Lost my identity

I don’t know who I am anymore, last year I felt like I knew but I’ve grown to hate that version of myself, I hate who I am, my personality, my insecurities, the way I look, what I do.

I just can’t tell who I am anymore, or who I want to be, I feel inferior to everyone around me, I don’t feel good enough for anyone, especially my partner.

I just want to hide away, I don’t want to see my friends but I know I’ll get sad and I can’t do that to the people who have helped me so much.

I’m not alone, I have friends, close family, a boyfriend, they all make me feel loved yet I can’t shake the feeling of not being enough, like they’re all gonna leave in the end. I’m annoying and insecure, no real hobbies, no passions, no dreams, I’ve done stupid, embarrassing things bc of my insecurity.

Any tips on how to work on finding yourself again?

I'm sure you've heard this but journaling could help? It could help with self reflection and just helping to organise your thoughts and stuff like that. One of the most beneficial things I've ever done for my mental health is every day listing things I'm grateful for... it sounds stupid but for some reason it just helped me gain so much perspective on life. Idk if there's like a 'root cause' of how ur feeling, but it might also help to understand what that is (if u don't already) or if there isn't one, just really come to terms with ur feelings. The self hatred thing sucks but I promise you no one thinks the same way about you as you do. All the things you judge yourself for - your appearance, your hobbies, whatever it is, I'm sure you would never judge someone else that harshly. Everyone is way too hung up on themselves to think so critically about other people. When you focus on the best parts of everyone else while focusing on the worst parts of yourself, the comparison you make is so unfair on yourself and I'm so sure people wouldn't automatically focus on the worst parts about you. They will see so much in you that you don't even realise, just like you do in them.

Even if you have no dreams, no hobbies, you are still completely deserving of being happy. That isn't enough to define your life, and you deserve to feel happy as much as anyone else does. Not having a passion or a hobby definitely doesn't make you boring or annoying or anything, it's so fine not to have found something you like yet, and there's nothing worse than pretending you like something for the sake of it. You don't need to have something impressive that you're working towards, unless you want to. If you want to, trying new things, going to new places, any sort of experience might help you discover what really makes you happy, or trying to get better at some of the things you don't like about yourself. For me, I guess my 'dream' is to live somewhere by a beach, that's literally all I want from life lol. That isn't impressive at all but it's what makes me happy and that's all that matters. But only become the person you really want to be, not who you think other people want you to be.

Is there any way you could talk to your friends/boyfriend/family about it? I felt similarly a while back and honestly completely isolated myself from everyone. In the end I was forced to come to terms with myself and learnt to enjoy my own company, but I really don't think doing it like that was good in the long run. Reassurance from them might help, but if not just being completely logical about things, understanding that if you really were annoying, or a burden, they would have given you some indication. People who are actually annoying never seem to be the ones to recognise it; the fact that your so worried about being annoying and being left makes it seem like you are so conscious about your actions and try so hard to be the best person u can be (which is a very admirable trait to have).

Idk if that helped at all, I'm not too good at this stuff but I really hope you start to feel better. I found some articles which may help more if you feel like it...

https://www.healthline.com/health/i-hate-myself#indentify-your-triggers
https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/i-dont-know-who-i-am-anymore-losing-my-identity
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/identity-crisis#causes
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-spotlight-effect-3024470

How long did it take you to type this????

About an hour lol.....

I'm sure you've heard this but journaling could help? It could help with self reflection and just helping to organise your thoughts and stuff like that. One of the most beneficial things I've ever done for my mental health is every day listing things I'm grateful for... it sounds stupid but for some reason it just helped me gain so much perspective on life. Idk if there's like a 'root cause' of how ur feeling, but it might also help to understand what that is (if u don't already) or if there isn't one, just really come to terms with ur feelings. The self hatred thing sucks but I promise you no one thinks the same way about you as you do. All the things you judge yourself for - your appearance, your hobbies, whatever it is, I'm sure you would never judge someone else that harshly. Everyone is way too hung up on themselves to think so critically about other people. When you focus on the best parts of everyone else while focusing on the worst parts of yourself, the comparison you make is so unfair on yourself and I'm so sure people wouldn't automatically focus on the worst parts about you. They will see so much in you that you don't even realise, just like you do in them.

Even if you have no dreams, no hobbies, you are still completely deserving of being happy. That isn't enough to define your life, and you deserve to feel happy as much as anyone else does. Not having a passion or a hobby definitely doesn't make you boring or annoying or anything, it's so fine not to have found something you like yet, and there's nothing worse than pretending you like something for the sake of it. You don't need to have something impressive that you're working towards, unless you want to. If you want to, trying new things, going to new places, any sort of experience might help you discover what really makes you happy, or trying to get better at some of the things you don't like about yourself. For me, I guess my 'dream' is to live somewhere by a beach, that's literally all I want from life lol. That isn't impressive at all but it's what makes me happy and that's all that matters. But only become the person you really want to be, not who you think other people want you to be.

Is there any way you could talk to your friends/boyfriend/family about it? I felt similarly a while back and honestly completely isolated myself from everyone. In the end I was forced to come to terms with myself and learnt to enjoy my own company, but I really don't think doing it like that was good in the long run. Reassurance from them might help, but if not just being completely logical about things, understanding that if you really were annoying, or a burden, they would have given you some indication. People who are actually annoying never seem to be the ones to recognise it; the fact that your so worried about being annoying and being left makes it seem like you are so conscious about your actions and try so hard to be the best person u can be (which is a very admirable trait to have).

Idk if that helped at all, I'm not too good at this stuff but I really hope you start to feel better. I found some articles which may help more if you feel like it...

https://www.healthline.com/health/i-hate-myself#indentify-your-triggers
https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/i-dont-know-who-i-am-anymore-losing-my-identity
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/identity-crisis#causes
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-spotlight-effect-3024470