Not had sex at uni yet, getting me so down I'm actually suffering from depression

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Anonymous #1
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I've been at uni a year and a half and made no friends and had no sex due to my social anxiety. Although recently I've decided to push myself and make changes to this by seeing a therapist and I'm working on my socially anxious thoughts and gradually pushing myself to meet people. Although I'm just so so so depressed and shocked at how easily and often single people at uni have sex. All you hear is single people shagging all the time and it hurts me so much because I'm single and want to have sex with tons of girls just as much as any other single guy does but how does this even happen?

People at uni meet each other for the first time talk for a while and then they have sex with each other when 1-2 hours earlier they never even knew the other existed? Like I can't get my head around how sexual everyone is here. When I walk past girls they don't even look at me, you'd never be able to tell they have casual sex so easily. I'm not talking about clubs but I've heard single people in my accomodation have sex on weekday nights like where do they meet these guys? Do they meet them at uni then they ask for the girls number, flirt for a while in person then through text then the girl invites the guy round?

And don't get me started on tinder, I'm very attractive, I know that sounds like a ******** arrogant thing to say but trust me I'm the least arrogant person ever, just being honest about my looks and what people have told me, I have seen a lot of girls smile and act giddy when looking my way but online all the girls just ignore me even though I experiemnt with lots of different pickup lines so I'm not being boring, they don't even open the message then you see lots of posts on the tsr saying that lots of girls use tinder for hookups. The many girls I've matched with just ignore me, are guys at uni actually matching with girls who want to meet with them for sex? Like I'd have thought most guys experience on tinder would be like mine being ignored almost all of the time.

Like I just don't get it and it's really really making me depressed, like I already have enough **** on my plate with being socially anxious going to uni is hard enough as it is and I really really want to have a sexual experience with a girl I just don't know how to go about it. The girl above me has had a lot of one night stands round recently and she moans really loudly and it makes me so jealous that I can't have that experience too, at first it just made me depressed, it was the worst pain I've ever felt but since shes been shagging more guys now it's actually giving me full on depression I've stayed in bed most days this weeks skipped going to uni, I've almost ran out of food and am to depressed and anxious to go out and buy more all because of this whole girls thing.

Before the girl above me started pulling as much like a few weeks ago when she had less sexual partners round, I was depressed because I felt that girls hated me although that wasn't full on depression like it is now. I was just really lonely and wanted female attention and girls looked at me with contempt, my facial expression when I was sad must have came across as moody, that was my only explanation for it.

I'm so so so depressed now like I literally can't even function and do the stuff I need to do and I'm falling behind on my uni essays due this week too. I just hate how every other guy so easily gets to have casual sex and I don't. If the girl above me has sex again I don't know I just can't cope anymore, I had a nervous breakdown becasue of this last week and my mental health is getting worse day by day because of this. I'm a guy and I need love and sex too.
Last edited by ParadoxSocks; 1 year ago
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Anonymous #2
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Tell me which uni is that?....
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Bio 7
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You need paragraphs or not many will read all that.
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Anonymous #3
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I have severe social anxiety but have had a lot of sex. The key is using an online hookup application such as Grindr
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username4952620
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Pls put in in like a summary cause I have just finished reading a 2000 word essay on another thread
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have severe social anxiety but have had a lot of sex. The key is using an online hookup application such as Grindr
That’s obviously a sarcastic answer. Do you have any idea how difficult living with social anxiety is? Before I even knew that grindr was an app for gays I knew this answer was bull**** because nobody with severe social anxiety male or female would have any sex they’d definitely be way too scared to hookup. Every time I post something sex related problem on tsr everyone seems to take it as a big joke because sex is the most natural thing in the world to them and the idea of someone struggling to have sex due to having a mental health disorder such as social anxiety is unheard of to them. I’m literally suffering from bad depression I’m staying awake all night not sleeping I can barely eat I’m crying all the time and I’ve missed uni all this week I’m already all alone up here I have nobody and to come on here and see all these answers of all these people who don’t realise how easy they have it is really frustrating. Try living with a condition that makes you so scared you can’t even talk to anybody so you make no friends at uni and you can’t talk to girls. Now I have to listen to everyone else have sex while it really really really makes me jealous and very sad that I’m missing out on pleasing a girl that way and that wonderful experience. Social anxiety is no joke. Depression is no joke. The fact most people on here can’t give me a serious answer makes me feel a lot worse instead of a lot better because it suggests they have tons of sex because it’s so natural to them and can’t emphasise with someone like me who due to mental health issues anxiety, can’t pursue a sexual relationship and it’s literally killing me.
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Anonymous #4
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im sure no girls want to have sex with you because you reek of desperation
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Drewski
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You're going about this completely arse about face.

