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    I'm out in the countryside in a converted hay barn and it's lovely. There are farm animals to stroke and feed and I just had to remove a swallow from my living room. It's peaceful and lovely and I just keep sleeping through it before I'm exhausted and it's so quiet.

    Still a little worried about my dissertation but my report is starting to look really good and then I'll just be missing a few bits of programming. Trying to stay calm enough to finish my work well since it's due Monday afternoon and this is the stage that usually ends in a full meltdown.

    Feeling much better about the world than I usually do though so yay I guess.
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    (Original post by SciFiRory)
    haha, that's okay, I love my food probably far too much tbh!

    main thing is that it cheered you up :yep:
    :hugs:


    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    they also do turkey aeroplanes :ninja:
    and in BIG tescos they do potato animals. a bit like potato smilies, but animal shaped hahaha
    :ahee:
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    So ill again this morning :sad: :cry2:. Typical. And I just discovered that my next appointment is at the same time as my exam :rolleyes:

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    Had to talk to the pharmasist, receptionist AND on call dr just to get a prescription. Wow.
    Just annoyingly the on call dr was the only dr i didnt want knowing. But now he will. Gahhh. Got meds anyway

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    Yesterday was a bit of a mixed bag. Went to a garden party during the day and got through the whole thing flashback-free which was nice. Gave my friends an opportunity to see me being sane as well which is cool. But in the evening friends were going to see fireworks from a bridge, and I didn't realise it would be really busy (should probably have had the foresight....) Was doing ok with the crowd even though it was literally unmovable, but then there was a triggering smell (unusual actually, don't normally get triggered by smells) and someone put their hand on my waist and I just went. Friend pretty much carried me through the crowd as I was flashbacking (no idea how she did it cos it was REALLY packed) then found somewhere less crowded on the ground for me to sit. Watched the fireworks from there and that was nice. Hung out with them for the rest of the evening, went into flashback a couple of times but not major ones (curled up shaky but no crying or noise or anything). Friend accompanied me to get mirtazapine for my room and stayed with me until it kicked in and I could sleep, so it was actually quite helpful and meant I never went into full on flashback. Feel quite guilty though for making her deal with me again. Think I'm gonna withdraw for a couple of days and give her some time off because it's not really fair to do this so often.
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    Got my reading list for September this morning and now things feel real/scary.
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    Can't concentrate at all today.
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    I'm ready to cry. I'm so out of my depth.
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    Psychosis is back. FML :emo:

    :grouphugs: to everyone who needs them
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    Psychosis is back. FML :emo:

    :grouphugs: to everyone who needs them
    Is it a bad episode? Hugs to you.
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    (Original post by Noodlzzz)
    Is it a bad episode? Hugs to you.
    I dunno if it's an episode yet, since it only kicked off today. Think I just got upset by an email earlier and that's kicked things off. Hoping sleeping it off will help :sadnod:
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    (Original post by sunfowers01)
    I'm ready to cry. I'm so out of my depth.
    Whats wrong?
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    (Original post by Malevolent)
    Whats wrong?
    Work and demanding people. Can't do this
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    Literally feeling worse by the day atm. Everything is so bad and I can't take another stupid exam. Feel as though I'm ready to snap. The stress from everything right now is overwhelming and I feel things bubbling over. I can't do anything. I need some relief


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    Really not feeling good at the moment, just want to breakdown and cry

    Essay's doing my head in and I'm exhausted. Trying to take it easy. Hope this isn't the start of something bigger. Social anxiety is through the roof at the moment as well.

    I'm sure once the term ends and my essay is done I'll feel better, everything just feels too much at the moment.
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    (Original post by sunfowers01)
    Work and demanding people. Can't do this
    Want to talk?
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    (Original post by avhhs)
    So ill again this morning :sad: :cry2:. Typical. And I just discovered that my next appointment is at the same time as my exam :rolleyes:

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    :hugs: Is it possible for you to move the appointment to be a bit later? Good luck in your exam!

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Yesterday was a bit of a mixed bag. Went to a garden party during the day and got through the whole thing flashback-free which was nice. Gave my friends an opportunity to see me being sane as well which is cool. But in the evening friends were going to see fireworks from a bridge, and I didn't realise it would be really busy (should probably have had the foresight....) Was doing ok with the crowd even though it was literally unmovable, but then there was a triggering smell (unusual actually, don't normally get triggered by smells) and someone put their hand on my waist and I just went. Friend pretty much carried me through the crowd as I was flashbacking (no idea how she did it cos it was REALLY packed) then found somewhere less crowded on the ground for me to sit. Watched the fireworks from there and that was nice. Hung out with them for the rest of the evening, went into flashback a couple of times but not major ones (curled up shaky but no crying or noise or anything). Friend accompanied me to get mirtazapine for my room and stayed with me until it kicked in and I could sleep, so it was actually quite helpful and meant I never went into full on flashback. Feel quite guilty though for making her deal with me again. Think I'm gonna withdraw for a couple of days and give her some time off because it's not really fair to do this so often.
    It's a shame that you were set off but on the bright side you managed really well with it. Your friend sounds lovely and very supportive too. I'm glad that you still managed to watch the fireworks and have a good time despite everything else, that's a real achievement!

    (Original post by octoberbaby)
    Got my reading list for September this morning and now things feel real/scary.
    You have loads of time, just take it bit by bit. It's no bigger than anything you'll have had to deal with at college as long as you keep calm about it. Hope there's some nice stuff on there

    (Original post by 08batee)
    Literally feeling worse by the day atm. Everything is so bad and I can't take another stupid exam. Feel as though I'm ready to snap. The stress from everything right now is overwhelming and I feel things bubbling over. I can't do anything. I need some relief


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    :hugs: You'll be fine, it's almost over. Just take it easy and do what you can. Focus on whatever's next and just that. Be sure to give yourself a good rest and get some fresh air. Maybe go for a walk to clear your head while the weather's nice.

    (Original post by LesPaul_Player91)
    Really not feeling good at the moment, just want to breakdown and cry

    Essay's doing my head in and I'm exhausted. Trying to take it easy. Hope this isn't the start of something bigger. Social anxiety is through the roof at the moment as well.

    I'm sure once the term ends and my essay is done I'll feel better, everything just feels too much at the moment.
    I hope it gets better once the essay is done. Don't overload yourself. Take a while to relax and clear your head. Try going outside and getting some fresh air for a bit. :hugs:

    ________________________________ __________________________
    Things are sorting themselves out a little. Still exhausted and freaking out but over less and it's a bit easier to push through. I don't think i'll ever really be free of that burden, i'm just gunna have to learn to accept it. Feeling a bit better about myself, hopefully if i'm confident and able to overlook certain things others won't notice them either. :unsure:

    Hope everyone's doing okay :grouphugs:
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    I saw the most lovely psychiatrist this afternoon, she was only young but it was probably the most comfortable I have felt talking to someone and she was really helpful and not condescending like some.
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    Managed to run 5K without any walking bits (and another couple doing run-walk). Hoping this means my aim of being back at a steady 10K by the end of summer isn't unrealistic.

    Running makes me feel really strong... Much as being drenched in sweat is kind of gross, it's such a good feeling that it's in my control. Sometimes when I'm running I think of myself running away from the person who hurt me and it makes me feel really empowered. Plus, even though my weight is normal, exercising more makes my shape change a bit, abs and pecs get more visible and it makes me feel good, like I'm reclaiming my body.
 
 
 
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