The Student Room Group

if you were in my shoes, would u be angry?

hi,
so i had a career advice discussion with my mum about 30 minutes ago and im currently studying a-levels and she knows i do them privately with a loan as studying with oxbridge home learning (online college and tutors) and soon need to book exams for 2024 so that i pay the cheaper prices before they go up and i wanted to be a nurse/social worker. she always agreed that i could be one (a few months ago) and now shes saying ill be a **** one basically because i got 4s,3s, 2s in my gcses which was actually because i was mentally unstable from the bullying for 5-6 years of my life and ofc im autistic and have adhd as well as anxiety and do bad with instructions she says too.
so then, my other dream career is to build a dog walking business as i also loveee dogs its literally a dream. however , she also said i cant be one.
she doesnt have any faith in me its made me cry and what is the point in me being on this planet if im no use to anything or enjoy my life?
Reply 1
so, she basically thinks i should stay at mc donalds and work there. she thinks so low of me. why does she believe in my other 3 siblings?????
Reply 2
all i feel like is im useless with everything and that even if i try, i still can’t manage to be a normal person. im not suited to this world. it’s so unfair and i want to be happy for once.
Reply 3
bumpp
There is no point in listening to people who only want to tear you down. That will only send you spiralling again. Whatever her reasons for saying those things, they are rooted in her own insecurities and it has nothing to do with you. It is definitely time for a heart to heart with your mother. Maybe she is struggling to come to terms with the fact that her "baby" is almost an adult. Whatever her reasons, you need to get to the bottom of it.

Perhaps it is time to respectfully but firmly tell her that this is your decision to make so as to secure your future. As a mother, she should only want the best for you, right?

If you phrase it like that, it puts the ball in her court. She can either support you like a loving mother should, or continue to tear you down. If she does the latter, then you effectively have your answer. From then on, you just press onwards without her input; mentally block her negativity as nothing more than white noise. Your future is too important
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
hi,
so i had a career advice discussion with my mum about 30 minutes ago and im currently studying a-levels and she knows i do them privately with a loan as studying with oxbridge home learning (online college and tutors) and soon need to book exams for 2024 so that i pay the cheaper prices before they go up and i wanted to be a nurse/social worker. she always agreed that i could be one (a few months ago) and now shes saying ill be a **** one basically because i got 4s,3s, 2s in my gcses which was actually because i was mentally unstable from the bullying for 5-6 years of my life and ofc im autistic and have adhd as well as anxiety and do bad with instructions she says too.
so then, my other dream career is to build a dog walking business as i also loveee dogs its literally a dream. however , she also said i cant be one.
she doesnt have any faith in me its made me cry and what is the point in me being on this planet if im no use to anything or enjoy my life?

heyyy it's ok dw. Ik u feel pretty ****ed off and angry atm and i would too. i get the same thing sometimes and it's totally unfair. What i have learnt and my advice to u is that all you need is yourself and believe in yourself. have some faith. ik it sounds like a cheesy quote from a utube video but it is definitly true and works! Ik she is your mum and u love her and she loves u. Ik it may seem like she doesnt but trust me she is your mum and only wants whats best for u. Parents do say hurtful things, my parents do to me and i have learnt to brush it off and ignore. it is hard and easier said then done but it works.
my advice is to always follow your heart and try ur best!! <3 That's all u can do, try ur best and be proud of YOURSELF too because it's your life, you do whatever u want with it and make it a good one!
Follow your heart and keep trying- don't let the bullies or your mum or your adhd or autism stop u. Do what u feel is best for you and try your best.
Also a heads up- parents while being wise and loving they can also be a bit misled coz they are not in your shoes, they don't understand anything u are going through so don't take too much notice. Also, they grew up in a very different time, it is now 2023 and not 1980 something. Yes- ofc- listen to them and things but remember they are not u and don't see the world from your POV.
Also always remember your mum loves u very much and wants whats best for u-- but after all it is your life and u have the freedom of speech and choice.
Always try your best and do what YOU feel like is best for you. Not anyone else.
I hope that helps and best of luck in your a levels- i shall pray for u :smile:
Reply 6
Original post by Veet Voojagig
There is no point in listening to people who only want to tear you down. That will only send you spiralling again. Whatever her reasons for saying those things, they are rooted in her own insecurities and it has nothing to do with you. It is definitely time for a heart to heart with your mother. Maybe she is struggling to come to terms with the fact that her "baby" is almost an adult. Whatever her reasons, you need to get to the bottom of it.

Perhaps it is time to respectfully but firmly tell her that this is your decision to make so as to secure your future. As a mother, she should only want the best for you, right?

