A stay at home mum&#x27;s &#x27;&#x27;salary&#x27;&#x27; should be almost 120k/year

Original post by StevieA

Most women do want to stay at home but few can afford it these days.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2199539/75-new-mothers-stay-home-bring-child-afford-to.html

And you're right, women are torn between their natural instincts and modern social constructions promoted by ideologies like feminism.

I would say that if a worldwide poll was taken, men and women, parents or not, there would be at least 75% saying they would stay at home if money was no issue. That is because few people want to work (especially if they don't have their dream job). This is not because of some in-built evolutionary function of women wanting to fulfill their 'natural instincts', it is merely people not wanting to work.

Reply 26

cole-slaw

Yeah, but I do half of that stuff ON TOP OF my job.

Reply 27

yo radical one

6

As stupid as that picture is, I have no clue why a normal, healthy person would become so enraged at it.

Reply 28

Original post by Emememily733

I don't really know why nowadays it's looked down on so much, being a stay at home mum.. often people who have full-time jobs are just paying nannies and nursery nurses to look after their children during the day, which I'm not faulting them for, I'm just saying looking after children is a full-time job so why applaud the nursery nurses yet not the mums?

I think its because stay at home mums constantly seem intent on vastly overstating the role they play on society. Nursery nurses childminders etc look after a bajollion kids, stay at home mums one or two. And when the government proposed that families where all adults work full time should get help with childcare, the stay at home mums were rabid with anger even though they have no need for childcare, ie the whole point of staying at home. Its their 'I'm a martyr' attitude - 'I gave up my career to look after my kids' and how many seem to think it makes them a better parent, when not everyone can afford to do that! Or would necessarily want to if they could, doesn't make them less of a parent if someone feels they don't need to spend 24/7 with their child.

Also, lots of couples who work full-time have cleaners,

I think you'll find couples with cleaners are very much in the minority!

so that minimises their household chores..
I think it's really sad how nowadays stay at home mums are really looked down upon by lots of people, my mum became one when I was born, but for all the years leading up to that she'd worked full-time (she had me late in life) - and then a few years back she started getting work again, this time self-employed, so I don't think just because someone's a stay at home mum means that they're discredited as an individual, I think it gives them more credit - if they can afford to do it ofc.

And this is where the problem lies. There is nothing good (or bad) about being a stay at home mum. It is sureley a choice you make based on what you think is going to be best for your kids and what you prefer. It is, essentially, a selfish decision and not one that needs lauding about as some superior choice constantly.

I appreciate it's just not financially possible for lots of people, but if it is, why is it any less of a responsibility, job and privilege than any other job? I'm really grateful that my mum was always around growing up.

And I'm really glad that both my parents worked full time, payed my way through a good standard of living at Uni, funded my masters and were able to save all my child support for the future when I really needed it. It also allowed them to move out of our one bed home. And made me the person I am today - gregarious, extraverted and social with loads of friends. I was constantly around other kids growing up and I loved it. That would never have happened if mum had given up work.

I feel like girls nowadays are being pulled in a thousand directions, career, mum, cleaner, cook, entertainer, feminist, girly-girl.. but does being all of that at the same time make someone happy? I'd rather be good at one thing than so-so with ten things. I'm not saying I want to be a stay at home mum for the record, I don't really know who I want to be right now, but I'm defending it as a life choice just as much as any other.

Its easy enough to sacrifice one. I'm not going to have kids but I kick ass at everything else :tongue:

Actually that's a lie, I'm a terrible cleaner, that's my partners job...

Reply 29

cole-slaw

Its also very sexist, what about stay-at-home dads?

Reply 30

Original post by cole-slaw

Yeah, but I do half of that stuff ON TOP OF my job.

Yeah this is how I feel. When I was working I did all the cooking, cleaning, household organising, picked my partner up from work most evenings, essentially ran the household and worked a 35-40 hour week. Now I'm not working I'm like how the hell did I fit everything in?!?

Reply 31

Original post by cole-slaw

Its also very sexist, what about stay-at-home dads?

Also spot on, that's another thing I feel about the stay at home mums movement, it always seem to exclude stay at home dads. It smacks of desperation, a 'need to be valued' beyond what should matter - being valued by their child and partner. After all that is what should drive someone to be a stay at home mum, not being seen as someone special in society.

Reply 32

nohomo

They should be called "Stay at home bums"

Using the word "mum" implies they're more of a "mum" than a "career woman" with kids, when arguably the career woman is setting a better example by going out and doing something interesting.

