GCSE English Language

Hi guys I need help with two things!
Firstly for my english controlled assessment I need to write a short story which needs to start with "She knew it was a mistake as soon as she tuned round the corner" So this is my story so far please help me make it better or give me completely new ideas "She realised it was a mistake as soon as she turned the corner, she bashed into 'The Plastics' they were wearing tight fitted white cheerleading costumes with the Northshore high school logo embedded on them. "Watch it fat-ass" the whole corridor roared with laughter, the girl scurried to the bathroom as tears shot down her perky acne ridden cheeks, like a car zooming over speed-bumps. "The plastics" were un-phased by the girls tears and carried on strutting down the corridor."

The second thing I need help with is my descriptive writing I don't know what to describe I've got three choices the funfair, the supermarket and the beach help help help

Reply 1

Xmarksthesh0t

You need much more imagination to hit the A* but its better than "...Turned the corronor and threw her books". Also the car does not suit the situation in my opinion. If you develop it, you could get an A atleast mate.

Reply 2

alwaysalex

Watch out for punctuation! Already quite a few mistakes in that little bit.
For the descriptive writing personally I'd pick the funfair, but in the end it's just a matter of personal preference.