PLEASE MARK - GCSE Eduqas English Language Component 2 Section B

Hi, could people please have a look at this question I have done and offer a mark out of 20 based on the Eduqas mark scheme? The question is from June 2017 English Language Component 2.

Thanks

Question:

This is part of a letter that appeared in a newspaper:
‘I can’t understand why we have pets. They can be expensive to look after, they take up
lots of time, children want them then get tired of them, yet if you dare to say you would
never have a pet, people think you are strange. I would never have one.’
Write a letter to the newspaper giving your views on this subject.

My Response:

Dear Sir/Madam,
Pets. There is not a single advantage I see to housing an animal for the owner or even for the beast: cruelly caged, time-consuming, costs an arm and a leg and above all, the most significant hassle in your life since having kids. I am writing to commend the admirable letter written in the previous newspaper as everything stated is utterly factual. I believe that without pets, the sum of money in the bank accounts of each person in this country would be significantly higher.

Pets are one of the greatest sources of money loss, as they require constant treats alongside their usual food – which itself can be extremely expensive if you go for good quality. A government survey in 2017 revealed that 48% of the average UK worker’s income is spent on catering the needs of their pets. Furthermore, these animals seem to be persistent about wanting a glamorous new toy almost every two weeks, which can again become extremely draining for the bank. The most infuriating occasions however are when the wild creatures are pouncing around the delicate house, to then knock their frivolous paw into an extremely expensive vase, leaving the gift shattered into pieces on the floor. Is all that expense truly worth it, just to have an animal roaming around your house for a few years?

The sheer cost alone would be enough to drive one insane, whilst that added to the time taken up caring for them further confuses me on the choice of many to take up the burden of having a pet. Countless hours spent at the vets, piled on top of the countless hours spent cleaning the mess made by falling fur and dirty paws on your brand-new carpet and sofa; only insane people would enjoy compiling their already hectic lifestyles with more burdens and choirs that require an endless pursuit. Taxing your children around all day is hassle enough as it is, then having to take your pet on a long, enduring walk, with frequent stops to clean up their biological mess. How disgusting! Just a couple of days ago one of my good friends was informing me on the struggles and challenges they have been facing since adopting a chihuahua – a type of miniature dog. Their deceptive size and looks left my previously joyous and cheerful friend feeling over-worked and burnt out. Meeting the needs of this one dog felt like he was catering for the world, taking time out of his own life, severely damaging his mental health. The constant need for attention is similar to that of a new-born baby, draining even the most energetic of humans.

Finally, if that’s not bad enough, after all the begging from your children to get a pet, after all the promises to take good care of them and nurture them forever and ever, you are eventually left with the weight of the entire animal on your shoulders. Once the shock and enthusiasm has drained out of the satisfied children who return to their consoles, who is left with the mess; all the responsibilities of caring for the beast have been abandoned down to you. The RSPCA was obliged to conduct a survey into the adoption of animals after they began to find more animals than ever being returned to their shelters after not many months. The saddening survey found that 54% of animals bought near Christmas were found to be either returned to abandoned by the time of February. Devastating. Disturbing. Disgusting! Think about the animals for a moment. Would they not like to be loved? Is it justice for them to suffer the consequences for their owner’s lack of enthusiasm? Do they not also have emotions? Such questions should linger at the forefront of ones mind as they question their morals as to whether this expensive purchase of a new creature is morally correct.

I will never understand the mindset of individuals who decide to have a pet. I will never understand the strange enjoyment and pleasure they get out of housing such creatures. I will just never understand.

Yours Faithfully,
NAME

Mark Scheme:

Page 10 and 11

https://revisionworld.com/sites/revi...glish12-ms.pdf

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 1

pinkwrld5

8

Hi there. I’m not an expert by any means, but I got a 9 in GCSE English Language (AQA, 2021).

Personally, based off of your answer, and the mark scheme for Eduqas, I’d give you ~ 17/20, that is, 9/12 and 8/8.

Your answer is well written and articulate. There are various examples of language techniques used effectively to convey your beliefs. You have also used statistics and an anecdote to emphasise your points which is also very useful.

