Unhappy with my situation but I don't see a way out of it
I don't know what to do or where else to turn I really can't think of a way out of my situation or how to fix it so all I can think to do is to ask other advice on this. I am miserable I hate university and my university course I feel extremely lonely, I don't fit in in the uni and whish I had chosen a different course I have a few friends in uni but only really see them every 2 weeks no friends on my course it is lonely. My course is an extra busy course as well so it's hard to find time outside my course. I hate the uni town, and I'm just lonely despite my best efforts to socialize with people join societies ext.. I haven't seemed to have met my people.
I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere and there is no one I really click with. The problem is I can't move back home again, as I hate living in my family home, and feel stuck in one place, I don't know what i'd do as a job and I'm afraid i'd end up living in my parents home for years, and getting a job I hate. As well as this i's be equally as lonely as my friends are mostly in uni, I have some friends that live an hour away from me, but she's moved on with her life, and met a girl she spends all her time with, and it's hard to get as close even though I felt I really clicked with her as she lives an hour away. (from my family home if I chose to move back.) I also have a bf of 2 years, who I really love, but I don't want to become one of those people that only talks to my bf.
All I really want is one close female friendship and I can't seem to find that. I struggled to make friends growing up then moved to college (uk) and made some, but this was only for 2 years, and now I feel sad again. I just want a long lasting female friendship and im not sure what i'm doing wrong.
I don't know what to do about my situation I feel miserable and see no way out of it and I keep trying to think of a plan but I just can't. I was wanted to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation, how they found a way through, or anyone has any advice for me. I just feel very depressed and constantly have to distract myself from how I feel. I really just want to have a close female friendship, and a close group of friends, just small, and I would like to live with my bf really, but there is not way of doing that right now, that we could afford. I just want security. I can't start a new uni as i'm already old and had a year off and i'll be even more isolated, and it's not affordable for me as i've been at this uni for nearly a year. I'm so stuck on what to do. I can usally come up with a paln to fix a situation and have some hope, but this time i'm running out of ideas. I really want to go travelling it's one of my dreams, I just don't feel happy with anything in my life currently.
I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere and there is no one I really click with. The problem is I can't move back home again, as I hate living in my family home, and feel stuck in one place, I don't know what i'd do as a job and I'm afraid i'd end up living in my parents home for years, and getting a job I hate. As well as this i's be equally as lonely as my friends are mostly in uni, I have some friends that live an hour away from me, but she's moved on with her life, and met a girl she spends all her time with, and it's hard to get as close even though I felt I really clicked with her as she lives an hour away. (from my family home if I chose to move back.) I also have a bf of 2 years, who I really love, but I don't want to become one of those people that only talks to my bf.
All I really want is one close female friendship and I can't seem to find that. I struggled to make friends growing up then moved to college (uk) and made some, but this was only for 2 years, and now I feel sad again. I just want a long lasting female friendship and im not sure what i'm doing wrong.
I don't know what to do about my situation I feel miserable and see no way out of it and I keep trying to think of a plan but I just can't. I was wanted to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation, how they found a way through, or anyone has any advice for me. I just feel very depressed and constantly have to distract myself from how I feel. I really just want to have a close female friendship, and a close group of friends, just small, and I would like to live with my bf really, but there is not way of doing that right now, that we could afford. I just want security. I can't start a new uni as i'm already old and had a year off and i'll be even more isolated, and it's not affordable for me as i've been at this uni for nearly a year. I'm so stuck on what to do. I can usally come up with a paln to fix a situation and have some hope, but this time i'm running out of ideas. I really want to go travelling it's one of my dreams, I just don't feel happy with anything in my life currently.
I have the same issue, I just struggle to connect with people. I don’t even have any friends or even a partner. I am supposed to be in my second year and am currently on a break because I had really bad family issues. I have a strange kind of social anxiety where I don’t have trouble talking to strangers unless I know I am going to see them regularly. I kind of self sabotage by getting such bad anxiety and just not being myself because I am so scared they’ll see through the confident act and see how boring and depressing I am. I just don’t know how to handle and development relationships other than my family ones. I guess I just want to know what advice others give so I can follow it too.
Hi there; fortunately, there are many ways to get out of your situation, but when we are sad, everything seems dark and out of hope. I'll not talk long; still, I will give you a list for you or anyone who feels lonely, as this will help you get out of this thinking cycle and have some sort of fulfilment. I also hope you'll find a nice and very close female friend.
1. Consider charity work in Nottingham on a day when you are not busy; many organisations will make you do good work, make bonds and feel fulfilled.
2. Try mindfulness; even 10 minutes daily will make a difference. I would suggest "Metta (loving-kindness)" series from "Waking Up" app.
