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Mind full or mindful?: TLG's mindfulness blog!
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#1
OK so I need to admit to stealing that pun off someone else - I didn't invent it myself
So here's the thing. I'm **** at mindfulness. Like, really ****. **** to the point that the more traditional forms of mindfulness (e.g. breathing exercises/meditation) are REALLY triggering for my psychosis
I really like mindfulness colouring though and have some colouring books and a faith journal of Bible and saints' quotes written out in Disney font, that I doodle around/colour in 
ITT, Imma attempt to join various TSRians in their quests to be a bit more mindful, by taking part in the 30 Day Mindfulness Challenge
Each day, towards the end of the day, I will try and write a brief reflection encompassing the following things where possible/appropriate:- What I'm grateful for today
- A random act of kindness I've done
- A random act of kindness someone has done for me
- Things I did well
- Something I could improve on
- What I've achieved today
- What I've done to look after my mental health
- Something I have to look forward to
I hope people will be willing to cheer me on, coz it's not gonna come naturally/easily to me
My therapist is gonna be mega-chuffed that I'm doing this though 
TLG
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Deyesy
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#2
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#2
(Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
OK so I need to admit to stealing that pun off someone else - I didn't invent it myself
So here's the thing. I'm **** at mindfulness. Like, really ****. **** to the point that the more traditional forms of mindfulness (e.g. breathing exercises/meditation) are REALLY triggering for my psychosis
I really like mindfulness colouring though and have some colouring books and a faith journal of Bible and saints' quotes written out in Disney font, that I doodle around/colour in 
ITT, Imma attempt to join various TSRians in their quests to be a bit more mindful, by taking part in the 30 Day Mindfulness Challenge
Each day, towards the end of the day, I will try and write a brief reflection encompassing the following things where possible/appropriate:
I hope people will be willing to cheer me on, coz it's not gonna come naturally/easily to me
My therapist is gonna be mega-chuffed that I'm doing this though 
TLG
(Location: High on a hill)
OK so I need to admit to stealing that pun off someone else - I didn't invent it myself
So here's the thing. I'm **** at mindfulness. Like, really ****. **** to the point that the more traditional forms of mindfulness (e.g. breathing exercises/meditation) are REALLY triggering for my psychosis
I really like mindfulness colouring though and have some colouring books and a faith journal of Bible and saints' quotes written out in Disney font, that I doodle around/colour in ITT, Imma attempt to join various TSRians in their quests to be a bit more mindful, by taking part in the 30 Day Mindfulness Challenge
Each day, towards the end of the day, I will try and write a brief reflection encompassing the following things where possible/appropriate: - What I'm grateful for today
- A random act of kindness I've done
- A random act of kindness someone has done for me
- Things I did well
- Something I could improve on
- What I've achieved today
- What I've done to look after my mental health
- Something I have to look forward to
I hope people will be willing to cheer me on, coz it's not gonna come naturally/easily to me
My therapist is gonna be mega-chuffed that I'm doing this though TLG
(Location: High on a hill)
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#3
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#4
BACKGROUND CONTEXT
I think most people who frequent this forum know my story but to briefly give a bit of context to my doing the 30 days mindfulness challenge:
1. I'm an (almost) life-long voice hearer. I started hearing voices aged about 5 (I'm now 28)
2. I developed psychosis at my first uni (though it went undiagnosed for quite a while), where a lot of traumatic things happened to me. I was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. Put crudely, schizoaffective disorder is a mixture of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. It affects about 0.5% or 1 in 200 of the British population. It involves paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, as well as mood disorder (either mania, depression or mixed - a combo of the two). My most common symptoms are hearing voices, and experiencing depressive episodes.
3. My diagnosis is currently somewhat under review in that everyone appears to think it's wrong but no one's talking openly about it
This is because I went to my psychiatrist and said that I experience life via 5 different personalities and I wanted her to diagnose and tell me what this was. She palmed me off to the psychology team 
4. I've been in NHS therapy three times, mostly recently from late August-present day. In 2011 I had 9 months of CBT, and then 9 months of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which is based on mindfulness practice) from 2014-15. Neither these nor the meds are really working, hence therapy for the third time. I'm currently doing schema therapy
SO WHAT'S THE BENEFIT IN DOING MINDFULNESS, WITH THESE SYMPTOMS/CONDITIONS?
