Can school advisor comment/undermine my PS?

Worked on PS constantly and happy with latest (11th draft!).
Struggled with typos and grammar and welcomed father's corrections. But that's all he did. He had talked through with me what it was I was trying to say and gave me some really insightful phrases.
Really pleased with it but school advisor (not my BFF!) says it's "not in my voice" and is demanding I sit in front of her and another teacher with a blank piece of paper and do it all again.
(Sod that for a game of soldiers, as my father just said!)
He's clear that I should simply say to school advisor that the PS was mine and that I stand by it and want it submitted.

I'm being daft (I hope) but could she add a snide remark to my reference? I believe I'm not allowed to see it before its sent, but really neurotic now.

Reply 1

macpatgh-Sheldon

Hi, sorry to hear that you are in this dilemma!

Firstly, very responsible and caring of your dad to give his feedback/help.

It is perfectly acceptable for someone who knows you well [which oc your dad does] to help correct spelling/punctuation/grammatical errors; however, these "phrases" he has suggested might not be in line with your normal style of writing [??] - on the other hand, does this "adviser" know you well? i.e. is he/she teaching you regularly enough to know your particular method of communication? If not, then he/she should not be giving you the kinda army treatment that is apparent.

It seems like you have initially written and redrafted the PS yourself - it is crucial that your PS portrays you as a person, your passion for the subject :undefined:

you plan to study at uni and how that motivates you, as well as, if applicable, your own version of e.g. what you gleaned from any past work experience. In brief, your PS should be unique to you.

If you have met the points in the previous paragraphs, I would tend to be a little more firm and assertive with this "adviser" and tell him/her that you have put in a lot of time and effort in your PS, and that you do not wish to "bin" all that, in line with your dad's opinion. If not, then perhaps a more laid-back stance might be more appropriate - if this adviser is worthy of his/her job and as any pride in his/her professionalism, he/she should not stealthily "mess up" your ref.

Apologies if this does not direct you in a particular manner, but best wishes!

M [specialist biology tutor]

Reply 2

CharlotteW1j5jr

Thank you so much for this.
I appreciate it is balanced and sees both sides.
The only concession I would make is that dad hates sloppy writing but did not suggest anything i
would be uncomfortable with or would not have said myself.

I think I’ll go with firm and assertive as anything less could be taken as me admitting I’ve done something wrong
Thanks again for the really quick reply
Charlotte

Reply 3

Artjen

Any teacher who thinks that a personal statement can be written from scratch on a blank piece of paper in one sitting is... well, polite words fail me. But maybe you could ask them if it would help to just put all the typos back into the statement YOU'VE already written?

Reply 4

CharlotteW1j5jr

Just how passive aggressive can a teacher be! Her first response to the draft sent 3 weeks ago and revised ever since.

" I have read the attached version of Charlotte's personal statement. It is packed with content.

Reading it over, however, made me somewhat concerned about how much of Charlotte's voice appears in the statement and how much has been reworded or helped along the way. It is integral for a personal statement to be entirely the student's own work. It can be tempting to help a student by editing a statement for them, but in the long run it is always best for it to be their own original writing.

Rather than sending feedback on this version, I'm going to suggest that Charlotte sits down with a form tutor to make sure the statement is her own voice. She can use the draft attached as a baseline for content. Luckily for Charlotte, XX and I are currently filling in as her form tutors. After half term, we'll book Charlotte in for a 1-2-1 to look at her personal statement.

If Charlotte wants to start writing a draft with more of her voice in it over half term, we can go from there