You're viewing sex as a commodity that you deserve, rather than something you do with a partner who you like.
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CTLeafez
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Attending University doesn't magically make everyone sexual gods/godesses...

Generally what happens in reality: if you were having lots of sex in college/sixth form, you will continue to do so at Uni. If you weren't having much sex/any at all, you won't unless you make a drastic change to your personality and general vibe.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Drewski)
You're going about this completely arse about face.

You're viewing sex as a commodity that you deserve, rather than something you do with a partner who you like.
Only because that’s the way basically everyone at uni views sex. Sex is a human need just like we have needs for food and water, everyone has a sex drive and when you have a mental health disorder that actually prevents you from making any friends or forming any relationships that sex cannot happen. I’m just extremely lonely like I can’t even describe in words how lonely I feel.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by CTLeafez)
Attending University doesn't magically make everyone sexual gods/godesses...

Generally what happens in reality: if you were having lots of sex in college/sixth form, you will continue to do so at Uni. If you weren't having much sex/any at all, you won't unless you make a drastic change to your personality and general vibe.
Please tell me how people go about pursuing sex? What places do they go to not including clubs because there is a lot of casual before midnight weekday sex I here and it can’t be tinder because I’ve been on there for years and girls don’t talk and a lot like you or even super like you then just unmatch. Okay so how do these people that have lots and lots and lots of sex so that? What do they say so they just walk up to a girl and say come home and I’ll **** you? I know that sounds silly but like seriously how do people go about this?
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Drewski
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Only because that’s the way basically everyone at uni views sex.
So? Other people at uni view casual drug taking as normal. Or worse, think Media is a reasonable degree course...

Just because others think something doesn't mean you have to follow the herd. Think for yourself for a change.

No, sex is not a basic human need.
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Drewski
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Please tell me how people go about pursuing sex? What places do they go to not including clubs because there is a lot of casual before midnight weekday sex I here and it can’t be tinder because I’ve been on there for years and girls don’t talk and a lot like you or even super like you then just unmatch. Okay so how do these people that have lots and lots and lots of sex so that? What do they say so they just walk up to a girl and say come home and I’ll **** you? I know that sounds silly but like seriously how do people go about this?
That's not how it works.
That's not how it's ever worked.

And it's because you have this, frankly, extremely childish notion of it that you're not getting any.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Drewski)
That's not how it works.
That's not how it's ever worked.

And it's because you have this, frankly, extremely childish notion of it that you're not getting any.
Have you ever had sex that wasn’t with your partner then? It’s not a childish notion tell that same thing to any other uni student and they’ll disagree
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louisec.5069
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been at uni a year and a half and made no friends and had no sex due to my social anxiety. Although recently I've decided to push myself and make changes to this by seeing a therapist and I'm working on my socially anxious thoughts and gradually pushing myself to meet people. Although I'm just so so so depressed and shocked at how easily and often single people at uni have sex. All you hear is single people shagging all the time and it hurts me so much because I'm single and want to have sex with tons of girls just as much as any other single guy does but how does this even happen?

People at uni meet each other for the first time talk for a while and then they have sex with each other when 1-2 hours earlier they never even knew the other existed? Like I can't get my head around how sexual everyone is here. When I walk past girls they don't even look at me, you'd never be able to tell they have casual sex so easily. I'm not talking about clubs but I've heard single people in my accomodation have sex on weekday nights like where do they meet these guys? Do they meet them at uni then they ask for the girls number, flirt for a while in person then through text then the girl invites the guy round?

