English Language Question 5

12 o’clock stuck the clock of the church.
The nocturnal city was silent. The street lamps shimmered like dancing fairies but with menace. I regret my wrongdoings, and my misbehaviour towards my parents, my mind could not swallow the thought me being abandoned.
The air became denser; the ionosphere gave an impression of malevolence as its visage was venomous and filled with vice. Abruptly, anguish prevailed the surrounding, provoking the malignant air to be conflicted. My parents should not have expelled me at this cruel hour. I gulped with struggle to witness the sky sanctuary being submerged by diabolism and profanity, alarming me about my denouement.
The intimidating moon was alabaster but cursed with savagery, it was staring at my pathetic soul, piercing through my pupils delightedly like an excruciating needle. Eyes like silver lightning: sharp, does not miss a matter, spirited, quick-witted and glaring with Glaucoma. My heart shrank with fear and apprehension as my palms became moist and stunned with affliction. My legs were numb but I was soon able to move, trying to escape from the damnation of hell.
Although I ran briskly, the ferocious eyes followed my scent, almost reminding me of a ravenous hound getting ready for its meal.


Check this please and comment below your opinion, it is not finished.

Anything that even sounds like it could be related to predators and prey is a no no.

That's interesting. Is there a limit to how dark things can get? I never knew that. And if there is, what is the punishment for exceeding that limit? I heard that people got calls for their responses to AQA's 2019 creative-writing question.

Sorry, my quick reply wasn't clear. I meant that sentences like 'He was like a predator searching for prey' are massively over-used and have little impact, in my view. The line in the opening post about 'a ravenous hound getting ready for its meal' also lacks impact, for the same reason.

I don't think there's anything sinister about the accepted parameters of good taste in an exam. Just be sensible. If it sounds like it's risky, does it need to be included...