I hate being around people
Hi guys,
I hate being around people. Social situations make me so anxious and I feel as if I don't fit in with anyone or anywhere.
But I'm not socially awkward. Hear me out.
I'm in a clinical based degree which means I have to interact with patients and tutors and I am absolutely fine with that. I love public speaking and on the outside I'm quite talkative. But this is only at university and at work. I work as a waitress which also means I make small talk with customers all the time and I really enjoy it. I'm engaged too so I have no problems on that front.
But I can't seem to interact with people socially. People from my course invite me out and we have all these course meals that I never go to. I simply cannot stand being around people in that setting. Meals with more than one person make me anxious (except my fiance).
I don't have any good friends simply because I cannot get out.
Should I see someone?
Thanks everyone!
I hate being around people. Social situations make me so anxious and I feel as if I don't fit in with anyone or anywhere.
But I'm not socially awkward. Hear me out.
I'm in a clinical based degree which means I have to interact with patients and tutors and I am absolutely fine with that. I love public speaking and on the outside I'm quite talkative. But this is only at university and at work. I work as a waitress which also means I make small talk with customers all the time and I really enjoy it. I'm engaged too so I have no problems on that front.
But I can't seem to interact with people socially. People from my course invite me out and we have all these course meals that I never go to. I simply cannot stand being around people in that setting. Meals with more than one person make me anxious (except my fiance).
I don't have any good friends simply because I cannot get out.
Should I see someone?
Thanks everyone!
I think I understand how you feel, as I am similar. I put it down to being quite introverted. Being an introvert doesn't automatically mean shy and socially awkward. People aren't for everyone.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi guys,
I hate being around people. Social situations make me so anxious and I feel as if I don't fit in with anyone or anywhere.
But I'm not socially awkward. Hear me out.
I'm in a clinical based degree which means I have to interact with patients and tutors and I am absolutely fine with that. I love public speaking and on the outside I'm quite talkative. But this is only at university and at work. I work as a waitress which also means I make small talk with customers all the time and I really enjoy it. I'm engaged too so I have no problems on that front.
But I can't seem to interact with people socially. People from my course invite me out and we have all these course meals that I never go to. I simply cannot stand being around people in that setting. Meals with more than one person make me anxious (except my fiance).
I don't have any good friends simply because I cannot get out.
Should I see someone?
Thanks everyone!
I hate being around people. Social situations make me so anxious and I feel as if I don't fit in with anyone or anywhere.
But I'm not socially awkward. Hear me out.
I'm in a clinical based degree which means I have to interact with patients and tutors and I am absolutely fine with that. I love public speaking and on the outside I'm quite talkative. But this is only at university and at work. I work as a waitress which also means I make small talk with customers all the time and I really enjoy it. I'm engaged too so I have no problems on that front.
But I can't seem to interact with people socially. People from my course invite me out and we have all these course meals that I never go to. I simply cannot stand being around people in that setting. Meals with more than one person make me anxious (except my fiance).
I don't have any good friends simply because I cannot get out.
Should I see someone?
Thanks everyone!
Original post by Anonymous
Hi guys,
I hate being around people. Social situations make me so anxious and I feel as if I don't fit in with anyone or anywhere.
But I'm not socially awkward. Hear me out.
I'm in a clinical based degree which means I have to interact with patients and tutors and I am absolutely fine with that. I love public speaking and on the outside I'm quite talkative. But this is only at university and at work. I work as a waitress which also means I make small talk with customers all the time and I really enjoy it. I'm engaged too so I have no problems on that front.
But I can't seem to interact with people socially. People from my course invite me out and we have all these course meals that I never go to. I simply cannot stand being around people in that setting. Meals with more than one person make me anxious (except my fiance).
I don't have any good friends simply because I cannot get out.
Should I see someone?
Thanks everyone!
I hate being around people. Social situations make me so anxious and I feel as if I don't fit in with anyone or anywhere.
But I'm not socially awkward. Hear me out.
I'm in a clinical based degree which means I have to interact with patients and tutors and I am absolutely fine with that. I love public speaking and on the outside I'm quite talkative. But this is only at university and at work. I work as a waitress which also means I make small talk with customers all the time and I really enjoy it. I'm engaged too so I have no problems on that front.
But I can't seem to interact with people socially. People from my course invite me out and we have all these course meals that I never go to. I simply cannot stand being around people in that setting. Meals with more than one person make me anxious (except my fiance).
I don't have any good friends simply because I cannot get out.
Should I see someone?
Thanks everyone!
I don't necessarily think you hate people (most of what you've written actually displays the opposite). But there is a theme I can see with you which may give some interesting insight. It seems when you're in a position where you don't have a choice but to speak and socialise you actually enjoy it. However, when you have the choice, you seem to fall into a dislike for it. Quite interesting. The reason is due to social anxiety from what I'm reading. When you're forced to speak/socialise, you don't get the option to dwell on that anxiety, because it doesn't make any difference. You have to do it, so you get over that. When the choice comes in, you have more time, you have more opportunities to procrastinate and dwell in that anxiety. For me, the solution may be uncomfortable at first, but it'll help. Take the choice out of the equation, force yourself to start going to these events. You'll be uncomfortable, you may not enjoy it at first, but your natural skills will come in and you'll get used to it. Give this a go, start going out with another two people, then three, then four, keep building. It's a simple increase in pressure and exposure. Hope this helps, let me know how you get on.
