Yesterday was a bit of a mixed bag. Went to a garden party during the day and got through the whole thing flashback-free which was nice. Gave my friends an opportunity to see me being sane as well which is cool. But in the evening friends were going to see fireworks from a bridge, and I didn't realise it would be really busy (should probably have had the foresight....) Was doing ok with the crowd even though it was literally unmovable, but then there was a triggering smell (unusual actually, don't normally get triggered by smells) and someone put their hand on my waist and I just went. Friend pretty much carried me through the crowd as I was flashbacking (no idea how she did it cos it was REALLY packed) then found somewhere less crowded on the ground for me to sit. Watched the fireworks from there and that was nice. Hung out with them for the rest of the evening, went into flashback a couple of times but not major ones (curled up shaky but no crying or noise or anything). Friend accompanied me to get mirtazapine for my room and stayed with me until it kicked in and I could sleep, so it was actually quite helpful and meant I never went into full on flashback. Feel quite guilty though for making her deal with me again. Think I'm gonna withdraw for a couple of days and give her some time off because it's not really fair to do this so often.