Reply 33

caravaggio2

17

Apart from the fact you are doing it for yourself and your family, the job is a piece of piss. Women regularly massivly over play the job. It comes from the media constantly massaging their egos .
Bill Burr put it well , Sny job you can do all day in your pajamas isnt the most difficult job in the world.
Oh, and If you think stay at home mums are looked down upon try being a stay at home dad.

Reply 34

StevieA

OP

Original post by redferry

Also spot on, that's another thing I feel about the stay at home mums movement, it always seem to exclude stay at home dads. It smacks of desperation, a 'need to be valued' beyond what should matter - being valued by their child and partner. After all that is what should drive someone to be a stay at home mum, not being seen as someone special in society.

I used to know a guy who told girls he wanted to be a stay at home dad if he didn't want to see the chick again after that date. Worked like a charm every single time lol

Reply 35

Original post by StevieA

I used to know a guy who told girls he wanted to be a stay at home dad if he didn't want to see the chick again after that date. Worked like a charm every single time lol

Awh I think it's loveley when guys want to be stay at home dads, its very brave to go against gender norms like that and it can be really hard because they don't feel welcomed by mother and baby groups.

I think it would be pretty good having a stay at home partner, no more housework!

Reply 36

Plasticity

Original post by redferry

Awh I think it's loveley when guys want to be stay at home dads, its very brave to go against gender norms like that and it can be really hard because they don't feel welcomed by mother and baby groups.

I think it would be pretty good having a stay at home partner, no more housework!

Unfortunately you're the exception to the rule.

The majority of women would want their partner to be the main breadwinner.

While stay at home dads are a nice idea, there is a strong biological argument for stay at home mums being the norm. Gender norms are sometimes created by society, but always originate from evolutionary instincts.

Reply 37

Original post by Plasticity

Unfortunately you're the exception to the rule.

The majority of women would want their partner to be the main breadwinner.

While stay at home dads are a nice idea, there is a strong biological argument for stay at home mums being the norm. Gender norms are sometimes created by society, but always originate from evolutionary instincts.

Bearing in mind breast pumps are now a thing, what's the argument for mums staying at home these days though?

From the perspective of someone whose dad did most of the childcare I thought it was a really positive thing tbh, I didn't have any negative experiences from it.

Reply 38

Emememily733

9

Original post by redferry

I think its because stay at home mums constantly seem intent on vastly overstating the role they play on society. Nursery nurses childminders etc look after a bajollion kids, stay at home mums one or two. And when the government proposed that families where all adults work full time should get help with childcare, the stay at home mums were rabid with anger even though they have no need for childcare, ie the whole point of staying at home. Its their 'I'm a martyr' attitude - 'I gave up my career to look after my kids' and how many seem to think it makes them a better parent, when not everyone can afford to do that! Or would necessarily want to if they could, doesn't make them less of a parent if someone feels they don't need to spend 24/7 with their child.

I think you'll find couples with cleaners are very much in the minority!

And this is where the problem lies. There is nothing good (or bad) about being a stay at home mum. It is sureley a choice you make based on what you think is going to be best for your kids and what you prefer. It is, essentially, a selfish decision and not one that needs lauding about as some superior choice constantly.

And I'm really glad that both my parents worked full time, payed my way through a good standard of living at Uni, funded my masters and were able to save all my child support for the future when I really needed it. It also allowed them to move out of our one bed home. And made me the person I am today - gregarious, extraverted and social with loads of friends. I was constantly around other kids growing up and I loved it. That would never have happened if mum had given up work.

Its easy enough to sacrifice one. I'm not going to have kids but I kick ass at everything else :tongue:

Actually that's a lie, I'm a terrible cleaner, that's my partners job...

"Selfish decision" - ? No, you've got that wrong. It's a selfLESS decision, I think it's quite disgusting for you to discredit someone's decision to want to look after their child and bring them up themselves if they have the ability to do so. I think you come across as absolutely bitter that you didn't have that growing up to be perfectly honest. It's not "lauded about as a superior choice" at all, I've never ever seen any SAHM make out that their choice to be that makes them a better individual - I know of countless people my mum is friends with who wished they too had been SAHMs, but never has my mum made out that she deserves special attention for being one. My parents never claimed benefits, always supported themselves and my mum gave up a job she really enjoyed to devote her time to bringing me up, I respect her for that 1 million percent.
I was constantly around other kids too growing up, as a result of the attention I got from my mum I always did well at school, was a good communicator from an early age and I'm a confident well-rounded individual - just because your mum wasn't a SAHM doesn't mean you're a more well rounded individual than someone who was brought up by a SAHM. It's funny really.. the only reason some people think this way nowadays is because the government want them to.. sheep mentality.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 39

cole-slaw