If you phrase it like that, it puts the ball in her court. She can either support you like a loving mother should, or continue to tear you down. If she does the latter, then you effectively have your answer. From then on, you just press onwards without her input; mentally block her negativity as nothing more than white noise. Your future is too important

yes, i literally spoke to her in a nice manner and i don’t understand how she just has to bring me down. my younger siblings get treated better in terms of their future aspirations. my sister will be going to university next year to study criminology and my mum is okay with that. just because my sister hasn’t got autism or adhd doesn’t mean she can be treated better than me. my problems dont define me and i have grown up and matured quite a lot this year. i may not act like an almost 19 year old but i try my best and i have done well.
i just have both dreams to be a nurse or dog walker and both of them choices aren’t good enough for me apparently. she then also threw a stupid comment saying “why dont u just be a doctor then” which obviously was out of spite.
she probably is insecure because she never went to university and didn’t have a career she was really interested in and has mostly been a stay at home mum but recently has got a job as a laundrette in a carehome.
i know i’m not smart and yes i would struggle at university to study nursing but at the same time, i would just need to put in extra effort. every time i ask for her opinion, she will just try to avoid the topic and move on.
my sister was also on her side and she was being horrible too. maybe im being unrealistic because maybe i am incapable of both careers but ultimately what else do they want me to do?
i can’t just not work ever. i wish i had supportive parents and family. it’s so frustrating but at least my boyfriend and my best friend are there for me orherwise i wouldn’t be able to get through all this.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
heyyy it's ok dw. Ik u feel pretty ****ed off and angry atm and i would too. i get the same thing sometimes and it's totally unfair. What i have learnt and my advice to u is that all you need is yourself and believe in yourself. have some faith. ik it sounds like a cheesy quote from a utube video but it is definitly true and works! Ik she is your mum and u love her and she loves u. Ik it may seem like she doesnt but trust me she is your mum and only wants whats best for u. Parents do say hurtful things, my parents do to me and i have learnt to brush it off and ignore. it is hard and easier said then done but it works.
my advice is to always follow your heart and try ur best!! <3 That's all u can do, try ur best and be proud of YOURSELF too because it's your life, you do whatever u want with it and make it a good one!
Follow your heart and keep trying- don't let the bullies or your mum or your adhd or autism stop u. Do what u feel is best for you and try your best.
Also a heads up- parents while being wise and loving they can also be a bit misled coz they are not in your shoes, they don't understand anything u are going through so don't take too much notice. Also, they grew up in a very different time, it is now 2023 and not 1980 something. Yes- ofc- listen to them and things but remember they are not u and don't see the world from your POV.
Also always remember your mum loves u very much and wants whats best for u-- but after all it is your life and u have the freedom of speech and choice.
Always try your best and do what YOU feel like is best for you. Not anyone else.
I hope that helps and best of luck in your a levels- i shall pray for u :smile:

hi, this actually made me cry in a good way lol this never really happens so thank you so much. i agree, she does love me and mothers do want what’s best for their daughters and im sure shes just anxious in case i can’t handle it and maybe wants me to do a job that’s easy in her eyes. however, i will listen to your advice and i will follow what i want to pursue. i really appreciate the advice and for praying for me 🥲
also sorry your parents do it too but it is probably because they grew up in a different time frame and they can’t grasp that we are growing up and it’s probably hard for them to understand that we are adults now. which is understandable and im sure they’re happy for us deep inside so it’s all ok ❤️
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
hi, this actually made me cry in a good way lol this never really happens so thank you so much. i agree, she does love me and mothers do want what’s best for their daughters and im sure shes just anxious in case i can’t handle it and maybe wants me to do a job that’s easy in her eyes. however, i will listen to your advice and i will follow what i want to pursue. i really appreciate the advice and for praying for me 🥲
also sorry your parents do it too but it is probably because they grew up in a different time frame and they can’t grasp that we are growing up and it’s probably hard for them to understand that we are adults now. which is understandable and im sure they’re happy for us deep inside so it’s all ok ❤️

awwwww i'm glad and happy it helped!! i wish u the best of luck and God bless x <3
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
awwwww i'm glad and happy it helped!! i wish u the best of luck and God bless x <3


I think you probably need to go with an approach of your alevels themselves and having a word with your tutors as to what your predicted grades are. Then from there you can work out if you have enough to get into nursing or something else. With your love of animals have you considered Zoology? You are caring for animals so on occasions you will be nursing back to health if they are sick, and also with the animal world as well so kind of a mish mash of both.
Or if nursing of people is your thing, then you can either apply in the autumn to unis where your predicted grades and their entrance grades are similar; or you take a year out after exams, do some dog walking in that year while you think about what you need to do. As for your mum, she does not have a say in what you want to do, its your life, but shes probably has a much more skeptical outlook because of your gcses. I do agree with you though, she should not be making such snarky comments. if you really are doing well in your first year of a levels, then show your mum that you can do this. maybe her having a word with your tutors mught make her see things differently.
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 10
Original post by Ghostlady
I think you probably need to go with an approach of your alevels themselves and having a word with your tutors as to what your predicted grades are. Then from there you can work out if you have enough to get into nursing or something else. With your love of animals have you considered Zoology? You are caring for animals so on occasions you will be nursing back to health if they are sick, and also with the animal world as well so kind of a mish mash of both.
Or if nursing of people is your thing, then you can either apply in the autumn to unis where your predicted grades and their entrance grades are similar; or you take a year out after exams, do some dog walking in that year while you think about what you need to do.