However, I recommend using a cyclical structure as this would have been slightly more cohesive and seamless in bringing your argument to a close. Briefly explaining the effects of costs in the first paragraph (as it is a more obvious point) and then touching on it at the end would be more impactful, rather than the triadic structure.

Additionally, you could have acknowledged opposing arguments. For example, “it could be argued that the emotional connection one has with their pet allows them to seemingly minimise the effects of a financial burden”. From this, you could address a counter argument. Remember that the letter is to the newspaper, rather than the author of the previous letter, so a balanced view would be more suitable - you want to justify your view to the reader by considering potential counterpoints and explaining why your argument overcomes them.

I also feel your view becomes slightly unclear towards the end. You emphasise the negative effects of having pets and call them “beasts”. However, towards the end, your tone becomes more sympathetic, as you then call them “animals” and use emotive language, as well as other language techniques to get the reader to consider the effects on the animals themselves of being returned to a shelter. Perhaps this was deliberate. If so, I recommend incorporating potential arguments against your view throughout the essay instead, so that it is more coherent.

I may have been overly pedantic with this, but those are the main things that stuck out to me. Otherwise, I wish you the very best with all your exams.

Reply 2

English_Warrior

OP

10

Original post by pinkwrld5

Hi there. I’m not an expert by any means, but I got a 9 in GCSE English Language (AQA, 2021).

Personally, based off of your answer, and the mark scheme for Eduqas, I’d give you ~ 17/20, that is, 9/12 and 8/8.

Your answer is well written and articulate. There are various examples of language techniques used effectively to convey your beliefs. You have also used statistics and an anecdote to emphasise your points which is also very useful.

However, I recommend using a cyclical structure as this would have been slightly more cohesive and seamless in bringing your argument to a close. Briefly explaining the effects of costs in the first paragraph (as it is a more obvious point) and then touching on it at the end would be more impactful, rather than the triadic structure.

Additionally, you could have acknowledged opposing arguments. For example, “it could be argued that the emotional connection one has with their pet allows them to seemingly minimise the effects of a financial burden”. From this, you could address a counter argument. Remember that the letter is to the newspaper, rather than the author of the previous letter, so a balanced view would be more suitable - you want to justify your view to the reader by considering potential counterpoints and explaining why your argument overcomes them.

I also feel your view becomes slightly unclear towards the end. You emphasise the negative effects of having pets and call them “beasts”. However, towards the end, your tone becomes more sympathetic, as you then call them “animals” and use emotive language, as well as other language techniques to get the reader to consider the effects on the animals themselves of being returned to a shelter. Perhaps this was deliberate. If so, I recommend incorporating potential arguments against your view throughout the essay instead, so that it is more coherent.

I may have been overly pedantic with this, but those are the main things that stuck out to me. Otherwise, I wish you the very best with all your exams.

Wow, thank you so much for the feedback, that's honestly so helpful for me as I've been struggling to find any recently as my teacher doesn't help much.

When you mention the cyclical structure I could add in, I'm not too sure how I would do that. Would I try to embed it? Or should I clearly state "...this links back to my initial argument of financial impacts..."? If you could give a very brief example I'm sure that would help.

Thanks again.

Reply 3

pinkwrld5

8

You’re welcome. With the cyclical structure, the best way to implement this is with subtlety, so you don’t have to explicitly state “this links back to” or “as previously mentioned” etc. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the same idea either, it can also be the syntax/word choice.

So for example, if you opened your essay with: ‘Pets are a detriment to personal lives: here’s why. In such a time where the economic climate has affected us all, having pets only leads to further, more substantial financial difficulties.’

You could then refer back to this by concluding with ‘Irresponsible pet owners are a detriment to society and you can see why.’ (I’ve chosen this point as you mentioned how many pets get returned after Christmas).

I hope this helps!

Reply 4

English_Warrior

OP

10

Thanks a lot, you've been a great help. Really boosted my motivation to keep working on my English as English has always been a weak point for me. I've had to muster up a lot of courage to sit down and properly revise it now and you've been a massive help in only a few exchanged messaged.

Thanks again!!

Reply 5

pinkwrld5

8

That’s lovely to know. You’re very welcome. You’ve made an excellent start, so keep going! If there’s any extra help you need, just let me know.