As a result of my difficult experiences during my first degree, I spend a lot of time ruminating on/reliving the past. Despite my best solo attempts to move forward, I cannot. Mindfulness, obviously, has a particular focus on spending time in the present, rather than the past or future, and this is something that would benefit me greatly
Also, before I became this ill, I was generally an optimistic person. It would be nice to get that back
I think most people who frequent this forum know my story but to briefly give a bit of context to my doing the 30 days mindfulness challenge:
1. I'm an (almost) life-long voice hearer. I started hearing voices aged about 5 (I'm now 28)
2. I developed psychosis at my first uni (though it went undiagnosed for quite a while), where a lot of traumatic things happened to me. I was eventually diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, depressive type. Put crudely, schizoaffective disorder is a mixture of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. It affects about 0.5% or 1 in 200 of the British population. It involves paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations, as well as mood disorder (either mania, depression or mixed - a combo of the two). My most common symptoms are hearing voices, and experiencing depressive episodes.
3. My diagnosis is currently somewhat under review in that everyone appears to think it's wrong but no one's talking openly about it
This is because I went to my psychiatrist and said that I experience life via 5 different personalities and I wanted her to diagnose and tell me what this was. She palmed me off to the psychology team 
4. I've been in NHS therapy three times, mostly recently from late August-present day. In 2011 I had 9 months of CBT, and then 9 months of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which is based on mindfulness practice) from 2014-15. Neither these nor the meds are really working, hence therapy for the third time. I'm currently doing schema therapy
SO WHAT'S THE BENEFIT IN DOING MINDFULNESS, WITH THESE SYMPTOMS/CONDITIONS?
As a result of my difficult experiences during my first degree, I spend a lot of time ruminating on/reliving the past. Despite my best solo attempts to move forward, I cannot. Mindfulness, obviously, has a particular focus on spending time in the present, rather than the past or future, and this is something that would benefit me greatly
Also, before I became this ill, I was generally an optimistic person. It would be nice to get that back
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#5
DAY 1 - 19TH DECEMBER 2016
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for aviation. Sounds like a weird one but occasionally when I sit down and think about it, it's amazing how vast the world is and yet how accessible it all is too!
My sister is flying from the USA back home tonight (overnight flight), hence these thoughts
A random act of kindness I've done
I haven't done any
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
A friend who I haven't heard from in a while emailed me unexpectedly to wish me a Merry Christmas
Things I did well
The temptation is to say "nothing" but I guess I've done well not to scream at my mum today (despite wanting to do so the whole day)
Something I could improve on
My attitude in general
What I've achieved today
Again, temptation is to say "nothing" but I've tidied my room as much as I can, so I guess that's something
What I've done to look after my mental health
Not much tbh
Something I have to look forward to
My sister arriving tomorrow morning
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for aviation. Sounds like a weird one but occasionally when I sit down and think about it, it's amazing how vast the world is and yet how accessible it all is too!
My sister is flying from the USA back home tonight (overnight flight), hence these thoughts
A random act of kindness I've done
I haven't done any
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
A friend who I haven't heard from in a while emailed me unexpectedly to wish me a Merry Christmas
Things I did well
The temptation is to say "nothing" but I guess I've done well not to scream at my mum today (despite wanting to do so the whole day)
Something I could improve on
My attitude in general
What I've achieved today
Again, temptation is to say "nothing" but I've tidied my room as much as I can, so I guess that's something
What I've done to look after my mental health
Not much tbh
Something I have to look forward to
My sister arriving tomorrow morning
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jessyjellytot14
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#6
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#6
Hi, nice start to your blog! 
I really like aviation as well- it's nice watching planes fly over at night when there's a clear sky. I also may or may not have a flight radar app on my phone so I can see where they are flying from and where they are going to.
I really like aviation as well- it's nice watching planes fly over at night when there's a clear sky. I also may or may not have a flight radar app on my phone so I can see where they are flying from and where they are going to.
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#7
(Original post by jessyjellytot14)
Hi, nice start to your blog!
I really like aviation as well- it's nice watching planes fly over at night when there's a clear sky. I also may or may not have a flight radar app on my phone so I can see where they are flying from and where they are going to.
Hi, nice start to your blog!
I really like aviation as well- it's nice watching planes fly over at night when there's a clear sky. I also may or may not have a flight radar app on my phone so I can see where they are flying from and where they are going to.