3. Always remember the good things you have; we humans tend to take everything for granted and just focus on the small dot in the vast white page and be blind by it. Being clever is when you make a "dark" situation a very bright one in your mind.
1. Consider charity work in Nottingham on a day when you are not busy; many organisations will make you do good work, make bonds and feel fulfilled.
2. Try mindfulness; even 10 minutes daily will make a difference. I would suggest "Metta (loving-kindness)" series from "Waking Up" app.
3. Always remember the good things you have; we humans tend to take everything for granted and just focus on the small dot in the vast white page and be blind by it. Being clever is when you make a "dark" situation a very bright one in your mind.
I understand how you feel. When I started uni I lost so many friends from back home, even ones I had sworn to keep in contact with. And it is really hard to make friends at uni as everyone is kind of doing their own thing and life gets busy.
In terms of your old friends I would say try to keep the bridges of communication open. Even if it's just sending a funny post once in a while or asking how they're doing these days it's difficult (not impossible though) to maintain friendships if you never talk. Maybe you could try to meet up over the summer for a girls day?
For making new friends I think it's mostly a question of perseverance. Most people struggle to make friends at uni and I think you'd be surprised how many people you talk to would appreciate a friend. A good way to meet new people outside of courses is by joining external groups. Volunteering is always good for meeting friendly people, and it might help you feel better about your situation if you are doing something productive. Also are there any hobbies or sports you used to like that you could pick back up? Maybe see if you can find a group outside of uni societies. Even if you don't make a new best friend it's still good to have that human connection, and talking to people regularly will help with building friendships in the long run.
If there's nothing like that, maybe you could pick up a new hobby? It's a cliche, but when I was struggling with this kind of thing I picked up running and it helped me enormously. Now I am part of a running club and fitter than ever!
All in all I would just make sure you keep trying to find ways to reach out to people, as it is easy to very quickly fall into a hole of never leaving the house, which would definitely not help your feelings of loneliness.
I wouldn't write off uni just yet, as it may well be that your negative feelings are making you feel like it is pointless, but just remem ber that you did choose this uni and course for a reason. Personally I think you should definitely speak to a professional, as it sounds like this is having a really negative effect on your life. I don't know what the counselling service is like at your uni but in my experience it might be best to just go straight to your gp. They could tell you whether they think it is best for you to try talking therapies, or go to your counsellor, or whatever.
Please, please just remember that these feelings are extremely common, and you are really not alone in them. I promise that by putting your mental health first and talking to someone in person about what you are going through will help exponentially.
In terms of your old friends I would say try to keep the bridges of communication open. Even if it's just sending a funny post once in a while or asking how they're doing these days it's difficult (not impossible though) to maintain friendships if you never talk. Maybe you could try to meet up over the summer for a girls day?
For making new friends I think it's mostly a question of perseverance. Most people struggle to make friends at uni and I think you'd be surprised how many people you talk to would appreciate a friend. A good way to meet new people outside of courses is by joining external groups. Volunteering is always good for meeting friendly people, and it might help you feel better about your situation if you are doing something productive. Also are there any hobbies or sports you used to like that you could pick back up? Maybe see if you can find a group outside of uni societies. Even if you don't make a new best friend it's still good to have that human connection, and talking to people regularly will help with building friendships in the long run.
If there's nothing like that, maybe you could pick up a new hobby? It's a cliche, but when I was struggling with this kind of thing I picked up running and it helped me enormously. Now I am part of a running club and fitter than ever!
All in all I would just make sure you keep trying to find ways to reach out to people, as it is easy to very quickly fall into a hole of never leaving the house, which would definitely not help your feelings of loneliness.
I wouldn't write off uni just yet, as it may well be that your negative feelings are making you feel like it is pointless, but just remem ber that you did choose this uni and course for a reason. Personally I think you should definitely speak to a professional, as it sounds like this is having a really negative effect on your life. I don't know what the counselling service is like at your uni but in my experience it might be best to just go straight to your gp. They could tell you whether they think it is best for you to try talking therapies, or go to your counsellor, or whatever.
Please, please just remember that these feelings are extremely common, and you are really not alone in them. I promise that by putting your mental health first and talking to someone in person about what you are going through will help exponentially.
1. Don't carry this alone. Share how you are feeling. You've already made that step by creating this thread, but share with someone at your location that you are feeling this way.
2. Don't rush the friend-ship making bit. You're halfway through 1 year of uni? Most people don't find their close friends through the course - I had a minimal relationship with most of my course-mates. Universities are huge places, which can be overwhelming. But try not to leap to "I don't fit in" when there may be more things unexplored. It's great that you've began an effort to join societies - I would try to stick with that. If they're a good group they should be welcoming whatever time of year it is.
