Original post by AnygyI'm not sure if this is really "selective mutism" or some kind of bad social anxiety (although I do suppose they tend to coexist). What I get from it is that you DO speak, you just feel incredibly nervous when doing so. I don't know, I'm not a big expert on mental health.
I'm also 17, and I can relate to a lot of what you've described. I was "diagnosed" with social anxiety disorder when I was 15 and I remember feeling very similar to the way you do. I was always the "quiet kid" who sat at the back of the classroom and never spoke. Ever. Not to the person next to me, or even if a teacher would say hello to me in the hallway, I would normally just glance up in surprise and by then the moment had already passed. I got teased a lot too. I remember other girls dumping pencil shavings all over my books and on my skirt, or asking me patronizing questions. I always got so flustered.
Conversation was pretty much impossible. My mind would go blank and I would start to sweat. Pretty embarrassing. People started realizing how awkward I was, I think, so they stopped trying to talk to me.
Anyways, what I'd suggest for first steps is to see someone. I know you said that you're too scared, but it's good to get some kind of solid diagnosis. That being said, my GP was absolutely no help so I went about finding a local mental health organisation on my own. Never got a formal medical diagnosis, but I saw on the sheets once "social anxiety and depression" which was pretty much just a confirmation of what I already knew. People's experiences with therapy vary greatly; some people find themselves in a MUCH better position after just a few months of it (which is why I think you should definitely get some help), others end up looking back on it and finding it rather pointless. I.e, Me. Gotta say, therapy itself didn't really help me, but having someone to talk to about my struggles did.
I don't necessarily think it's paramount to get professional help, although it would be huge stepping stone for sure.
What I did was just force myself to talk to people. I don't know, I feel like you must hear this sort of advice all the time; I definitely did. But honestly, it's what they tell you in therapy too. My therapist did it in really subtle ways, breaking down different situations, getting me to do mind maps. But in the end, the message was clearly "push yourself." If you don't at least try, you'll never know if it works. I know it's hard, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
I mean, you've said that you already see some marked improvement, so that's a good sign. Just keep going with it, you'll get better. Small things, like asking if you can share a book with someone, or if you can borrow a ruler. One big thing that helped me (and it'll sound stupid) was to just observe people. When the people next to me were chatting, I'd listen in. I'd notice where they would pause in conversation, how they enunciated certain words etc. If I could, I'd glance over and check out body language, too. Again, it sounds weird, but it really helped me with my own flow. For example, I used to think that if someone spoke to me, I'd have to respond lightning fast, otherwise it'd get awkward. After my observations, I realized that doing that would actually make me sound a bit weird, and that I should allow time for myself to think and speak.
Just take your time with. I assume that like me, you'll be moving onto university soon, or college or whatever. Either way, new environment = new opportunities. Make the most of it! Sorry for the long windedness. If you want to talk to me, just send a message.