I've flopped at life
My a level exams are on-going, and because of depression and so many other reasons, I didnt start revising until a month before... I felt as if I had been revising for the past 5 months, but in actual reality, I didn;t do much. The realisation hit me so hard and I had constant panic attacks for a week, which made it hard to revise. But thankfully, I have an unconditional offer from a uni so I'm going there, but even so, I want to do my best on these exams.
I feel like a failure. I used to be so smart. Went to grammar school etc, but since gcse's my life has just been going downhill. I'm self aware- i know what im doing isnt good (ie not doing anything), but i can;t stop myself. Worst thing is I have so much pressure from other relatives since im known as the 'smart one' , and if I dont do well, my parents will be looked down upon. and from my dad as well, since I've only told my mum recently about my struggles. Outwardly she says its fine, but i know inside its hurting her- to see her kid, that used to be so smart and do well, become dumb and apathetic. and it kills me.
My parents have always been so proud of me since I studied well, and now I failed them. It's not like I do any extra curricular activities in which they can be proud of me for. My parents always told me I'd regret that, but I didnt realise it would hit me this early in life. But i dont feel upset for myself- I feel upset for my parents. They dont show their sadness, but I can feel it and it hurts me so so much but something in me isnt allowing me to change. When other parents are telling my parents about all that their kids have done, my parents are quiet because I dont do anything and it kills me everytime.
I love my parents so so much, and my biggest fear is losing them before I've done anything to make them proud of me. or before any major milestones in life, like graduating from uni. They're quite old as well, and have a number of health issues. And especially because I'll be moving away for uni, I'm so scared that something may happen and I wont be there.
And then there;s the issue with my sibling. I have the absolute worse relationship w my sibling, and its because of me. Im SELF AWARE- I KNOW ITS MY FAULT but i cant stop shouting at them and telling them to get out my room.
i'm such a failure.
I feel like a failure. I used to be so smart. Went to grammar school etc, but since gcse's my life has just been going downhill. I'm self aware- i know what im doing isnt good (ie not doing anything), but i can;t stop myself. Worst thing is I have so much pressure from other relatives since im known as the 'smart one' , and if I dont do well, my parents will be looked down upon. and from my dad as well, since I've only told my mum recently about my struggles. Outwardly she says its fine, but i know inside its hurting her- to see her kid, that used to be so smart and do well, become dumb and apathetic. and it kills me.
My parents have always been so proud of me since I studied well, and now I failed them. It's not like I do any extra curricular activities in which they can be proud of me for. My parents always told me I'd regret that, but I didnt realise it would hit me this early in life. But i dont feel upset for myself- I feel upset for my parents. They dont show their sadness, but I can feel it and it hurts me so so much but something in me isnt allowing me to change. When other parents are telling my parents about all that their kids have done, my parents are quiet because I dont do anything and it kills me everytime.
I love my parents so so much, and my biggest fear is losing them before I've done anything to make them proud of me. or before any major milestones in life, like graduating from uni. They're quite old as well, and have a number of health issues. And especially because I'll be moving away for uni, I'm so scared that something may happen and I wont be there.
And then there;s the issue with my sibling. I have the absolute worse relationship w my sibling, and its because of me. Im SELF AWARE- I KNOW ITS MY FAULT but i cant stop shouting at them and telling them to get out my room.
i'm such a failure.
(edited 4 years ago)
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You are not a failure and have no reason to be ashamed or feel that you have shamed your family.
Stop and think about all the vilest individuals in this country: hate criminals, rapists, child abusers, drug gangs, wife beaters, murderers.
The bring mayhem to the streets, break the law with impunity, cause nothing but suffering to other people and keep prisons full.
You have not turned out like that and your parents are proud of you for it.
Calm down with your siblings, you'll be going away to uni soon.
Even if they are seriously annoying and deliberately trying to get on your nerves, you gain nothing by yelling or fighting with them.
Doing it just makes you even more stressed and later you feel guilty.
If you value your privacy so much and have to keep them out of your room, just put a lock on your door.
