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English Language Paper 2 Answer

I wrote this while I was revising and I was wondering if someone could mark it out of 40 and/or give me some feedback on it! Thanks! :smile:

‘Education is not just about which school you go to, or what qualifications you gain; it is also about what you learn from your experiences outside of school.’ Write a speech for your school or college Leavers’ Day to explain why doing extra-curricular activities is beneficial. (24 marks for content and organisation 16 marks for technical accuracy) [40 marks]

Education is the key to unlocking the world, a passport to freedom. And today, education is more important than ever. It is, therefore, vital to give all students the best education. However, sitting in a class and constantly being fed information doesn’t always mean you’re leading a particularly productive life.
Doing an extra-curricular activity is proven to boost confidence and self-esteem, something you don’t get from a boring, dull classroom where you’re too tired to think. Statistics show that 1 in 5 people suffer from mental stress and anxiety due to the stress that school puts on you. That could be around 5 or 6 in your classroom that feel stressed and worried. That’s not good is it?
Also, things like the Duke of Edinburgh Award give you things like leadership qualities (through the Volunteering section), self-confidence (through the Physical section), inquisitiveness (through the Skills section) and resilience (in the Final Expedition). You almost never get any of these qualities sitting in a classroom.
Additionally, doing extra-curricular activities means you get to meet people with similar interests which then leads to your social skills becoming better, and although you get a lot of this in schools, meeting people outside of school enhances your social skills.
Furthermore, doing extra-curricular activities means that students get a break they deserve after an exhausting and draining day, which gives a chance for students to relax and unwind after a busy day at school.
Finally, if you continue an extra-curricular activity to a more advanced level, you can put that activity in your resume/personal Statement to enhance your CV and help you stand out from the crowd when looking for a job. Sounds great right?
Consequently, I think that extra-curricular activities give you essential qualities and attributes that helps a person with their emotional wellbeing and their character.