Posted from TSR Mobile
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#8
DAY 2 - 20TH DECEMBER 2016
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. My sister arriving safely in the UK
2. Being able to get out of the flat to meet up with some volunteering buddies
A random act of kindness I've done
I offered to pay for a friend's drink but she didn't let me do that
Don't think I've done anything else that kind today 
Oh that's a lie actually: I accepted a parcel on behalf of a neighbour and made sure they got it safely the same day
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
I received some more Christmas cards today, including for a friend who I haven't seen at all in 2016
Things I did well
Again, not lashing out at family or acting out on unkind thoughts towards them
Something I could improve on
Again: my attitude in general
What I've achieved today
Bought some more Christmas presents
What I've done to look after my mental health
I got out of the flat
Something I have to look forward to
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. My sister arriving safely in the UK
2. Being able to get out of the flat to meet up with some volunteering buddies
A random act of kindness I've done
I offered to pay for a friend's drink but she didn't let me do that
Don't think I've done anything else that kind today 
Oh that's a lie actually: I accepted a parcel on behalf of a neighbour and made sure they got it safely the same day
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
I received some more Christmas cards today, including for a friend who I haven't seen at all in 2016
Things I did well
Again, not lashing out at family or acting out on unkind thoughts towards them
Something I could improve on
Again: my attitude in general
What I've achieved today
Bought some more Christmas presents
What I've done to look after my mental health
I got out of the flat
Something I have to look forward to
Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#9
DAY 3 - 21ST DECEMBER 2016
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. Having a few hours of quality alone time, to get some work done and just have a breather from all the cleaning
2. The fact that my mum is bringing my favourite food ever home from a restaurant in Hounslow
3. Christmas music. All together now: "especially for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
A random act of kindness I've done
Don't think I've done anything today tbh
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
See aforementioned point about my mum bringing my fave food home
Things I did well
Again, not lashing out at family or acting out on unkind thoughts towards them
Something I could improve on
I want to truly feel in the Christmas mood, rather than faking it to try and buoy myself along
What I've achieved today
More tidying with the family
What I've done to look after my mental health
Got some decent sleep, and had some quality 'me' time. Also did some uni work so that I can get a bit ahead with things
Something I have to look forward to
Dinner
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. Having a few hours of quality alone time, to get some work done and just have a breather from all the cleaning
2. The fact that my mum is bringing my favourite food ever home from a restaurant in Hounslow
3. Christmas music. All together now: "especially for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
A random act of kindness I've done
Don't think I've done anything today tbh
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
See aforementioned point about my mum bringing my fave food home
Things I did well
Again, not lashing out at family or acting out on unkind thoughts towards them
Something I could improve on
I want to truly feel in the Christmas mood, rather than faking it to try and buoy myself along
What I've achieved today
More tidying with the family
What I've done to look after my mental health
Got some decent sleep, and had some quality 'me' time. Also did some uni work so that I can get a bit ahead with things
Something I have to look forward to
Dinner
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CheeseIsVeg
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#10
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#10
(Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
DAY 3 - 21ST DECEMBER 2016
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. Having a few hours of quality alone time, to get some work done and just have a breather from all the cleaning
2. The fact that my mum is bringing my favourite food ever home from a restaurant in Hounslow
3. Christmas music. All together now: "especially for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
A random act of kindness I've done
Don't think I've done anything today tbh
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
See aforementioned point about my mum bringing my fave food home
Things I did well
Again, not lashing out at family or acting out on unkind thoughts towards them
Something I could improve on
I want to truly feel in the Christmas mood, rather than faking it to try and buoy myself along
What I've achieved today
More tidying with the family
What I've done to look after my mental health
Got some decent sleep, and had some quality 'me' time. Also did some uni work so that I can get a bit ahead with things
Something I have to look forward to
Dinner
DAY 3 - 21ST DECEMBER 2016
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. Having a few hours of quality alone time, to get some work done and just have a breather from all the cleaning
2. The fact that my mum is bringing my favourite food ever home from a restaurant in Hounslow
3. Christmas music. All together now: "especially for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"
A random act of kindness I've done
Don't think I've done anything today tbh
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
See aforementioned point about my mum bringing my fave food home
Things I did well
Again, not lashing out at family or acting out on unkind thoughts towards them
Something I could improve on
I want to truly feel in the Christmas mood, rather than faking it to try and buoy myself along
What I've achieved today
More tidying with the family
What I've done to look after my mental health
Got some decent sleep, and had some quality 'me' time. Also did some uni work so that I can get a bit ahead with things
Something I have to look forward to
Dinner
Loving the blog so far!
Keep up the good stuff and the me time 
Spoiler:
P.S I didn't know your story and wanted to say that you're absolutely amazing
I really hope you retrieve optimism again
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P.S I didn't know your story and wanted to say that you're absolutely amazing
I really hope you retrieve optimism again
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#11
(Original post by CheeseIsVeg)
Best. Title. Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loving the blog so far!
Keep up the good stuff and the me time 
Best. Title. Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!
Loving the blog so far!
