it feels, especially when some of you are also struggling with other things (I'm at the tail end of depression as we speak). But I promise you, it is worth it. You can be kinder to yourself, you can do exactly what your friends are doing, because you are worth that. It has taken me a long time to realise that, but I'm now feeling better than I have in a long time because I am able to enjoy myself and concentrate on being me. A part of me was lost for a while, but now it has returned and I am happier now than I have ever been.
I'm not perfect. I get stressed, make stupid mistakes and say and do really embarrassing things in public. But I don't care, because that's who I am. I'm happy. I am able to allow myself to do what I want. Because I deserve that, and so do you all.
Confused about eating at the moment. Been up since about 1.30am and am not exactly hungry but just have a vague feeling that I should eat something. Have only had one meal, a bowl of soup and some fruit and a yoghurt over the past few days but I still don't seem to have much of an appetite. Tried to eat a biscuit but couldn't even eat a whole one - maybe it was just too dry.
Starting to get confused again though. I mean, I know I am not eating enough but what should I eat and when? It is not even 5am now, should I wait and have something later? Will I be able to stomach something then?
Shouldn't have to think about this so much. Could do with having someone tell me what to eat and when but I don't want to burden my mum with this since I am staying here rent free and she is now in control of doling out my pills and encouraging me to get showered and dressed each day.
Starting to get confused again though. I mean, I know I am not eating enough but what should I eat and when? It is not even 5am now, should I wait and have something later? Will I be able to stomach something then?
Shouldn't have to think about this so much. Could do with having someone tell me what to eat and when but I don't want to burden my mum with this since I am staying here rent free and she is now in control of doling out my pills and encouraging me to get showered and dressed each day.
Jay, I would implore you to forget what you know about the concept of "hunger" at this early stage. Your body is numb to these sensations and if you only eat when genuinely "hungry", you'll hardly eat at this point.
This stage of recovery is robotic and mechanical, which is good as the disorder functions in a similar manner. Calculations are our bread and butter, and as such you must ensure you take in a daily minimum of calories like a basic addition exercise.
A five year old boy requires between 1750 and 1850 calories a day. At a healthy weight, you will find you maintain at between 1900 and 2600 calories per day (of course, people that say they require only 1200 or some such nonsense will likely not maintain their weight on a higher amount because they themselves are not within the healthy weight band, but rather lower than their body's natural equilibrium point.)
I would suggest you should try to calculate at least 2000 calories per day - even if it's a big glass of milk at night, or a few biscuits to make up the numbers, you should attempt to achieve this. If you feel sickly or too full, don't give up. This is your body's uncomfortable readjustment phase and it is likely to feel overwhelming at first. That's normal.
Only after your stomach gets readjusted to normal intake will your peptic acids reactivate properly and after a while, you'll notice stomach grumbles - and before too long, you'll experience hunger again.
Good luck, and all my love.
This stage of recovery is robotic and mechanical, which is good as the disorder functions in a similar manner. Calculations are our bread and butter, and as such you must ensure you take in a daily minimum of calories like a basic addition exercise.
A five year old boy requires between 1750 and 1850 calories a day. At a healthy weight, you will find you maintain at between 1900 and 2600 calories per day (of course, people that say they require only 1200 or some such nonsense will likely not maintain their weight on a higher amount because they themselves are not within the healthy weight band, but rather lower than their body's natural equilibrium point.)
I would suggest you should try to calculate at least 2000 calories per day - even if it's a big glass of milk at night, or a few biscuits to make up the numbers, you should attempt to achieve this. If you feel sickly or too full, don't give up. This is your body's uncomfortable readjustment phase and it is likely to feel overwhelming at first. That's normal.
Only after your stomach gets readjusted to normal intake will your peptic acids reactivate properly and after a while, you'll notice stomach grumbles - and before too long, you'll experience hunger again.
Good luck, and all my love.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by TotoMimo
Jay, I would implore you to forget what you know about the concept of "hunger" at this early stage. Your body is numb to these sensations and if you only eat when genuinely "hungry", you'll hardly eat at this point.
Jay, I would implore you to forget what you know about the concept of "hunger" at this early stage. Your body is numb to these sensations and if you only eat when genuinely "hungry", you'll hardly eat at this point.
Yes, this sums it up quite well - there is basically a disconnect between "hunger" and need for sustenance.
This stage of recovery is robotic and mechanical, which is good as the disorder functions in a similar manner. Calculations are our bread and butter, and as such you must ensure you take in a daily minimum of calories like a basic addition exercise.
A five year old boy requires between 1750 and 1850 calories a day. At a healthy weight, you will find you maintain at between 1900 and 2600 calories per day (of course, people that say they require only 1200 or some such nonsense will likely not maintain their weight on a higher amount because they themselves are not within the healthy weight band, but rather lower than their body's natural equilibrium point.)