Regards
Original post by KieranAdam
I don't necessarily think you hate people (most of what you've written actually displays the opposite). But there is a theme I can see with you which may give some interesting insight. It seems when you're in a position where you don't have a choice but to speak and socialise you actually enjoy it. However, when you have the choice, you seem to fall into a dislike for it. Quite interesting. The reason is due to social anxiety from what I'm reading. When you're forced to speak/socialise, you don't get the option to dwell on that anxiety, because it doesn't make any difference. You have to do it, so you get over that. When the choice comes in, you have more time, you have more opportunities to procrastinate and dwell in that anxiety. For me, the solution may be uncomfortable at first, but it'll help. Take the choice out of the equation, force yourself to start going to these events. You'll be uncomfortable, you may not enjoy it at first, but your natural skills will come in and you'll get used to it. Give this a go, start going out with another two people, then three, then four, keep building. It's a simple increase in pressure and exposure. Hope this helps, let me know how you get on.
Regards
Regards
That does make sense to me. I just did a huge presentation in front of 100 odd people and I was absolutely fine.
I feel that I have pushed everyone away now. People who used to invite me out before don't do that anymore because they know I won't come. There is a chirstmas meal next week for uni and just
the thought of going to it makes me mouth dry and heart race.
What do you suggest?
Original post by Anonymous
That does make sense to me. I just did a huge presentation in front of 100 odd people and I was absolutely fine.
I feel that I have pushed everyone away now. People who used to invite me out before don't do that anymore because they know I won't come. There is a chirstmas meal next week for uni and just
the thought of going to it makes me mouth dry and heart race.
What do you suggest?
I feel that I have pushed everyone away now. People who used to invite me out before don't do that anymore because they know I won't come. There is a chirstmas meal next week for uni and just
the thought of going to it makes me mouth dry and heart race.
What do you suggest?
Honestly? Go, but treat it like you're about to do a talk. You anticipate the kind of subjects that'll pop up, practice your answers, guide other people to talk more than you. Good conversationalists are the ones who listen more than talk. I'd recommend a great audiobook called Chatter by Patrick King. It's roughly two hours long and you can pick some great info on there. Hope this helps, let me know how it goes.
Me too.
I am not socially awkward and I have the confidence of all the humans on this earth but I cannot stand to sit at a dinner table with Clive and Bethany speaking about their engagement all night long. Its so boring and not the life I want.
I am not socially awkward and I have the confidence of all the humans on this earth but I cannot stand to sit at a dinner table with Clive and Bethany speaking about their engagement all night long. Its so boring and not the life I want.
(edited 6 years ago)
I have such a similar experience!
I quit going to societies because they made me feel so awkward. People were just having so much small talk (many of them were as awkward as I was, and just forcing themselves to ask questions like: so, how do you do?).
But aside of that, I had a job (that was quite high paced and stressful), but really loved working with customers, and would always try to help them out (even the ruder ones).
I recently had a presentation in front of my lecture hall. I was initially so horrified about talking to such a big platform, but I felt like I absolutely nailed it. It was about a topic I was really passionate about, to be fair.
I found this funny, because I have a fiancé too, and we're both moderately hermits, but we told ourselves if we managed to not live alone, then maybe we're not too introverted after all.
I think you're perfectly fine. If I were you I'd take my time, and wait for any chemistry with friends to come naturally. I found that trying to force myself to be more social in situations that were very uncomfortable for me, actually made me more anxious. Is it possible (and would your fiancé be ok with it) to join you at that Christmas dinner? Ironically we both become less awkward with new people when we have each other.
If you feel like you can try talking to someone, you can check if your university has any counselling or well-being centres. I found counselling most effective in helping me deal with things like social anxiety. It's like getting some parental advice, in a way. Sometimes we keep our problems to our head and not speak them out, so rather than trying to process and solve them, we engrain them deeper into our heads. Wishing you all the best x
I quit going to societies because they made me feel so awkward. People were just having so much small talk (many of them were as awkward as I was, and just forcing themselves to ask questions like: so, how do you do?).
But aside of that, I had a job (that was quite high paced and stressful), but really loved working with customers, and would always try to help them out (even the ruder ones).
I recently had a presentation in front of my lecture hall. I was initially so horrified about talking to such a big platform, but I felt like I absolutely nailed it. It was about a topic I was really passionate about, to be fair.
I found this funny, because I have a fiancé too, and we're both moderately hermits, but we told ourselves if we managed to not live alone, then maybe we're not too introverted after all.
I think you're perfectly fine. If I were you I'd take my time, and wait for any chemistry with friends to come naturally. I found that trying to force myself to be more social in situations that were very uncomfortable for me, actually made me more anxious. Is it possible (and would your fiancé be ok with it) to join you at that Christmas dinner? Ironically we both become less awkward with new people when we have each other.
If you feel like you can try talking to someone, you can check if your university has any counselling or well-being centres. I found counselling most effective in helping me deal with things like social anxiety. It's like getting some parental advice, in a way. Sometimes we keep our problems to our head and not speak them out, so rather than trying to process and solve them, we engrain them deeper into our heads. Wishing you all the best x
(edited 6 years ago)
Thank you so much guys! I really cannot tell you how much I appreciate your advise. It makes me feel less alienated. Much love