Keep up the good stuff and the me time
Spoiler:
P.S I didn't know your story and wanted to say that you're absolutely amazing I really hope you retrieve optimism again
Show
P.S I didn't know your story and wanted to say that you're absolutely amazing
I really hope you retrieve optimism again Posted from TSR Mobile
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CheeseIsVeg
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#12
The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#13
wolfmoon88
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#14
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#15
Whoop whoop! Can't wait to read more. I had really bad depression, and my mum was going through things about a year ago. I'm not 100% "cured", but I feel better than I've felt in months! I hope the same goes for you ^-^
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#16
(Original post by Anonymous)
Whoop whoop! Can't wait to read more. I had really bad depression, and my mum was going through things about a year ago. I'm not 100% "cured", but I feel better than I've felt in months! I hope the same goes for you ^-^
Whoop whoop! Can't wait to read more. I had really bad depression, and my mum was going through things about a year ago. I'm not 100% "cured", but I feel better than I've felt in months! I hope the same goes for you ^-^
Thanks for reading
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#17
DAY 4 - 22ND DECEMBER 2016
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. My dinner last night, which was epic win at life (especially coz I had some more for lunch today
)
2. The fact that the cleaning and tidying is nearly over. The end is in sight!
3. The fact my mood is less difficult to manage
A random act of kindness I've done
I've not really been out and about much recently, so haven't really done anything. Need to get better on this front
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
My sister took the heavier end of some lifting that needed to be done, so that I wouldn't get too tired!
Things I did well
My attitude has really improved since yesterday morning. I feel more content and just able to relax a bit more and manage my emotions better
Also not sure if I mentioned it yesterday but yesterday I skim-read like 8 chapters of a book
Something I could improve on
I could really do more cleaning if I put my mind to it. Just being a bit lazy atm
What I've achieved today
Again, more tidying with the family. We rearranged my room so now I have a "double-desk" (two desks sat next to each other)
What I've done to look after my mental health
Tried to take some time out and treat myself with little pick-me-ups
Something I have to look forward to
My dad is returning from Sri Lanka tomorrow so that should hopefully be nice (if he doesn't lose his temper with us about all the cleaning we've done)
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. My dinner last night, which was epic win at life (especially coz I had some more for lunch today
)2. The fact that the cleaning and tidying is nearly over. The end is in sight!
3. The fact my mood is less difficult to manage
A random act of kindness I've done
I've not really been out and about much recently, so haven't really done anything. Need to get better on this front
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
My sister took the heavier end of some lifting that needed to be done, so that I wouldn't get too tired!
Things I did well
My attitude has really improved since yesterday morning. I feel more content and just able to relax a bit more and manage my emotions better
Also not sure if I mentioned it yesterday but yesterday I skim-read like 8 chapters of a book
Something I could improve on
I could really do more cleaning if I put my mind to it. Just being a bit lazy atm
What I've achieved today
Again, more tidying with the family. We rearranged my room so now I have a "double-desk" (two desks sat next to each other)
What I've done to look after my mental health
Tried to take some time out and treat myself with little pick-me-ups
Something I have to look forward to
My dad is returning from Sri Lanka tomorrow so that should hopefully be nice (if he doesn't lose his temper with us about all the cleaning we've done)
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furryface12
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#18
The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#19
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The_Lonely_Goatherd
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#20
DAY 5 - 23RD DECEMBER 2016
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. Seeing two schoolfriends for the first time in a very long time
2. Being able to (just about probs, lol) afford my very nice but expensive lunch with them
3. The fact it's not too cold atm! I hate cold weather but not needing gloves atm
A random act of kindness I've done
Um, still think I haven't done anything
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
My volunteering boss emailed me to thank me for all I did! She probs sent the same message round everyone but it felt personalised
Also my friend got me bday and Christmas presents
Things I did well
I went to Covent Garden and didn't spontaneously combust!
To be fair, it wasn't as crazy busy as I was expecting
Something I could improve on
Really ought to tidy my desk and clothes tbh
What I've achieved today
Not much but seeing friends counts as an achievement, right?
What I've done to look after my mental health
Treated myself to a good meal, saw friends, and having some 'me' time now
Something I have to look forward to
Nearly Christmas
What I'm grateful for today
Today I am grateful for:
1. Seeing two schoolfriends for the first time in a very long time
2. Being able to (just about probs, lol) afford my very nice but expensive lunch with them
3. The fact it's not too cold atm! I hate cold weather but not needing gloves atm
A random act of kindness I've done
Um, still think I haven't done anything
A random act of kindness someone has done for me
My volunteering boss emailed me to thank me for all I did! She probs sent the same message round everyone but it felt personalised
Also my friend got me bday and Christmas presents
Things I did well
I went to Covent Garden and didn't spontaneously combust!
To be fair, it wasn't as crazy busy as I was expecting Something I could improve on
Really ought to tidy my desk and clothes tbh
What I've achieved today
Not much but seeing friends counts as an achievement, right?
What I've done to look after my mental health
Treated myself to a good meal, saw friends, and having some 'me' time now
Something I have to look forward to
Nearly Christmas
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