I really hate to appear to be self-pitying and seeking attention, I don't intend that but I feel like I have nowhere to turn right now. I'm so damn low. I was absolutely fine for months, it was like the shadows of depression had lifted and for about 5 months I felt normal and content. Then this quarantine started and I have been shut away in my room alone with just my thoughts. I WAS in an LDR with the girl I thought was the love of my life and who was my best and one of my only friends and the one keeping me sane but a few weeks ago she started to ghost me and has called it off. I miss her friendship so badly.
For the past few weeks my days have consisted of waking up mid-afternoon, and then just sitting around thinking about how lonely I am, missing the hell out of her, maybe watch a few youtube videos and just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. My housemates are very unsociable and don't want to socialise, I have lost all energy and motivation to keep up with my academics, everything has just broken down into a giant mess and I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling right now.
I've been turning to alcohol and it worries me. Ordinarily I'm not a regular drinker but for the past week or so I have been getting drunk every other night, consuming a whole bottle of rum and some wine. It seems to be the only thing that is making me forget about everything and able to just enjoy the small things like listening to music or watching a movie...it lifts my mood. I don't know how the hell I'm going to get through the next few months or so with my sanity intact. Is this how alcoholism begins?