How to be more self-secure

I find that I too often base my happiness upon things in life which are fickle and temporary. I might feel inspired by some interesting new friend. Or I'll think to myself "when I acheive that goal, I'll be happy".But I am never satisfied. But I'm also not unhappy. I just need constantly validation and when my source dries up, I end up feeling empty and bland again. I just wish there were a way for me to internally secure and content while feeling better with things that happen in life rather than becoming reliant upon on them.Atm, I have two modes. I'm either indifferent to everything or incredibly needy. Neither is good really. Any advice?

There's nothing wrong with ambition and feeling positive after achieving the goals but to feel happy all the time I would recommend positive affirmations, make sure you know that you will always be good enough and that while these things are an important part of life, you can choose whether or not they define you and regardless you still know you're a good person deserving of self confidence and belief you are a valued human being!

Thanks for your response.

How? The only way I know how is by judging myself against others or by passing some goal which as discussed, I don't want to rely on.

I think you've made a leap. My happiness is always dependant on external factors such as relationships, academic accomplishments or accolades. I don't know how to go from that conditional sense of self worth to that unconditional thought of "no matter what I'm a good person" that you describe. That's precisely what I'm asking.

Positive affirmations, you need to keep reminding yourself everyday and perhaps look into cbt techniques to change your way of thinking, you are the only one that can change your mind set, just my opinion though

I find that I too often base my happiness upon things in life which are fickle and temporary. I might feel inspired by some interesting new friend. Or I'll think to myself "when I acheive that goal, I'll be happy".But I am never satisfied. But I'm also not unhappy. I just need constant validation and when my source dries up, I end up feeling empty and bland again.

I will find some other source of happiness but it's exhausting constantly trying some new way to feel content.

I just wish there were a way for me to internally secure and content while feeling better with things that happen in life rather than becoming reliant upon on them. Atm, I have two modes. I'm either indifferent to everything or incredibly needy. Neither is good really. Any advice?

Hey

There's a few things you'd have to do. So here's how it goes:

1. Tell yourself that you're special because really you are. Each individual is special. Why? Because there exists only one of that individual and not anyone else. In this case, there is no one like you out of the 7 billion people in this world. You have something different to offer to this world due to your individuality. Your ideas, thoughts and views are all special. Think like this way you are special just like everyone else and you can give something positive to others as your individuality makes you unique.

2. Believe in yourself. You MUST believe in yourself. If you won't no one will. Trust me, I can't tell you how much this one works. I used to think this whole concept of 'believe in yourself' was made up until I started believing myself and the outcome was only positive. I started to achieve my goals, my dreams and ambitions.

3. We are all need at some time. we are humans and its okay to feel needy and want to be loved.However, know your worth. You are special just like anyone and if you feel needy , that's okay but don't rely upon others. You would be shocked to know how much people can take benefit of you if you appear needy. Stand tough and firm.

You can always pm me if you need any help. I hope this helped you.

Hello thanks for your response.

1)I'm not really a person who struggles with not feeling unique. I'm aware of my traits and know my place in the world . If it helps, I'm generally confident about my intelligence .

2)I'd say I do believe in myself. I'm ambitious and generally have always believed that I could achieve the things I want to with some hard work.

3)Thanks for the advise. I appear needy to some friends but in general, it's not apparent. When I'm out into the world, I feel more secure about myself.

The problem is when I'm in my own space.