English experts here please

MY MOCK POETRY ESSAY PREP
POWER IN LONDON AND TISSUE
MARK OUT OF 30 please and areas I can improve

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OP

26/30
its good
add more metaphors

Reply 3

Skkkk

OP

13

Original post by bullyhunter71

26/30
its good
add more metaphors

Metaphors like?

Reply 4

favershamtutor

5

At the very start try an introductory sentence to set your essay such as...Power is a strong aspect of both poems though in ....Power is used to .....wheras in ......Power is used as a .....
Also you pick out and analyse lots of language structure etc which is brilliant and you do this well. You could up the level of this essay by adding how this language makes you ( or the reader) feel. Such as The use of .... really rallies the reader into feeling a sense of power or emotions etc. But well done so far very detailed.

Original post by Skkkk

Reply 5

Skkkk

OP

13

Original post by favershamtutor

At the very start try an introductory sentence to set your essay such as...Power is a strong aspect of both poems though in ....Power is used to .....wheras in ......Power is used as a .....
Also you pick out and analyse lots of language structure etc which is brilliant and you do this well. You could up the level of this essay by adding how this language makes you ( or the reader) feel. Such as The use of .... really rallies the reader into feeling a sense of power or emotions etc. But well done so far very detailed.

Thankyou I will add that to
What mark would u say this is now and if I were to improve

Reply 6

favershamtutor

5

Original post by Skkkk

Thankyou I will add that to
What mark would u say this is now and if I were to improve

I understand how much you would like even a guess at a mark but I dont really know without a mark scheme. I can guess an increase of about an extra 10 marks. What exam board and level is this ? I can look for a mark scheme.

Reply 7

Skkkk

OP

13

Original post by favershamtutor

I understand how much you would like even a guess at a mark but I dont really know without a mark scheme. I can guess an increase of about an extra 10 marks. What exam board and level is this ? I can look for a mark scheme.

Not ten marks if u have given me 26/30
Aqa exam board

Reply 8

favershamtutor

5

Hi the 26/30 was a different poster but I would agree with about 25/26. You can definately up that level by structuring your essay by ensuring your introduction has that introductory sentence and that you have a clearer conclusion,( just sum up ) as marks are given for this sort of structure. Basically the rest of your essay shows your hard work, so all fine there. .

Original post by Skkkk

Not ten marks if u have given me 26/30
Aqa exam board

Reply 9

RicoChandarana

14

Original post by Skkkk