at the moment in my assignments ive been getting As and Bs in religious studies, Bs and Cs in sociology and Cs in psychology. im hoping to bump up my grade in psychology to a A/B as i now have a tutor from MyTutor and shes really helpful. my online tutors will predict my grades in december they said which they average out my grades from assignments.
i did think about zoology, however, i need a-level biology im pretty sure dont i? i did look into animal sciences and behaviour and most want biology still apart from ARU where they want either biology or psychology. i will have a look for zoology again.
nursing is something id love but i dont think speaking to people is for me as i suffer with a lot of anxiety but i love caring for people/animals so animals is probably a better choice. i wish i could speak to people and do nursing and i would get better at it when getting more comfortable with the job.
i coulf also try the dog walking for a year… 😅
Reply 11
Original post by Ghostlady
I think you probably need to go with an approach of your alevels themselves and having a word with your tutors as to what your predicted grades are. Then from there you can work out if you have enough to get into nursing or something else. With your love of animals have you considered Zoology? You are caring for animals so on occasions you will be nursing back to health if they are sick, and also with the animal world as well so kind of a mish mash of both.
Or if nursing of people is your thing, then you can either apply in the autumn to unis where your predicted grades and their entrance grades are similar; or you take a year out after exams, do some dog walking in that year while you think about what you need to do. As for your mum, she does not have a say in what you want to do, its your life, but shes probably has a much more skeptical outlook because of your gcses. I do agree with you though, she should not be making such snarky comments. if you really are doing well in your first year of a levels, then show your mum that you can do this. maybe her having a word with your tutors mught make her see things differently.

also, yes it’s understandable i got bad gcses but i didn’t try or listen in lessons because i wasn’t in the best place at the time and if i tried i definitely would have got better. i think im doing ok with these a levels however im just scared if they all go badly and i could try for my tutors to speak to my mum
Reply 12
Original post by Anonymous
at the moment in my assignments ive been getting As and Bs in religious studies, Bs and Cs in sociology and Cs in psychology. im hoping to bump up my grade in psychology to a A/B as i now have a tutor from MyTutor and shes really helpful. my online tutors will predict my grades in december they said which they average out my grades from assignments.
i did think about zoology, however, i need a-level biology im pretty sure dont i? i did look into animal sciences and behaviour and most want biology still apart from ARU where they want either biology or psychology. i will have a look for zoology again.
nursing is something id love but i dont think speaking to people is for me as i suffer with a lot of anxiety but i love caring for people/animals so animals is probably a better choice. i wish i could speak to people and do nursing and i would get better at it when getting more comfortable with the job.
i coulf also try the dog walking for a year… 😅


If you havent got the biology have a look to see unis that do zoology with a foundation year.
https://www.reading.ac.uk/ready-to-study/study/2023/zoology-ug/bsc-zoology-with-foundation BBB

It seems to me that you are doing quite well, my daughters on an ABC predicted and just done her yr 13 alevels for zoology.
She found this site really helpful https://www.whatuni.com/
Advance search helps you put in a filter of what course and predicted grades and then seeing what comes up :smile:
I just put in nursing, BCC on your grades and theres quite a few courses that come up.
Reply 13
Original post by Ghostlady
If you havent got the biology have a look to see unis that do zoology with a foundation year.
https://www.reading.ac.uk/ready-to-study/study/2023/zoology-ug/bsc-zoology-with-foundation BBB

It seems to me that you are doing quite well, my daughters on an ABC predicted and just done her yr 13 alevels for zoology.
She found this site really helpful https://www.whatuni.com/
Advance search helps you put in a filter of what course and predicted grades and then seeing what comes up :smile:
I just put in nursing, BCC on your grades and theres quite a few courses that come up.

hi there, yes i could look into doing a foundation course. would i really struggle with the content still without studying biology?
what a levels did your daughter do? also they’re good predicted grades so that’s good for her:smile:.
i will definitely look into using advanced search and see what comes up.
Reply 14
Original post by Anonymous
hi there, yes i could look into doing a foundation course. would i really struggle with the content still without studying biology?
what a levels did your daughter do? also they’re good predicted grades so that’s good for her:smile:.
i will definitely look into using advanced search and see what comes up.


She did biology psychology and geography so shes just doing the straight up 3 year course. She did not go for manchester as they ask for chemistry or physics too, and she hated those. So she picked unis which has biology with softer sciences such as psych and geography. I would imagine if they are offering a foundation course in zoology for people who have not done biology it would be do-able. And the course would be biology based (maybe also a little bit of biochem as well) in first year to get you up to speed by the time you finished the foundation.

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