You now have something to aim for at uni- to try to put in the most effort you can and maybe join some extra-curricular societies.
Not because everyone else does.
Because you want to.
Good luck at uni!
You are not a failure and have no reason to be ashamed or feel that you have shamed your family.
Stop and think about all the vilest individuals in this country: hate criminals, rapists, child abusers, drug gangs, wife beaters, murderers.
The bring mayhem to the streets, break the law with impunity, cause nothing but suffering to other people and keep prisons full.
You have not turned out like that and your parents are proud of you for it.
Calm down with your siblings, you'll be going away to uni soon.
Even if they are seriously annoying and deliberately trying to get on your nerves, you gain nothing by yelling or fighting with them.
Doing it just makes you even more stressed and later you feel guilty.
If you value your privacy so much and have to keep them out of your room, just put a lock on your door.
You now have something to aim for at uni- to try to put in the most effort you can and maybe join some extra-curricular societies.
Not because everyone else does.
Because you want to.
Good luck at uni!
thank you so much for replying to me <33333 I'll join societies at uni and see how it goes.. thank you once again
Original post by londonmyst
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You are not a failure and have no reason to be ashamed or feel that you have shamed your family.
Stop and think about all the vilest individuals in this country: hate criminals, rapists, child abusers, drug gangs, wife beaters, murderers.
The bring mayhem to the streets, break the law with impunity, cause nothing but suffering to other people and keep prisons full.
You have not turned out like that and your parents are proud of you for it.
Calm down with your siblings, you'll be going away to uni soon.
Even if they are seriously annoying and deliberately trying to get on your nerves, you gain nothing by yelling or fighting with them.
Doing it just makes you even more stressed and later you feel guilty.
If you value your privacy so much and have to keep them out of your room, just put a lock on your door.
You now have something to aim for at uni- to try to put in the most effort you can and maybe join some extra-curricular societies.
Not because everyone else does.
Because you want to.
Good luck at uni!
You are not a failure and have no reason to be ashamed or feel that you have shamed your family.
Stop and think about all the vilest individuals in this country: hate criminals, rapists, child abusers, drug gangs, wife beaters, murderers.
The bring mayhem to the streets, break the law with impunity, cause nothing but suffering to other people and keep prisons full.
You have not turned out like that and your parents are proud of you for it.
Calm down with your siblings, you'll be going away to uni soon.
Even if they are seriously annoying and deliberately trying to get on your nerves, you gain nothing by yelling or fighting with them.
Doing it just makes you even more stressed and later you feel guilty.
If you value your privacy so much and have to keep them out of your room, just put a lock on your door.
You now have something to aim for at uni- to try to put in the most effort you can and maybe join some extra-curricular societies.
Not because everyone else does.
Because you want to.
Good luck at uni!
Why were you depressed?
Lmao started revising like last week
sister?
Original post by Anonymous
thank you so much for replying to me <33333 I'll join societies at uni and see how it goes.. thank you once again
Wow wtf this could have been me posting because I can 100% relate because I used to and still am going through something like this.
I just want to post this to remind myself to come back and give a proper answer.
I just want to post this to remind myself to come back and give a proper answer.
turn to someone for help tell them how you're struggling and remember no matter what never give up
my life was ( and still is ) going downhill and even though I know and can see that, I couldnt stop myself. Also my brain would just make endless scenarios about things that could go wrong in the future (my parents dying etc) and I would just constantly cry and not do anything.. would just stay in bed, going on my phone to distract myself whilst neglecting everything else I had to do. the simplest things (like watching true crime videos) would trigger something in me and i'd just keep crying
Original post by Qup
Why were you depressed?
??
Original post by Rizen
sister?
i hope we can both get through this.. <33
Original post by DedicatedWizard
Wow wtf this could have been me posting because I can 100% relate because I used to and still am going through something like this.
I just want to post this to remind myself to come back and give a proper answer.
I just want to post this to remind myself to come back and give a proper answer.