I would suggest you should try to calculate at least 2000 calories per day - even if it's a big glass of milk at night, or a few biscuits to make up the numbers, you should attempt to achieve this. If you feel sickly or too full, don't give up. This is your body's uncomfortable readjustment phase and it is likely to feel overwhelming at first. That's normal.
Only after your stomach gets readjusted to normal intake will your peptic acids reactivate properly and after a while, you'll notice stomach grumbles - and before too long, you'll experience hunger again.
Good luck, and all my love.
Thanks for your kind comments and advice. I should clarify here though. My problem at the moment is sort of atypical and milder than most of the stuff I am reading here.
To sum up, basically, my main problem is depression. Loss of appetite and subsequent weight loss was essentially just a symptom of that. I ended up losing the ability to sleep when I needed to sleep and feel like eating as often as I needed to eat. I think the first quoted part above describes it quite well. I started shedding weight not out of compulsion to do so but unconsciously. I am only small anyway, so it became apparent and I was also getting freezing cold the whole time and to be frank, unable to find wood. So when I first sought medical help - I think this was one of the primary concerns and also of my partner at the time.
In the end, the pills I went on had the affect of restoring appetite and I was able to put on a decent amount of weight fairly quickly, bringing me back into a healthy range within a few months. Basically, even though I feel like I avoided serious problems, as in no permanent damage - it sort of screwed with my head a little bit and I am left with an uncertainty about what I am doing eating wise. Unlike most people here I never really planned my eating in my life and only have a vague idea of what calories are (I couldn't tell you how many are in any given food). It worked naturally before as in just ate any old ****e when it occured to me and now it doesn't work naturally.
I suppose I am concerned as my other major problem and connected with the depression is a pretty large scale compulsive gambling habit which I am overcoming. Reading through some of this thread, I can relate to a lot of it in that a lot of what I see that happened to people is an obsessive compulsion to do something self destructive with a mixture of delusion as to the harm it causes and sheer resignation or compulsion to do it anyway. That is basically my issue with gambling. I suppose that makes me very nervous thinking too much about food and my eating because I worry I am predisposed to getting screwed up about these things. It was kind of alarming how I just stopped eating much for such a long period of time and I don't want it to happen again. My weight is ok but my body is still a bit ****ed.
Have recently been on a bit of a dip with depression and medication issues and I basically noticed that I had stopped eating again. Just trying to arrest it and sort it out.
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Anyway, back to your advice. Milk is a great idea since it actually seems to settle my stomach sometimes anyway, think yoghurt may be good as well.
With regard to the calorie thing, I sort of don't even want to get into all of that but I reckon I will just try to plan out some sort of meal schedule and base the amount off what my stepdad eats which should surely be enough. Even if I just stick to three meals of anything a day it will be an improvement.
With the peptic acid thing, I actually noticed before - I was given a plate of spag bol and I really didn't want it, in part because aside from not feeling hungry - I am quite acidy but I made a decent attempt at it and it didn't help the acid but it also didn't make it any worse so perhaps I just need to push myself a bit beyond the comfort zone since I (hopefully) won't actually be sick even if I feel it a bit.
starting to get really scared about going home for christmas in two weeks. obviously theres the christmas dinner to negotiate, but mainly it's that the only reason i've had a steady calorie intake this semester (low, but just enough) is because i've been able to eat only the kind of meals i feel comfortable with - i live off weetabix, porridge, soup and salads (porridge in particular, i'll have that for all three meals sometimes). i don't freak out and purge over these meals, and i do explore ways of changing them up, so changing the veg or the protein source in my salads. however, my family at home eat a combination of very british meals and very asian meals, so loads of potatoes, rice, noodles, pasta, red meat, thick + creamy sauces - basically everything i no longer eat. and the more i think about it, the more i panic about it, and i just know its all going to end in a panic attack at the dinner table infront of my whole family when i'm presented with what used to be my favourite meal (steak + chips) because thats what we always have for dinner when i come back from uni. just erghhh. i'm sooo looking forward to seeing my family, i just hate how that anticipation is being tarnished by this crap
Made the jump to get counselling at uni before I destroy my relationship with my SO and any chances of one after it (should it come to that) TSR will be glad to know since apparently I'm a troll (sigh)
I don't think I've done any red flag things to her, but it's the accumulation of all that time worrying and not doing other stuff which might be a turn-off if she catches on to it.
TSR will be glad to know since apparently I'm a troll (sigh)I don't think I've done any red flag things to her, but it's the accumulation of all that time worrying and not doing other stuff which might be a turn-off if she catches on to it.