And don't get me started on tinder, I'm very attractive, I know that sounds like a ******** arrogant thing to say but trust me I'm the least arrogant person ever, just being honest about my looks and what people have told me, I have seen a lot of girls smile and act giddy when looking my way but online all the girls just ignore me even though I experiemnt with lots of different pickup lines so I'm not being boring, they don't even open the message then you see lots of posts on the tsr saying that lots of girls use tinder for hookups. The many girls I've matched with just ignore me, are guys at uni actually matching with girls who want to meet with them for sex? Like I'd have thought most guys experience on tinder would be like mine being ignored almost all of the time.

Like I just don't get it and it's really really making me depressed, like I already have enough **** on my plate with being socially anxious going to uni is hard enough as it is and I really really want to have a sexual experience with a girl I just don't know how to go about it. The girl above me has had a lot of one night stands round recently and she moans really loudly and it makes me so jealous that I can't have that experience too, at first it just made me depressed, it was the worst pain I've ever felt but since shes been shagging more guys now it's actually giving me full on depression I've stayed in bed most days this weeks skipped going to uni, I've almost ran out of food and am to depressed and anxious to go out and buy more all because of this whole girls thing.

Before the girl above me started pulling as much like a few weeks ago when she had less sexual partners round, I was depressed because I felt that girls hated me although that wasn't full on depression like it is now. I was just really lonely and wanted female attention and girls looked at me with contempt, my facial expression when I was sad must have came across as moody, that was my only explanation for it.

I'm so so so depressed now like I literally can't even function and do the stuff I need to do and I'm falling behind on my uni essays due this week too. I just hate how every other guy so easily gets to have casual sex and I don't. If the girl above me has sex again I don't know I just can't cope anymore, I had a nervous breakdown becasue of this last week and my mental health is getting worse day by day because of this. I'm a guy and I need love and sex too.
incel
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CTLeafez
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Please tell me how people go about pursuing sex? What places do they go to not including clubs because there is a lot of casual before midnight weekday sex I here and it can’t be tinder because I’ve been on there for years and girls don’t talk and a lot like you or even super like you then just unmatch. Okay so how do these people that have lots and lots and lots of sex so that? What do they say so they just walk up to a girl and say come home and I’ll **** you? I know that sounds silly but like seriously how do people go about this?
It's not the location. It's how YOU as a person carry yourself. If you seem desperate and insecure, girls won't be interested. Gotta show at least a little confidence and independence. Some people can pull off one-night stands, while others are better looking to form proper relationships.

To be brutally honest, if a girl is unmatching you after you've been sending messages to each other, she finds you boring or unappealing.