Original post by Anonymous
my life was ( and still is ) going downhill and even though I know and can see that, I couldnt stop myself. Also my brain would just make endless scenarios about things that could go wrong in the future (my parents dying etc) and I would just constantly cry and not do anything.. would just stay in bed, going on my phone to distract myself whilst neglecting everything else I had to do. the simplest things (like watching true crime videos) would trigger something in me and i'd just keep crying
Sorry for the late reply.
I don't really know what to suggest to help you here, but even though this might be generic, I would advise you to speak not only to a therapist but also family and close, trustworthy friends about your struggles to see if something can be done to resolve your anxieties. Do not worry about things though, even though things may look bad, it is always best to try and stay positive.
**** advise, I know, but its something and all I've got right now. Hope you get better.
thank you for the reply. yeah, i get that advice can be generic, and im glad you've pointed that out. i'm just going to ignore everything for now and work to get somewhat decent grades and then worry about everything else later.
Original post by Qup
Sorry for the late reply.
I don't really know what to suggest to help you here, but even though this might be generic, I would advise you to speak not only to a therapist but also family and close, trustworthy friends about your struggles to see if something can be done to resolve your anxieties. Do not worry about things though, even though things may look bad, it is always best to try and stay positive.
**** advise, I know, but its something and all I've got right now. Hope you get better.
I don't really know what to suggest to help you here, but even though this might be generic, I would advise you to speak not only to a therapist but also family and close, trustworthy friends about your struggles to see if something can be done to resolve your anxieties. Do not worry about things though, even though things may look bad, it is always best to try and stay positive.
**** advise, I know, but its something and all I've got right now. Hope you get better.
You know what you need to do?
Get up, put on your favourite song and just dance and sing for a moment!!
After you do that, write down things you are grateful for and just b r e a t h e.
You are going to make a wonderful life for yourself. This is just a bump in your journey and that’s okay! You are never alone.
Your life is never a flop unless you give up.
Your parents are more proud of you than you think.
You are amazing and beautiful and VALUABLE. Never think your life is a waste.
Talk more with your friends and family and slowly but surely, you’ll start living again.
I wish you the BEST of luck.
Want anyone to talk to, you can always pm me.
Best wishes x
Get up, put on your favourite song and just dance and sing for a moment!!
After you do that, write down things you are grateful for and just b r e a t h e.
You are going to make a wonderful life for yourself. This is just a bump in your journey and that’s okay! You are never alone.
Your life is never a flop unless you give up.
Your parents are more proud of you than you think.
You are amazing and beautiful and VALUABLE. Never think your life is a waste.
Talk more with your friends and family and slowly but surely, you’ll start living again.
I wish you the BEST of luck.
Want anyone to talk to, you can always pm me.
Best wishes x
thank you so much- i'll do what you've said and hopefully i'll feel better
Original post by watershower
You know what you need to do?
Get up, put on your favourite song and just dance and sing for a moment!!
After you do that, write down things you are grateful for and just b r e a t h e.
You are going to make a wonderful life for yourself. This is just a bump in your journey and that’s okay! You are never alone.
Your life is never a flop unless you give up.
Your parents are more proud of you than you think.
You are amazing and beautiful and VALUABLE. Never think your life is a waste.
Talk more with your friends and family and slowly but surely, you’ll start living again.
I wish you the BEST of luck.
Want anyone to talk to, you can always pm me.
Best wishes x
Get up, put on your favourite song and just dance and sing for a moment!!
After you do that, write down things you are grateful for and just b r e a t h e.
You are going to make a wonderful life for yourself. This is just a bump in your journey and that’s okay! You are never alone.
Your life is never a flop unless you give up.
Your parents are more proud of you than you think.
You are amazing and beautiful and VALUABLE. Never think your life is a waste.
Talk more with your friends and family and slowly but surely, you’ll start living again.
I wish you the BEST of luck.
Want anyone to talk to, you can always pm me.
Best wishes x
your parents love you, dont leave them alone in this world and feel guilty for the rest of their lives. ending your life will essentially end your parents too.
