Strangest things a teacher's said to YOU? Version 2.0

Poor guy. xD


We all used to think the head of 6th was a little weird...
Then when we got in to year 12, we realised he was in fact a LEGEND, but couldn't use any of his jokes on the lower years. We walk out of 6th form assembly in stitches, and geniunley can't wait till the Leaver's Ball for his speech

Legend with a capital L. Love teachers who are up for a bit of banter.

It was my first day
The teacher (female) comes up to me with her hand
Rubbing my belly and other hand on my back in unison
Saying 'do you like jaffacakes, do u like jaffacakes'.

It baffles me ><
Oh an if it matters i was in year 1

Seen Mr. Gilbert's speech in the Inbetweeners Movie? That's what I'm expecting.

Culled from the Chronicles of the Redoubtable Mr. Morgan:

"A shell striking a tank would seriously inconvenience the men inside."
"Von Hayek was pissing into the proverbial wind."
"Essays are a lot like sex; it is not always true that the longer you spend on them, the better it is."
"This is most embarrassing class... does anyone know how to get off the beach on Call of Duty 2?"
"If you do not hand in your homework in a lesson without having informed me that you would not previously, there is likely to be some sort of emotional confrontation."
"I discovered that someone had eaten a rotisserie chicken in this room, and had then left the distended membra strewn across the table."
"The sort of multi-tasking women can do usually involves hands, not minds."
"I only go clubbing with a baseball bat."
"Mussolini from one side and Mao from the other. What a meeting of culinary skills that would be!"
"A badger without lights on did not alert them to its presence."
"There is on the staff room wall a notice board on which teachers pin amusing education related anecdotes. One particular leaf I read claimed to be from an English Literature GCSE paper; it had a question on it that was supposed to read: "The crew were stunned to see an enormous TENTACLE rise above the side of the ship." I assure you class that what actually rose before them was far more terrifying."
"I'm hot in bed."
"Sam, you asking me that is akin to my asking you which sexual position will yield a particularly ugly baby; and you will say, 'I do not know', and I will then reply 'go and ask your parents as they have obviously found one.'"
"Say for example that Mr Beale had witnessed some one urinating in his conservation area, and as a result of this came storming through the classroom door wielding an axe. I very much doubt that anyone in the room would take out a notebook and pencil and begin scribing the look on the man's face, oh no! You would jump out of the window to avoid his rage!"
"Thats not the most energetic wrist action I've ever seen!"
"If you consider the amount of sexual activity the non-white 6% portion of the British population would have to indulge in to outnumber the white 94% within a generation, the BNP would have nothing worry about because they would be white from the effort."
"You've tackled that last round with the enthusiasm of a group hug in a burns ward."
"Complete the following quotation..... 'War...' ....GOOD GOD, Y'ALL!"
"Going to war without the French on your side is like going to war without an accordion strapped to your back".
"And Group 3 are left lagging due to a shrivelled performance on Conservatism."
"Now this film is certified '15' and contains scenes of violence and three of a sexual nature. However, unfortunately for Jamie, all these scenes take place between a man and a woman."
"Even a blind squirrel sometimes finds a nut."

"I actively dislike some of you."

You come from your fathers balls, remember that

Mine has to be when a teacher said to one of the arab guys "When you fail your exams, there is always the fallback of being a terrorist"... he said it so casually as well

You don't come from your fathers balls, you come from inside of your mothers uterus in which you lived for 9 months.