As quoted from an iconic film "you're putting the pussy on a pedastal" - Stop seeing sex as the end goal of everything...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by louisec.5069)
incel
I’ve had enough of this ****! Just because you’ve never had a bad day in your life and have had your **** ****ed twenty million times and haven’t had to deal with this crippling social anxiety disorder that has prevented me from meeting girls im not a ****ing incel! If I never had this god awful curse that’s robbed me of my entire ****ing teenhood I would have made friends and gotten relationships and hookups and the fact that not one person on this entire thread can empathise with me is absolutely shocking, just because people have it so easy sex is so so so natural to them they don’t give a **** if hearing others have sex is making them suffering from severe depression! I’m crying my eyes out right now I had a mental breakdown this week people don’t give a **** about mental health all they care about is shagging! Social anxiety disorder has ruined my ****ing live i wish that damn disorder never ****ing existed, I’m at rock bottom here I’ve never felt this low in my life and coming on here and reading all this abuse makes me want to die. Caroline flack was another of many people famous and not famous to look herself because of abuse she got from people she didn’t know I honestly feel the same. Try having some ****ing empathy just because you have it easy doesn’t mean people are suffering like this if you were cursed with social anxiety disorder you’d be in the same position as me!
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RandomPerson28
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Bro, whatever social anxiety you have, you need serious therapy. Sex doesn't work like that. It is an intimidate feeling shared between 2 partners; I believe. Did you know that some people from the conservative family even may not have sex until they are married? So, just be glad you have what you have and if you really are that tempted, look for a sugar baby or something. So, take a chill pill and go to the nearest therapist. I support you!
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s obviously a sarcastic answer. Do you have any idea how difficult living with social anxiety is? Before I even knew that grindr was an app for gays I knew this answer was bull**** because nobody with severe social anxiety male or female would have any sex they’d definitely be way too scared to hookup. Every time I post something sex related problem on tsr everyone seems to take it as a big joke because sex is the most natural thing in the world to them and the idea of someone struggling to have sex due to having a mental health disorder such as social anxiety is unheard of to them. I’m literally suffering from bad depression I’m staying awake all night not sleeping I can barely eat I’m crying all the time and I’ve missed uni all this week I’m already all alone up here I have nobody and to come on here and see all these answers of all these people who don’t realise how easy they have it is really frustrating. Try living with a condition that makes you so scared you can’t even talk to anybody so you make no friends at uni and you can’t talk to girls. Now I have to listen to everyone else have sex while it really really really makes me jealous and very sad that I’m missing out on pleasing a girl that way and that wonderful experience. Social anxiety is no joke. Depression is no joke. The fact most people on here can’t give me a serious answer makes me feel a lot worse instead of a lot better because it suggests they have tons of sex because it’s so natural to them and can’t emphasise with someone like me who due to mental health issues anxiety, can’t pursue a sexual relationship and it’s literally killing me.
Woah, why have you given that poster such a mouthful? You do realise, don't you, that your experience of social anxiety isn't everyone's?

I have severe social anxiety, to the point that I can hardly leave the house just in case one of the neighbours is leaving at the same time. I'm supposed to be meeting up with friends on Sunday and I don't think I want to go in case other people speak to me.

Yet, I have sex.

Social anxiety has ruined my life in many ways, but the things that bother me - being judged for how I speak, what I talk about, etc, aren't necessarily there when you hook up with someone for sex. They literally want sex, you do it, you leave.

And perhaps he mentioned Grindr because he's gay. If you're not, Tinder works just as well.

Also, I honestly think your expectations of uni are all wrong. I lived in a flat of 5 girls and I know for a fact that not one of us had sex as a hook up while at uni living in halls in first year. Not one.

If you can't have sex due to your social anxiety, that's something you need to work on. I don't recommend hook ups anyway, but seeing your GP, perhaps getting counselling, would help. Eventually you will be able to meet people and get to know them, and have sex because you both want to. If you want to hook up then whatever, but I think you'd be using it as a coping mechanism and an unhealthy outlet. It's not "having sex" that should be your ultimate aim, it's addressing your social anxiety and being able to fully integrate into society.

But never have a go at someone, assuming your social anxiety is exactly the same as everyone else's, because it's just not.

You're never going to get anywhere with the attitude I've seen on this thread.
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Drewski
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve had enough of this ****! Just because you’ve never had a bad day in your life and have had your **** ****ed twenty million times and haven’t had to deal with this crippling social anxiety disorder that has prevented me from meeting girls im not a ****ing incel! If I never had this god awful curse that’s robbed me of my entire ****ing teenhood I would have made friends and gotten relationships and hookups and the fact that not one person on this entire thread can empathise with me is absolutely shocking, just because people have it so easy sex is so so so natural to them they don’t give a **** if hearing others have sex is making them suffering from severe depression! I’m crying my eyes out right now I had a mental breakdown this week people don’t give a **** about mental health all they care about is shagging! Social anxiety disorder has ruined my ****ing live i wish that damn disorder never ****ing existed, I’m at rock bottom here I’ve never felt this low in my life and coming on here and reading all this abuse makes me want to die. Caroline flack was another of many people famous and not famous to look herself because of abuse she got from people she didn’t know I honestly feel the same. Try having some ****ing empathy just because you have it easy doesn’t mean people are suffering like this if you were cursed with social anxiety disorder you’d be in the same position as me!
You don't have anxiety, you've got a terminal case of being a ****.
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