3. Best of luck.
2. Don't rush the friend-ship making bit. You're halfway through 1 year of uni? Most people don't find their close friends through the course - I had a minimal relationship with most of my course-mates. Universities are huge places, which can be overwhelming. But try not to leap to "I don't fit in" when there may be more things unexplored. It's great that you've began an effort to join societies - I would try to stick with that. If they're a good group they should be welcoming whatever time of year it is.
3. Best of luck.
Original post by student-talk
I don't know what to do or where else to turn I really can't think of a way out of my situation or how to fix it so all I can think to do is to ask other advice on this. I am miserable I hate university and my university course I feel extremely lonely, I don't fit in in the uni and whish I had chosen a different course I have a few friends in uni but only really see them every 2 weeks no friends on my course it is lonely. My course is an extra busy course as well so it's hard to find time outside my course. I hate the uni town, and I'm just lonely despite my best efforts to socialize with people join societies ext.. I haven't seemed to have met my people.
I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere and there is no one I really click with. The problem is I can't move back home again, as I hate living in my family home, and feel stuck in one place, I don't know what i'd do as a job and I'm afraid i'd end up living in my parents home for years, and getting a job I hate. As well as this i's be equally as lonely as my friends are mostly in uni, I have some friends that live an hour away from me, but she's moved on with her life, and met a girl she spends all her time with, and it's hard to get as close even though I felt I really clicked with her as she lives an hour away. (from my family home if I chose to move back.) I also have a bf of 2 years, who I really love, but I don't want to become one of those people that only talks to my bf.
All I really want is one close female friendship and I can't seem to find that. I struggled to make friends growing up then moved to college (uk) and made some, but this was only for 2 years, and now I feel sad again. I just want a long lasting female friendship and im not sure what i'm doing wrong.
I don't know what to do about my situation I feel miserable and see no way out of it and I keep trying to think of a plan but I just can't. I was wanted to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation, how they found a way through, or anyone has any advice for me. I just feel very depressed and constantly have to distract myself from how I feel. I really just want to have a close female friendship, and a close group of friends, just small, and I would like to live with my bf really, but there is not way of doing that right now, that we could afford. I just want security. I can't start a new uni as i'm already old and had a year off and i'll be even more isolated, and it's not affordable for me as i've been at this uni for nearly a year. I'm so stuck on what to do. I can usally come up with a paln to fix a situation and have some hope, but this time i'm running out of ideas. I really want to go travelling it's one of my dreams, I just don't feel happy with anything in my life currently.
I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere and there is no one I really click with. The problem is I can't move back home again, as I hate living in my family home, and feel stuck in one place, I don't know what i'd do as a job and I'm afraid i'd end up living in my parents home for years, and getting a job I hate. As well as this i's be equally as lonely as my friends are mostly in uni, I have some friends that live an hour away from me, but she's moved on with her life, and met a girl she spends all her time with, and it's hard to get as close even though I felt I really clicked with her as she lives an hour away. (from my family home if I chose to move back.) I also have a bf of 2 years, who I really love, but I don't want to become one of those people that only talks to my bf.
All I really want is one close female friendship and I can't seem to find that. I struggled to make friends growing up then moved to college (uk) and made some, but this was only for 2 years, and now I feel sad again. I just want a long lasting female friendship and im not sure what i'm doing wrong.
I don't know what to do about my situation I feel miserable and see no way out of it and I keep trying to think of a plan but I just can't. I was wanted to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation, how they found a way through, or anyone has any advice for me. I just feel very depressed and constantly have to distract myself from how I feel. I really just want to have a close female friendship, and a close group of friends, just small, and I would like to live with my bf really, but there is not way of doing that right now, that we could afford. I just want security. I can't start a new uni as i'm already old and had a year off and i'll be even more isolated, and it's not affordable for me as i've been at this uni for nearly a year. I'm so stuck on what to do. I can usally come up with a paln to fix a situation and have some hope, but this time i'm running out of ideas. I really want to go travelling it's one of my dreams, I just don't feel happy with anything in my life currently.
Hi there,
Sorry you are going through this. I can see you are getting brilliant advice from the TSR community so hopefully you can see you are not alone
Please do have a look here at some useful resources from Mind on how to deal with depression
You can also speak to someone at Mind here
The NHS have urgent mental health helplines are for people of all ages in England. To find a helpline suitable for you, please visit here. You can call for 24-hour advice and support for you, your child, your parent or someone you care for, help speaking to a mental health professional and an assessment to find the right care for you
The Samaritans are available 24/7 and can be contacted by calling 116 123 or emailing [email protected]. There are also apps that can help, like Smiling Minds and Headspace.
If you are in crisis and at risk of hurting yourself, or have already, please call 999 for an ambulance or go to your nearest A&E. If you’re reluctant to go to A&E, you can always call NHS 111 for their advice and guidance.
Take care and please look after yourself,
Best wishes,
TSR Support
