Not much wrong with it really. You put an intro and a theory giving you the knowledge marks. The evaluate stage you have put in but for questions with assess you really need to pull apart the theory. So for each paragraph there needs to be more assessing than theory.
Did you mean : assess sociological theories in explaining why women commit
less crime?
If you didnt and the question was why women comitt more crime your paragraph has gone in the opposite direction. I will assume you meant less crime and try to help you that way
try to include strengths and weaknesses of the theory as relevant to the question. You have said what you were trying to get across at the end which is exactly what is needed put you need to really evidence this before hand.
For example if I were to evaluate the sex role theory for Crime and deviance :
The sex role theory points to limitations placed on women as an explanation for why they comitt less crime. It looks at how women are limitted both within the family and within society. In the family women are more strictly socialized as children according to studies by Parsons. Parsons argues that girls are socialized into being caring and loving basing themselves on their caring mother as a role model. This leads to lack of criminal involvement because there bonds to societies norms and values have been strongly implemented and further they become of such gentle nature that they oppose crime. Further sex role theory also suggests women are more strictly socially controlled, for example there is a general expatation for women to ' act lady like ' and these pressures may easily result in an avoidance of the more ' masculine ' crimes. However it is important to recognize liberationalist theory aswel. This points out that even though womens opportunities were limitted in the past which prevented them from comiting crimes, such inequalities are lessening at allowing for more females to enter the job market. This increased opportunity gives women access to a wider range of crimes which actually increases there criminal involvement. Assesing the sex role theories then it seems that although in the past women had such controls that their criminal experience was limitted, now there is less inequalities they have far more access and involvement in crime.
You see in this case the majority of the paragraph comes in assesment form. Using other theories of crime to assess this one . You can also pull out any weaknesses you see in the theory. What does it explain ? what doesn't it ? but make sure they tie into the question.
I advice you ( not that you have to listen to a word im saying lol ) to briefly explain the theory you want to use. Then spend some time supporting the theory noting how it leads to less criminal involvement and then some time argueing against the theory, perhaps with another theory or a criticism in general. Also few long detailed and evaluative paragraphs is better than say 8 or 9 short paragraphs in this type question.
I hope that helps. I can help you with anything else if you would like
Im also sitting the crime and dev paper this time round. Iv gotten 3 A's so far in the others so im feelin pretty pressured at the moment lol.